I started making an effort because I wanted to become more beautiful. As a result, I began getting approached by nightlife scouts and receiving attention from all kinds of people.
But at the same time, I’ve definitely started being avoided by the kind of ordinary, kind men I actually want to date.
Why is it that the harder I try with my skincare and makeup, the more I seem to be avoided?
I genuinely want to understand the reason.
On dating apps, people even suspected I was a fake profile.
Thank you all for always giving me kind—and sometimes tough—answers.
This is Fullerene!
Could the punchline be that you simply want to brag about being doted on by everyone while dating an ordinary, kind man?
…Anyway, putting that aside, you yourself distinguish between skincare and makeup in your post.
Makeup is about “creating” an appearance, so perhaps the desperation of trying so hard to create that look is making it difficult for people to see your inner self.
I think ordinary, kind men care more about what’s on the inside than you realize.
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People tend to think I don’t look like I work nights, but apparently I stand out at my daughter’s elementary school open class (according to her).
She told me to wear something unfashionable, so I tried disguising myself, but the sunglasses looked so terrible on me that they actually made me stand out even more. She begged me to stop…
Apparently, I look like a bug.
I can’t seem to find anything suitably inoffensive to wear.
So, let’s just go in whatever clothes and makeup we like!
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> Why do people avoid me more the harder I work on my grooming and makeup?
If that’s really the case, maybe your approach to grooming and makeup is simply the kind that people your age tend not to like.
I’m not sure what you mean by “being fawned over in various other ways,” but it’s possible that even in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), some men might avoid that kind of look.
Why not start by exploring a makeup style that people your age won’t find off-putting?
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Women like the finished product, while men like something unfinished.
Young men in particular often seek out someone even less complete than themselves, despite not being fully formed either, so it’s hard for them to find a match.
Women who like older men may become accustomed to the finished product right away, which can make younger men feel unsatisfying.
At the same time, biological youth is also a kind of finished product—perfection, in a sense. So someone who has a good balance of both qualities is pretty rare.
A savvy woman can create the impression of being unfinished—or perhaps she naturally has that unfinished quality within her from birth.
A “cute grandma” might be a good example to follow.
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You may be coming across as too flashy and unapproachable, making him think you wouldn’t be interested in someone like him because you seem popular and have no openings.
Try wearing natural makeup, appearing a little more approachable, and avoiding carrying nothing but expensive brands.
Please.
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>Maybe it’s because you’ve become more beautiful after making an effort to improve your appearance.
I think you may be dressing up a bit too much.
I’m more of a grandpa than an old man, but rather than someone glamorous or overly made-up, I prefer a woman who looks neat, refined, and cute.
You can usually get a sense of someone’s personality after talking with them a little, so as a dating partner, I prefer someone cute rather than merely intelligent.
When it comes to a girlfriend, though, I’d choose an intelligent woman over a cute one.
And by “intelligent,” I don’t mean academic scores（笑）
In my case, as long as she’s reasonably cute, I’ll keep seeing her for a very long time.
I’ve been in an allowance-based relationship with one woman for five years. She’s never said she wants to stop, so there’s no sign of it ending at all!
This is a true story that’s still ongoing（笑）
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Maybe people think you look expensive to date?
I’m not exceptionally beautiful or from a wealthy family—I’m just an average woman—but men around my age often tell me things like, “You seem like you’d be expensive,” or “You’re such a rich girl.”
That’s not really true; they’re just making assumptions, and I don’t let comments like that bother me. I do like older men, and I’m aware that I might be a little high-maintenance financially… but it’s not because papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) has warped my sense of money! I haven’t even done it enough for that to happen.
So I don’t think you need to worry about what other people say. If you’re working hard because you genuinely want to become more beautiful, there will be someone who appreciates and matches that, so try not to let it bother you.
I think investing in yourself is a wonderful thing!
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Let’s think carefully about what kind of women ordinary, kind men tend to like.
As part of your research, why not ask a few men you consider ordinary and kind?
To an ordinary, kind man, a woman who looks very polished and wears heavy makeup may seem intimidating and difficult to approach.
From someone who was an ordinary, kind college student in his early twenties over 20 years ago—and had never cheated.
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You probably ended up looking kind of “professional.”
Instead of focusing only on your appearance, I think you should work on your inner self too. Improving your looks is fun because the changes are visible, but when you actually have a conversation, people can tell if you’re empty inside. Plus, doesn’t that mean you’ll only attract people who care about appearances?
Especially if the kind of person you want to meet values inner qualities—like kindness.
Maybe you’re being treated that way because you come across as empty inside?
Oh, and as for me—well, I haven’t polished either one enough. I’ve got plenty of room to grow.
By the way, I like seaweed-salt potato chips.
Just my personal opinion.
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