I know there may be nothing I can do, but I’d really appreciate some advice. A papa I haven’t known for very long has found out my parents’ address.
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When we met after I got back from university, I had my student ID tucked inside my coat so it would be easy to use on campus, but I must have dropped it. While we were taking turns showering at the hotel, he picked it up, and when I came out, he was staring at it intently.
At the time, I just thought, “Oh, I must have dropped it!” and took it back right away. During our conversations, I’d already told him my real age and name because I was worried I might slip up or that he might approach me in public using my real information. So the only thing I’m really concerned about is my address. Honestly, I feel like my life is over.
I’m about to become independent, so I simply won’t tell him the address of my new place. But I don’t think moving my parents’ home is realistic. I’m terrified that when our relationship ends or we have a disagreement, he might lose his temper and harass or even harm my parents.
I know this is my own fault, but I’m genuinely sorry and scared that I might not be the only one who could be harmed.
The fact that he knows is already irreversible, so what can I do from this point on, and what should I be careful about?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Member of another dating club
I also have a habit of casually tossing important things into my pocket, but whatever happens, any trouble caused is ultimately the result of my own carelessness.
All I can do is be more careful from now on..!
The same goes when meeting a papa, but be sure to keep your valuables safe at all times..!
Yuki Higashino
Universe Club Staff
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This is Fullerene!
With your papa’s permission, try to learn more of his personal information. Unless he’s emotionally unstable or has little to lose, that should serve as a kind of safety net. Basically, the papa usually has more to lose.
It’s like mutually assured destruction in nuclear deterrence. If all you have is a vague sense of unease, that alone should be enough.
As others have said, let’s do something about your current relationship if it makes you feel that your life is over just because of something at this level.
Among the people I’ve dated, there were all kinds of arrangements depending on each person’s personality and principles:
“We both knew each other’s jobs, addresses, real names, and even where we grew up.”
“We both knew each other’s jobs, addresses, and real names.”
“We both knew each other’s jobs and real names.”
“We only knew each other’s jobs.”
“We didn’t know any personal information about each other.”
...Not knowing those things doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is bad.
That said, as you keep talking, one of you may let something slip, and eventually it becomes a hassle to avoid discussing personal information altogether（笑）
Maybe that process is one of the real appeals of this kind of relationship.
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In my case, the only reason we met through a dating club was that it was our initial opportunity to meet. The way we’re involved is more like genuinely building a romantic relationship with one person, so we have no problem knowing each other’s real names—or even our family home addresses.
We actually know each other’s addresses, and I’ve even shared my credit card information with her, to the point where she could make purchases on it without asking... lol
I don’t condemn relationships where a woman receives money from a man and even has sex with him, yet is afraid of him knowing her real name or address. I suppose that’s what people generally mean by papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but...
It feels more like a job to me, so it’s not something I can relate to.
What’s known can’t be undone, so why not stop overthinking it and just accept it?
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You may be feeling anxious because the relationship is still new, but are there really people who would come after you later?
I think continuing to see someone like that would be far more frightening. Don’t rush—take some time to see how things develop. If you’re worried, it may be best not to carry anything that reveals your address.
Also, to avoid creating a situation where they might react angrily, try to handle the breakup thoughtfully—for example, by expressing your gratitude to them.
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Even if you ask for her real name, unless it’s something unusual rather than a common surname like Tanaka, you won’t remember it anyway.
Same goes for her address.
I’m not interested. Neither her address nor her name.
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Nice work posting again to correct the information for the other dating club members.
Personally, knowing someone’s address would never make me think of doing anything malicious. I imagine most other male members feel the same way.
Still, if you’re concerned, as you wrote yourself, the best thing is to be careful not to provoke the other person.
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