I’d like some advice. I’ve been in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for five years now, but embarrassingly, I’m starting to wonder if making my papa (a male supporter) feel important is the only thing I really know how to do.

Men are genetically wired to want to spread their sperm among as many eggs as possible. Since it’s instinctive, I think it’s difficult to stop them. Especially with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it might be best to always assume that things could end someday, see other papas at the same time, and prepare so you can quickly find another papa if you break up. With ordinary relationships, I suppose it comes down to luck. Maybe don’t offer the full package from the start—hold back a little, reveal your skills gradually, and avoid doing too much too soon. P.S. I’ve had one papa-katsu partner for four years now. She has an incredibly tight intimate area, doesn’t talk much, and never sends thank-you messages. She’s rather cold until things become intimate, but she’s amazing in bed, so I don’t want to let her go. I saw Yua Mikami’s YouTube video about a clinic offering surgery to make that area tighter. One option might be to go all in on that side of papa-katsu.

I think it largely comes down to compatibility. How much each person is willing to tolerate, as well as the sense of distance between them, is also important. When you’re compatible, there’s less to put up with, and having an appropriate amount of distance means fewer things bother you. Whether it’s married life or a romantic relationship, some people simply can’t make things last. I feel like many of the girls I’ve dated also tended not to stay with their boyfriends for very long. As for the respondents here, I imagine that by the time they found the right person, they had met quite a few people, or were seeing multiple partners and maintaining a stable relationship by spreading things out, keeping a comfortable distance, and allowing for a certain amount of tolerance. I see marriage, a mistress relationship, and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) as progressively less serious, so when a papa-katsu relationship lasts for a long time, I feel it really must come down to compatibility—or having needs that align.

I tend to fall into two clear categories: papas who naturally fade out after a few meetings, and papas who stay for more than two years. Personality-wise, I’m pretty straightforward—I’ll openly say things like “I like you” or “I don’t like this.” Because of that, I sometimes end up arguing with my papas and exhausting myself… This is just my feeling, but quite a few papas seem genuinely happy when a woman confronts them seriously, even if they don’t show it on their face. As people get older, they tend to become more settled, for better or worse, and they don’t often have women coming at them wholeheartedly the way they did when they were younger. A lot of papa-katsu women may say things like, “I’d really love to see you, Mr. ○○,” but they still have that customer-service distance—polite, but with a wall between you. I go at them wholeheartedly, so perhaps they feel as though they’re reliving those intense clashes between men and women that are so characteristic of youth. That said, I’m putting it in the best possible light. Each of my generous (well-paying) papas describes me as “like a dog.” As I mentioned in another question, apparently I follow them around like a dog, and before they know it, they end up having to “keep” me. That’s probably the real reason. So it depends on your personality, but why not try interacting with him without putting up a wall?

I haven’t had any arrangement last more than three years, so I can’t really speak from a position of authority, but I do feel like things with my current partner could last a very long time. We see each other about 12 times a month, and we’re intimate no more than around four times a month. I originally got into dating clubs thinking it would be great to sleep with someone young, cute, and at least somewhat interested in me. I did meet a few women I was reasonably compatible with, but after about three months, I’d get bored—or rather, start craving some new excitement—and cut things off completely. I’ve done that several times, so I can understand where you’re coming from. After gaining some experience myself, I realized that what makes a relationship last long-term is how attracted you are to the other person—and how much fun you have with them—outside of sex. Of course, if you’re physically incompatible, it’s hard to keep things going. But even if the sex isn’t perfect, if you genuinely enjoy meeting and talking, enjoy keeping in touch when you’re apart, and feel like you want to share your life with that person, I think the relationship can last a long time. When the relationship is mainly physical, we often didn’t have much to talk about over dinner, and the other person would sometimes treat me in a somewhat businesslike way, so it wasn’t all that enjoyable. With my current partner, we never run out of things to talk about, even if we meet every day. Just seeing each other’s faces gives us both a boost, so things have been steady between us so far.

