I’m Akai from Universe Club, and I’d like to answer as well.
There may be various opinions online, but it ultimately depends on the papa (a male supporter) and the timing, so the most reliable approach is to respond based on the person you’re meeting.
Whether you invite him a week in advance or just two days beforehand, if he doesn’t already have important plans and you’ve built a good relationship, there shouldn’t be any reason for him to turn you down.
If you’re worried, why not discuss it openly with him?
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It’s best to go along with the man’s schedule.
If he lives nearby, the woman might ask a few days in advance, “How does your schedule look?” If I’m free that day, I’ll suggest meeting up.
If he lives farther away, the woman almost never asks. I make plans myself at least two weeks in advance.
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Hmm, usually they contact me about two weeks in advance and ask whether I’m available that weekend.
I don’t message them first to say, “I’m free on [date].”
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Wait, I read the previous question too, but what is this? Why is everyone answering so seriously???
Isn’t this basically just the usual “I’ll go if I can” response? If the date is coming up soon, he’s already booked, and if it’s farther out, he still doesn’t know—an endless loop, right?
Plans a month in advance feel like too much and usually aren’t going to get set, so normally you’d suggest the following week. Someone like Mac is a rare case. Most people don’t have that many dating-club activities scheduled. No matter how busy someone is with work, it’s hard to believe they can’t find time for a woman they like for more than a month.
Actions speak louder than words. No matter what he says, if he can’t meet you, it simply means he doesn’t think that highly of you.
That said, it’s a good idea to cast your line by asking something like, “If next week doesn’t work for you, could you suggest some dates for the week after?” and then wait patiently. Unlike women, men can be fickle, so you might surprisingly manage to reel him in. Though it probably won’t last long...
Taro
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You can probably think of it roughly like this: what feels like two weeks ahead to a woman feels like two or three days ahead to a man; one week ahead feels like one or two days; two or three days ahead feels like the day of; the day before feels like four or five hours before; and the day of feels like one or two hours before.
So I think it’s best to ask with that kind of difference in perspective in mind.
For men, anything from a few hours before the day of to two or three days in advance is probably fine, since it doesn’t feel like a sudden request.
As the number of people you’re seeing increases, your schedule naturally fills up further in advance, so the earlier you ask, the easier it is to coordinate.
Being able to meet whenever—whether planned well ahead or arranged at the last minute—means you’re being prioritized to that extent.
I also think there’s something nice about having a relationship where you can invite each other out anytime.
You can meet whenever either of you feels like seeing the other, and because you can meet, you can ask again whenever you want to. For special occasions, you make plans more than a month ahead; otherwise, you meet whenever you happen to have free time, even if that’s frequently.
The reason the questioner feels uneasy about it is probably because she has to coordinate her schedule with multiple men.
If she weren’t seeing multiple people, she probably wouldn’t be that bothered by a reply arriving a few days later, so it’s fairly common for her to respond around then. When someone’s schedule is already full, I take it as, “Oh, that’s the kind of person she is,” and gradually create more distance—or rather, let the arrangement come to an end.
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In my case, both my partner and I set aside the days we can go on dates first, then schedule our other personal plans around them. So my schedule for the month is usually set about a month to a month and a half in advance.
We meet around 10 times a month, so it’s more like filling up the calendar with plans—for example, “This month, let’s start by meeting every Friday afternoon.”
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For me, it’s usually about a week in advance. The time before that, I got contacted just two days beforehand.
As long as I don’t already have something important scheduled, pretty much any time works for me, so I almost always say, “OK!”
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It depends on the person and the circumstances.
Some women send me their work schedules as soon as they’re released, and we make plans for the following month. Others make plans a few days in advance—or even on the day itself.
I also have plans that are already set for next month, as well as tentative ones. Sometimes it works out perfectly when someone asks if I can meet that evening.
I don’t think there’s one best approach that works for every male member.
Adding this after reading Mac’s answer:
> I don’t dislike the fact that Kazu-san asked another question without getting angry at your cold response.
I have no reason to reject someone who asks an appropriate question.
I can understand how strongly feeling something might lead someone to ask a question, but please don’t forget that the anonymous papa-katsu question box is a place to ask questions, not to share opinions.
If opinions are met with answers, it creates a precedent that sharing opinions is acceptable here. That’s why I respond coldly and reject posts that seem not to follow the “Rules for Using This Site.”
I also believe it’s only natural that someone who can’t even follow those rules would have trouble maintaining a successful relationship, so I have no advice to offer such people.
It’s absurd for someone who isn’t sincere with others to demand sincerity from them.
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