I went on a second date with a papa (a male supporter) I met somewhere other than Universe. The first time, we had an adult relationship (intimate) for ¥40,000, so I assumed this time would be around the same. But then he suddenly asked, “Would it be okay if it were free…?” I was so shocked that I froze, and then he asked, “Would ¥5,000 be okay?” and gave me ¥5,000. Of course, that was for an adult relationship (intimate).
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I’m overwhelmed by the shock and sadness of feeling like I’m not even worth paying for. But more than that, I have another second date coming up with a different papa, and I can’t stop worrying about what I’ll do if he treats me the same way. Would it be rude to ask, “How much allowance will I receive?”
Also, what would have been the right way to respond to the papa who gave me ¥5,000? I’d really appreciate your advice.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
That must have been really tough.
It’s easy to say, “You’re also at fault for agreeing to ¥5,000,” but the worst offender is the papa (a male supporter) who deliberately puts you in a situation where it’s hard to say no, then tries to make it free.
“ If free doesn’t work, then ¥5,000.”
When he can’t get away with something unreasonable, changing the terms afterward like that is absolutely the worst.
What’s done is done. Take it as a valuable lesson, move on, and handle things better next time!
Be sure to give the club some feedback, too. He’s probably doing the same thing to other women, and if nobody stops him—
It’s me.
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Whether he was someone who approached you even though he wasn’t from Universe, or someone you met through another dating club, affects just how bad his behavior is. But it’s impossible to have a successful allowance-based relationship with him, so end things cleanly and find a quality papa (a male supporter) like Early-san.
—Marika
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Thinking, “He was such a good person—was I the one at fault?” is the worst thing you can do.
It’s obvious to anyone that there was something wrong with that papa, so cut off all contact from now on and let go of any lingering attachment to the memories.
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> What would have been the right way to handle the situation?
Asking what the right thing to do was after the fact just turns into a case of “history has no ifs,” so I can’t help wondering whether you’re only posting this because you want attention.
But to begin with, is there really one correct answer?
If you were okay with receiving nothing, or felt that 5,000 yen was enough, then there wouldn’t have been a problem.
I assume you’re asking because you weren’t satisfied this time. But even if every respondent told you that an allowance is just a gesture and 5,000 yen is plenty, would that really make you feel satisfied?
There’s no set amount for an allowance in the first place, and it’s only natural for the amount to vary from person to person.
> Would it still be rude to ask, “How much can I expect to receive?”
This question is essentially the same as the one above.
Whether it’s rude or not, if you’re okay with any amount, there’s no need to ask. But if you’ve decided you want at least a certain amount, then you should ask.
Then, if the amount is lower than what you want, you need to say something like, “That doesn’t match what I’m looking for, so I’ll head home today,” and actually leave.
If you don’t ask, then you’re accepting any amount—for this time, at least, though I doubt you’ll need to meet him again. If you’re not okay with just any amount, then you need to ask.
If you’re worried about being rude, think about how to ask in a way that isn’t rude.
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If he’s a 5,000-yen guy, I tell him I won’t accept less than 40,000 yen. If he says no, I leave immediately.
Honestly, I don’t think there are many guys who would try to bargain it down that much.
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In that situation, I think the correct response would be, “Huhhh??” There was a song that was popular a little while ago, right?
Of course, it happens in the heat of the moment, and there’s a risk the other person could become aggressive, so I wouldn’t recommend it depending on their personality. Still, it would have been better to calmly say, “I thought we agreed on four,” and make your position clear. At the very least, it’s important to show that you’re not okay with it. Beyond that, though, if the situation seems dangerous, I think it’s wiser not to push things and simply leave.
Even though it’s after the fact, you should report it to the club. From the second meeting onward, it’s essentially private dating, so they probably can’t resolve the matter directly. But letting them know that he’s a poor-quality male member may help prevent further harm and, in the long run, improve the overall quality of the membership.
Most people wouldn’t do something like that, so I think the next person you meet will probably be fine. But if you’re worried, you could explain, “Something like this happened to me before, and I’m feeling anxious, so may I confirm something just to be safe?” and then ask. If you previously lied and said, “You’re my first,” you could say, “A friend of mine had that kind of experience,” instead.
I’ve been asked about this myself. I don’t really mind, but it does leave me feeling slightly uneasy, as though I’m not trusted. I think it would feel much better if you explained that you’re asking because you’re genuinely worried, and why.
Taro
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papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is a relationship based on financial support, so it’s only natural to agree on clear financial terms beforehand.
Asking, “How much allowance will I get?” isn’t rude—in fact, you absolutely shouldn’t move forward without settling that first.
With a 5,000-yen papa, you should have said, “Those terms don’t work for me, so I’ll be leaving now,” and gone home without getting intimate.
Since the official stance of dating clubs is that things are up to the individuals once they’ve been introduced, you need to clearly express what you want yourself.
Stand up for yourself.....
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