I have a regular arrangement with a married man, but I’m starting to feel uneasy that the terms may be worse than what other people are getting. I’d really appreciate hearing your opinions.

I usually skip questions like this because I don’t like commenting on other people’s allowance amounts, but after reading Mac’s answer, I decided to respond. Back in the day, I supported a mistress in China, paying 10,000 yuan a month—roughly ¥130,000–¥150,000 at the exchange rate then, or about ¥200,000 at today’s rate—plus her rent. At the time, many people in China believed that taking the pill would cause infertility, so women generally didn’t take it, and I used condoms. Women in China back then didn’t remove body hair, so they left everything natural—not just their VIO area, but their underarm hair too. It brings back memories. I’m not the type to hold hands with women I meet through an escort club, but some women take my hand or touch me a lot. I really think everyone has their own way of dating. There’s no point comparing the terms of each arrangement. What matters is whether you, the person asking, feel satisfied with your own situation. If it’s bothering you, I think it’s perfectly fine to end things.

Once questions about going bare start appearing, the bait questions keep coming, huh? (笑) You list nothing but things you dislike, yet I honestly can’t understand why you’d still meet and stay over six nights a month. You wouldn’t spend that much time staying over unless you really liked him. Isn’t that basically a boyfriend? You list various things, but I think only the first two could really be called “terms” in a dating club: the allowance and the distance surcharge. That’s it. Some people enjoy being affectionate in public, like holding hands or touching each other somewhere out of sight. It’s not just men—some women are like that too. Going bare is something the two people involved decide together. Some women bring it up themselves, too. I think it would be risky from the very beginning, but once you’ve built a relationship, why not? Some women feel that if they’re staying over, there should at least be a morning quickie, and plenty are fine with dirty jokes as well. It depends on how far you take it, though. (笑) In short, if both people are okay with these things, there’s nothing wrong with them. In fact, being open to them can sometimes help you become even closer. Once you’ve grown comfortable with each other, I’d even say it’s better to be more open about those personal preferences. As I mentioned above, women sometimes bring these things up too, not just men. That’s natural, and if you don’t like something, you can simply say no. Isn’t that how you build a “good relationship”—by being able to talk openly about these things? The real problem is forcing yourself to put up with things and accommodate the other person until it starts feeling like a fetish-oriented escort service. On the other hand, if you’re okay with that kind of arrangement and your only complaint is the allowance, you might be able to earn a steady income by working in that sort of adult service. I’m being serious. Taro

With papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), one of the joys is feeling truly valued when your papa (a male supporter) acknowledges and appreciates you, makes you feel validated, and shows that he needs you. After being treated that cruelly, saying it was simply for the money doesn’t sound fulfilling or like you were enjoying yourself at all. That said, the decision to spend as many as six days together is ultimately yours.

The terms are pretty bad. And it’s not just the amount of money—the papa’s attitude, as I imagine it from the date details, seems absolutely awful. He’s only thinking about how to take advantage of you. An allowance of ¥16,000 per day will quickly disappear on travel expenses and long-distance compensation, leaving you with nothing but an unbearably unpleasant date. You don’t have to put yourself through that kind of misery just for papa-katsu. I hope you find a better papa. It’s me.

Even if it’s 100,000 yen a month with one overnight stay, the fact that he expects you to go without protection makes this arrangement way too much to ask… You should find a different papa soon. There are better papas out there. There are people who will kindly look out for you and treat you well. If you’re okay with 100,000 yen a month, then I think it’s fine to continue. But if you don’t like it, you should cut things off. Personally, I’d end it the moment he asked me to go without protection.

That sounds really tough… It may be best to reduce how often you meet, but if you have a monthly arrangement, your papa may not be happy about it. If the ¥100,000 a month is significant for you, you may have no choice but to continue. Alternatively, you could say, “Starting next month, work is going to get busy because of ○○, so I don’t think I’ll be able to secure time to meet very often, even though I’d like to. I’m sorry, but could we switch to a pay-per-meeting arrangement?” Then see how things go. I hope you find a new, generous papa soon.