This happened quite a while ago, but I recently found myself wondering how I should have responded, so I’d like to ask everyone for your opinions.
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I first met someone through this site around June the year before last. During our conversation, he asked if I would be okay with 60,000 yen for an adult relationship (intimate). Since the terms weren’t unreasonable, I agreed. After having dinner that day, we entered into an adult relationship.
The next time we met was around August. We had dinner again, then parted ways after an adult relationship for 60,000 yen.
Since I’m the one being treated to dinner and receiving an allowance, I always send everyone a thank-you message after I get home, saying things like, “Thank you very much for today…” and sharing my thoughts about our time together or that I’d like to see them again.
However, after meeting this particular person, he never contacted me again—not even once after I messaged him.
Then, toward the end of the year, I suddenly received an email from him. Since it was quite some time ago, I don’t remember the exact wording, but it was something along these lines:
“Hello. It’s been a while. How have you been? The going rates for papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) have been dropping recently, so would you be willing to meet for 30,000 yen? You’re cute and exactly my type, so I’d really like to see you again.”
Even though I had emailed him after we met in August, he hadn’t replied at all—and now, four months later, he was asking to meet for half the allowance we had originally agreed on.
He is apparently a successful papa (a male supporter), so perhaps he had simply been busy. But after being ignored for four months, only to be offered less than the allowance we had initially agreed on, I was furious.
“Since this is different from what we agreed on, I’m sorry, but I’ll have to decline. It would be difficult for me to meet unless the allowance is the 60,000 yen we originally agreed on. If these terms don’t work for you, please ignore this message and delete my contact information.”
I tried to respond as politely as possible.
After that, he replied:
“You’re cute, so I’d like to see you again. Contact me if you change your mind.”
I’m not particularly attractive, and I’m not very good at conversation either. But I’m short on money, and even if the going rate had dropped, we had already discussed meeting for the allowance we originally agreed on. So when he finally contacted me after such a long time only to lower the allowance, I didn’t have the composure to negotiate or hear him out.
If you were in the same situation, how would you have handled it?
This is all in the past now, so I’d like to learn from it and use the experience going forward.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Since this happened quite a while ago, I’m guessing this falls under:
② He didn’t mean any harm; he was just bored and wanted to chat.
My guess is that the man registered with a dating club and met you, but then either quit because 60,000 yen per meeting felt too expensive, or stopped making offers.
He’s now active on an app. Since some women there accept 10,000 or 20,000 yen, women asking for 30,000 yen are considered a good deal. After meeting various women who accepted 30,000 yen, he probably thought:
“Maybe I can get someone from the dating club to accept 30,000 yen too?”
So he contacted you.
That’s the story I imagine.
In that case, I don’t think there was really any room for negotiation. And even if you had agreed to 30,000 yen, he might have tried to bring it down to 20,000 yen next time.
So I don’t think you need to worry about how you handled it now.
If you wanted to meet him for 30,000 yen at the time, you could have. But there’s nothing wrong with not lowering your allowance and looking for someone who’s willing to meet your terms.
What matters is whether you’re satisfied with your decision and whether you’ll regret it.
I think that’s what you should focus on.
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I’d also interpret it as②. I don’t sense any malice or seriousness in it.
Your emotions definitely come through—that’s what it means to have hit a nerve. What’s more interesting is why you’re directing such strong negative feelings toward a man who offered 30,000 yen. Still, I have a feeling that digging into it wouldn’t uncover anything pleasant, so reflect on it yourself when you have time. I think that’s where the real issue lies.
As for how to move forward from here: this is a perfectly ordinary thing that can happen, and getting angry will only exhaust you. It’s better to brush it off and forget about it. There are all kinds of people in the world.
P.S.
Even if it was only 30,000 yen, that man was attracted to you and made an offer, saying “Please,” while mixing in compliments. You’re completely free to turn him down, but if that makes you angry enough to ask, “What was he thinking?” with such negativity, then the problem is with your own state of mind.
Don’t forget the word “gratitude.” It’s important in life, not just in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
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Some women occasionally say, “We met through this site,” but it’s better to avoid that wording.
A dating club isn’t the same as a papa-katsu app or website.
Men who use dating clubs because they can meet someone discreetly probably won’t choose someone who describes it that way.
Also, if you keep meeting men who look at the going rates and try to lower your allowance, consider that you may be attracting that type of man.
Rather than getting angry at them, it’s more productive to think about how you can become an even more appealing woman.
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I’d go with ②.
Once either person proposes changing the arrangement, I don’t think you can really call it a promise anymore. If you insist on using the word “promise,” I think it would be more accurate to call it a “previous agreement” or something similar.
As for how I would have responded, I’d probably say something like, “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to meet badly enough to accept lower terms.” Or I’d simply ignore her, since she wouldn’t be worth engaging with.
Come to think of it, there was once a woman who contacted me after six months and said she wanted double the pay-per-meeting allowance whenever we met. Personally, I thought, “Are you kidding me?” so I replied, “What made you think I’d double the allowance when nothing has happened between us that would justify it?”
She blocked me after that（笑）
She was the woman who gave me my very first LINE block—a truly historic moment.
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Isn’t it possible that this man was only meeting you for sexual gratification? Not replying even when you sent a thank-you email, not seeing you for months, and having no contact during that time—it’s all far too distant for much of a relationship. I think this is a negotiation to lower the allowance under those circumstances. So, taking into account that you have no real emotional connection with him, but do have a certain sense of security since you’ve been intimate before, you should simply decide calmly whether you can accept those terms and reply accordingly.
Your reply could have been much simpler: “I’d like to see you if the terms are the same as before, but those terms would be difficult for me.” There’s no need to agonize over it, either. He’s that kind of man, so don’t waste extra energy on him—keeping things brisk and detached is the right approach.
In general, it’s better to pay more attention to someone’s actions than to their words. Pleasant things mean nothing if their actions don’t back them up. “You’re cute” or “You’re beautiful” are just polite compliments. As for “I like you” or “I love you,” you should assume that, when Japanese men say those things, they’re often being quite superficial. What matters is whether their actions support their words. It also helps to look at things from the other person’s perspective and objectively consider what they’re gaining from their actions and circumstances. Once you can do that, you’ll be able to read the “battlefield” from a broader perspective. It won’t come immediately, but cultivating that mindset is useful.
Also, while I believe a relationship club is ideally a place where both people’s feelings genuinely connect, it’s also a gray area where some men use it like an amateur escort service, and some women approach it like an amateur hostess club. So when you encounter people like that, I think it’s best to respond briskly and matter-of-factly, like sushi-grade mackerel—preserving your mental energy rather than letting it wear you down.
I hope this helps.
Taro
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