I’ve been seeing a woman for almost a year, but lately it’s been difficult to coordinate our schedules.
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We used to meet two or three times a month, but last month we only met once. Whenever we try to make plans, it’s hard for us to find a time that works for both of us.
When I suggest dates—usually about two weeks in advance—she says she already has plans with friends, goes to the gym, has a hair appointment, and so on.
Yet she tells me that she wants to see me more and feels lonely. I’m willing to rearrange plans when I can, but she doesn’t seem willing to change her own schedule.
Is that generally how women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) are? Could it be related to her age?
Or is it simply that I’m not attractive enough to her, allowance included, and I’m low on her list of priorities?
I know this is a relationship through a club, so people will probably say that if it bothers me, I should move on to someone else. Still, I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts for future reference.
For what it’s worth, ours is a pay-per-meeting arrangement, and I’d say I’m a generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter).
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
If she urgently needed the allowance, she’d make her schedule work around yours.
In other words, getting the allowance isn’t that pressing for her.
Personally, I find it a turnoff when a woman always adjusts her schedule to mine—it makes me feel like she only wants to see me for the allowance.
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My name is Ren Kurosaki from the Osaka branch of Universe Club.
Thank you for your question!
I’m very happy to hear that your relationship has continued for almost a year!
Based on what you’ve shared, I get the feeling that when she says things like, “I want to see you more” or “I miss you,” she may be trying to keep the relationship from fading and prevent you from growing apart.
If she truly wanted to see you, she would probably reschedule existing plans, just as you have done.
Looking at it positively, she may feel secure knowing that your relationship won’t end even if you don’t see each other frequently!
I hope you continue to build a wonderful relationship!
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Maybe the fact that you get hung up over something like that and can’t process it on your own is why your priority drops.
A truly generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter) stands out in many ways, so wouldn’t it be natural for him to become your top priority above all else?
Akari
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If they can’t make time because of friends or a hair appointment, I’d say you’re clearly low on their list of priorities.
If you like her, I think meeting even once a month is fine. But it seems like she doesn’t value you that much, so you might also consider looking for someone else who will like you more.
In my case, I met the woman I’m currently seeing three times during our first month together. Now we meet about 12 times a month. We’re both fairly busy with work, but since we’re high priorities for each other, we’re able to meet smoothly.
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The woman asking says she could meet two or three times a month if you adjust your schedule, but your attitude is basically:
“I’m the one paying, so you should work around me.”
That kind of thinking isn’t going to work.
You’d be much happier if you approached it more as an equal relationship—or at least treated her kindly, since she’s a woman.
You really should stop making everything about yourself.
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I thought maybe it was because of bad breath—or because you go for a second round—but if he says he feels lonely and wants to see you more, that may not be the reason.
If she has the skills to land generous (well-paying) papas, I’d bet she has plenty of them. If someone told me with tears in his eyes that he felt lonely and wanted to see me more, my purse strings would probably come completely undone too.
In conclusion, your best bet is to make offers to other people. In my experience, I’ve never met anyone who said they wanted to see me but then claimed their schedules didn’t line up—that’s just unnatural.
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I think you’ve been downgraded from a weekly arrangement to a monthly one. From her perspective, it’s not that she doesn’t want to see you at all, so when you message her saying you’d like to meet, she’ll probably respond in a way that suggests there’s still a chance. But judging from the facts, it seems quite likely that you’ve been moved to a monthly arrangement.
There could be all kinds of reasons. Maybe your personalities or intimate compatibility didn’t click, maybe a very generous (well-paying) papa (a male supporter) came along, or maybe she simply no longer needs the money. In any case, I think it’s worth considering the possible causes, making improvements where you can, and putting out a feeler. That said, finding the right answer may be difficult.
More importantly, I think you should avoid building up frustration. If seeing her once a month is still worthwhile to you, you should accept that arrangement. It’s fine to make an effort to suggest something that might improve things, but maintaining the mindset not to be discouraged if it doesn’t work out is crucial. Since your schedule will have more openings, you might also want to make new offers elsewhere.
Relationships are between people, so there’s no single right answer, and all sorts of things happen. Looking for areas to improve is important, but no one is going to tell you the correct answer—and it can feel like an endless maze. In that maze, isn’t one advantage of a dating club that you can aim for multiple promising connections rather than betting everything on one? This may be the time to make use of that strength while adjusting your approach along the way.
Taro
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I’m a Paper Airplane whose meeting frequency hasn’t changed even after three or four years—some women I still see four or five times a month, and others around ten times a month.
> Plans with friends, going to the gym, appointments at the salon, etc.
Those are all pretty easy to reschedule or change, aren’t they? You can even cut things short and leave early if it’s plans with friends or a gym session. If you have a date scheduled first, you can always push it back or ask them to wait.
> I think I’m the generous (well-paying) type of papa (a male supporter).
What do you think the other person would think of a papa who considers himself generous after meeting only two or three times a month? If you’re going to call yourself a generous papa, meet her at least 10–20 times a month. (If a woman really wants to meet, I think she could probably make time for 24 or 25 dates a month if she tried.)
Only once you become a papa who can meet whenever it suits her are you even a wannabe generous papa.
It’s important for a papa to be useful when it’s convenient for the woman, too. As I mentioned before, my only real selling point is that I’m always available to meet—hence, Paper Airplane.
I’ve hardly ever been the one to say I wanted to meet. On almost every day a woman has said she wanted to see me, I’ve met her.
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Exactly! (lol)
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> Or is it simply that I’m not attractive enough to him—including the allowance? Maybe I’m low on his list of priorities?
The women I see also tell me what they’d like, but they’re flexible too.
The woman I’m seeing knows I’m always free, but even so, she usually contacts me about a week in advance. The other day, she contacted me just two days ahead, and this time she said she’d be away on a business trip and suggested a date half a month from now.
Well, we’re somewhere between a parent-and-child and grandparent-and-grandchild relationship, so she does sometimes drag me around at her whim—but we’re having fun. (lol)
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Even if he’s gentlemanly, kind, and offers a generous allowance, most older men don’t exactly have attractive bodies once they take their clothes off.
Is your body nice to look at when you’re naked?
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Calling yourself a generous papa probably means that, to her, the relationship isn’t worth the allowance you’re paying.
She likely prioritizes other papas, or sees you as a backup papa she’ll meet only when she’s free.
If you can’t put up with that, I think you’d be better off offering to meet someone else.
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For her, what she wants to do comes first, while earning money for it is probably a lower priority.
Also, if you’re willing to rearrange your schedule to accommodate her, she may no longer feel the need to adjust her plans to raise the money.
You say you’re a generous papa (well-paying), but if you think the amount of the allowance can buy a woman’s motivation, you’re still rather naive. Money alone can’t buy someone’s feelings.
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