I may be a grandpa, but I’ve been seeing a woman I met after joining Universe for five years now, and it’s still going strong（笑）. She was very young when we first started seeing each other, so she was quite confident, and I remember wondering whether I might be the one getting turned down. These days, we’re even closer than we were at the beginning, and since she receives an allowance, she has no reason to leave（笑）. The only three things I’ve told her from the start are: - Don’t catch any diseases. - Keep our relationship absolutely secret. - Tell me anytime if you want to end things. As for what I find attractive, more than her being beautiful or having good technique, I value things like: - Keeping her promises. - Making me feel comfortable and safe in the relationship. Also, I think what Aya mentioned a little while ago about “deepening (evolving) the relationship” is important. Even papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is still about one person relating to another. Simply “treating your papa well” feels a little insufficient. Maybe you could talk to him about your problems, share the joys of your work and daily life, or listen to how your papa lives his life and incorporate some of that into your own? And since you’ve apparently been seeing your “grandpa” type for about three years, I think it might be a good idea to shift toward grandpa-type supporters（笑）. That said, you can’t choose the women they are, so if you get an opportunity with a grandpa-type supporter, I think you should try to get along with him instead of saying you dislike his wrinkles. It probably won’t develop into a romantic relationship, but there’s nothing wrong with simply being close and getting along well. If you use what you learn from these relationships as a reference for your relationship with your boyfriend, you may find that you’re able to stay together with him for a long time too.

I think it’s better for a woman to have a few hidden depths. If all you do is get him aroused, are you and this man basically in a commercial-sex relationship? That’s not what you want, is it? Maybe he’s picking up on something that feels a little too much like a sex worker. Can’t you make things last through something other than a physical relationship? It’s more fun for both of you when there are little hidden depths and secret doors with surprises behind them—new things to discover.

You give off a somewhat “this is work” vibe, and that makes things boring for men. My style is that I want to be useful to a woman. So even if she flatters me, goes out of her way to accommodate me, or is simply too perfect, that doesn’t make me happy—it actually puts me in an awkward position. At a club, I think women like that can easily be replaced. At your age—or rather, at any age—a woman’s greatest appeal lies in the richness of her emotions and the expressions that show her joy, anger, sadness, and happiness. At the same time, I’m sure you have plenty of worries and stress. When an allowance helps ease not only financial concerns but other worries and stress as well, that is what papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is about. That is also how a papa (a male supporter) fulfills his role and how a woman’s charm can truly come through. The fact that your relationships don’t last even a year, I think, is because the veneer eventually wears off. A relationship deepens only when you express your feelings honestly and directly. To put it harshly, perhaps none of those relationships ever truly got started. Papas, and senior people in general, tend to go out of their way to help younger people—not just women. After living for 50 years or so, they may feel that they could die at any time without regrets, and they try to live that way. As a result, seeing younger people or women happy can bring them even more joy than satisfying themselves. The more skillfully a woman like you conducts herself, the more it can make a man feel there’s no real need to meet—especially when he feels he has only a limited amount of life left and should spend his time on other things. Also, regarding: > I’m honestly worried because I think he’s the type to cut someone off completely. If you let that anxiety show, your honest, innocent, carefree side—and the cuteness of your true feelings and expressions—may not come across as fully charming. I think it’s important to feel that you can’t let go of this person, and that they won’t leave you either. If you become indispensable partners to one another, the relationship is unlikely to end. Whether it’s with a boyfriend or through a club, I believe it’s possible to maintain a relationship for many years, even decades. You want that natural sense of comfort and connection where simply being together feels soothing and healing—where you feel like seeing each other every day.

I don’t think women genuinely fall for a man from the very beginning of an allowance-based arrangement, so I doubt I would ever think, “She likes me this much…” If anything, I’d feel uncomfortable—or at least sense something was off. Likewise, being put on a pedestal would make me uncomfortable because it would feel less like dating and more like customer service to her. Setting aside personal preferences, getting used to each other is inevitable, so I think it’s important to gradually vary how you spend time together and have moments that make you feel the relationship is deepening. In my case, I only continue for more than a few months with women I’m compatible with as people and sexually, but even among them, there have been occasional moments with women I’ve seen for over a year that made me feel our relationship was growing deeper. When there’s no change of any kind, I start to feel unfulfilled, and I eventually stop seeing them as new women I meet come into the picture.