The man I developed an adult relationship (intimate) with tried to have sex without a condom the second time we went to a hotel.
He wore a condom the first time, so perhaps I was wrong to assume he would use one again. But when he suddenly tried to go in without one, I asked him to use a condom. He told me:
“Normally, people don’t use condoms.”
“This is a business hotel, so there aren’t any.”
“If you won’t let me do it without one, I’m not paying you.”
So, reluctantly, I went along with it without a condom.
Since then, he has continued the relationship without using condoms as though it were perfectly normal. After reading other people’s questions, I’ve been wondering whether there was anything I could have done to prevent this.
I’d appreciate any advice on what I can do from this point onward.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
I’m not exactly an ethical person, so I feel a little awkward lecturing anyone, but there’s a simple solution, so here goes.
Never see that papa again. Anyone who says, “I won’t pay unless it’s without a condom,” has completely lost the plot.
You probably already know this, but just in case: a boiled brain is contagious. Do take care.
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It’s just something you can buy at any convenience store, but you happen not to have it with you—so pause things and go buy it.
If your papa refuses, postpone anything beyond that until next time and leave immediately. And if he won’t pay your allowance, that’s grounds for ending things.
If you let childish verbal abuse and violence slide, deliberate offenders like him will only get more emboldened.
— It’s me
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> Since it’s a business hotel, there are no condoms.
Some men may say things like that, so bring your own condoms. If you’re going to carry one anyway, I recommend getting a 0.01 mm condom, even if it costs a little more.
Then, if a man says, “Since it’s a business hotel, there are no condoms,” you could say something like:
“My parents gave me one to carry with me. Would you like to use it?”
It’s an excuse for those strange men who don’t like women carrying their own condoms. (Though in that case, I wish they wouldn’t say they don’t have any.)
If he still insists on doing it without a condom, say, “I can’t do it without one,” get dressed, and leave—even if you don’t receive any money.
If you feel even slightly uncomfortable, don’t agree to it.
> If you won’t let me put it in, I’m not paying you.
You should realize that something is wrong with your thinking if you feel you should still be paid just because you’ve already gotten naked. If you want him to use a condom, the more normal way to think is, “I absolutely refuse to do it without one.”
Of course, if getting paid matters more to you than whether or not a condom is used, then there’s no point in asking this question.
It’s better to decide in advance which matters more to you.
P.S.
> It would be fine to say afterward, “I’m sorry, but I found out afterward that I’m HIV-positive, so please go get tested too. Sorry, goodbye,” and then block and delete him.
That may be fine on an app, but if you’re using Universe Club, I think it’s better not to do that.
A man once told me that a certain woman was HIV-positive. Since the club had no way of knowing whether it was true or false, the only option was to hide her profile.
For some reason, around the same time, that woman contacted me saying that a man was spreading lies about her and causing problems. But it made me wonder whether perhaps she had made up the story herself.
Of course, the issue could be resolved by having her provide her test results. But considering that a single comment like that could result in her profile being hidden, I think it’s better not to say it.
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If he still won’t agree even when you ask as sweetly as possible right then—“Please♡”—he’s a crappy papa, so it’s fine to block and delete him.
I’m being completely serious: it would be justified to block and delete him later with a message like, “I’m sorry, but I found out afterward that I have HIV, so please go get tested too. Sorry, goodbye.”
Though I wonder if doing that would get reported to the club… If you don’t block and delete him, they probably wouldn’t report it, so you could just say, “Let’s both get tested.”
Having unprotected sex really does make the risks skyrocket, and the more often you do it, the higher the risk of HIV and cervical cancer becomes.
Honestly, unless you go that far, I don’t think he’ll understand the risks of pressuring someone into having unprotected sex on the first meeting.
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For now, please see a gynecologist and get tested for STIs.
Let Univa know what happened.
As for what you should have done, you could have said, “If you’re not going to use a condom, I’m leaving. I don’t need the allowance. I’ll report this to the club.” As a fallback, always carry condoms with you. It’s best to have both M and L sizes on hand.
Seriously, you should’ve been able to think of that yourself. Is there some kind of “Let’s stir up the Q&A box with unprotected-sex questions” contest going on?
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