I want my father to understand papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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Is that selfish of me?
When I told him I was thinking about joining a dating club and explained papa-katsu, he opposed it. I told my father because I wanted him to understand me. But he says getting paid for sex is absolutely unacceptable.
Should I not have told him?
And is the world of dating clubs really that unusual?
Part of me started wondering whether my parents might understand working in the nightlife industry better.
Well, of course he wouldn’t understand.
You didn’t need to tell him in the first place.
Why not just make your own decision and do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) without telling him?
Why does the questioner think they need to make their father understand?
Their father must be hurt.
Imagine the questioner’s boyfriend saying:
“I don’t have any money, so I’m going to do mama-katsu.”
“I’m going to become a host and go all out to make money.”
“Please understand. I love you, but I’m going to sleep with other women for money.”
Then saying, “Why don’t you understand?”
It’s not exactly the same, but how would the questioner feel?
Wouldn’t they find it impossible to understand?
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A female writer who was nominated for the Akutagawa Prize graduated from the University of Tokyo’s graduate school. Her parents were also highly educated—her father was a university professor, and her mother was a translator.
When her mother found out that she had appeared in adult videos, she reportedly told her, “I could stand by you even if you became a con artist or a terrorist, but I can’t support you as an adult video actress.”
Whether or not there’s any connection, it reminded me of that.
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I don’t think you should tell other people about dating clubs—not even your parents or siblings.
You don’t need one if you’re living a normal life, after all（笑）. But once your life no longer follows the conventional path, a dating club can become necessary. Even then, though, it’s only relevant to a very small percentage of the adult population.
If you’re going to do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it’s best to keep things discreet and just see each other privately.
It would be nice if everyone could live according to society’s conventional expectations, but that doesn’t work for everyone. That’s why dating clubs are needed.
The world is truly complicated.
That’s what I’ve come to realize.
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You probably shouldn’t tell him.
If he’s understanding, his father may even be doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) himself.
For someone from his father’s generation, looking for a partner through a dating app can be quite a culture shock.
Even when people marry someone they met on a dating app, I think it’s pretty common to tell their parents some harmless lie—like saying they were introduced by a mutual acquaintance—when explaining how they met.
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What? You told your father?
Honestly, I can’t imagine anyone with common sense saying something like that. Try putting yourself in the questioner’s shoes for a moment.
If your precious child were sleeping around with multiple men—even if she was receiving an allowance for it—how would you feel?
Is that really so hard to understand?
What if your boyfriend were doing mama-katsu? Maybe you still wouldn’t get it…
Working in nightlife or doing papa-katsu might be profitable if you’re smart about it.
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It’s a unique underground world for people who need it—not something you’d openly talk about with your father, and not a regular job like working in the nightlife industry.
It’s a world where the people who need it can enjoy themselves in all kinds of arrangements. Unlike the mainstream world, there’s no fixed “ideal” pattern or set way things are supposed to be—it’s incredibly free-form.
For example, with a B-type arrangement, some men and women want an adult relationship (intimate) from the second meeting, while others prefer to meet ten or twenty people, narrow it down to one, and go on plenty of dinner dates before moving forward to an adult relationship (intimate). Even among B-type arrangements, both men and women have different expectations, so it’s very flexible.
It’s a world where an allowance is essential, but some men and women want to clearly negotiate the allowance, while others want to prioritize their feelings. Because it’s underground, you could say it’s a world where you can seek out and find arrangements that come close to what you truly want.
If you tell your father, the mainstream options are either having him fulfill what a papa (a male supporter) would, or earning that amount yourself. And if you’re not prepared for either of those, there’s no point in telling him.
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This may be presumptuous, but after reading your question, I’m concerned about whether you’re thinking this through properly.
No one else can decide what you should or shouldn’t do.
With over 10,000 active male and female members, I don’t think it’s all that unusual. However, I don’t think dating clubs are a good fit for people who aren’t comfortable thinking things through, so I’d advise you not to pursue it.
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