I was invited by a papa (a male supporter) to meet at his home. I’d like to know whether this is common.

Even when someone says “their place,” they might be living in an apartment or hotel specifically for papa-katsu, so there are all kinds of situations. If they have a cat, though, it’s probably their actual everyday home. If their nearest station is Azabu-Juban, there’s reason to be hopeful, but if it’s Musashi-Koganei, things seem a lot tougher. And as cruel as it may sound, the push and pull between a man and a woman starts from the second date. The moment they receive their allowance, their period suddenly starts, an urgent matter comes up, or they suddenly develop a condom allergy and can’t use one anymore. But you can’t exactly confirm everything in advance, either. I wish they’d invent glasses that let you spot people who don’t value you properly...

I think cases where someone suggests meeting at their home are pretty rare. If they specifically want to meet at home, my guess is that they’re trying to save money on a hotel. I’m the type who pursues a serious relationship, so I’ve invited someone I was dating to my home before. We had osechi, made hot pot, and even had a takoyaki party—it was a lot of fun. That said, it was only because we had genuinely become a couple. Meeting at my home definitely wouldn’t have crossed my mind for a second date. So I think it’s most likely about saving on the hotel cost.

I was about to say that I didn’t know whether it was common, but I’ve heard from five male members and three female members I know that they’ve met at their own homes, their partner’s homes, or vacation homes. For what it’s worth, I’ve also invited several women to my home and visited the homes of several women myself. So it seems fairly common to me. I have no way of knowing why that man said he preferred meeting at his home.

Since dates at someone’s home are prohibited on the first date (and going straight to a hotel room is prohibited as well), I assume he invited you thinking it wouldn’t violate the rules after the second date. But realistically, it’s safer to assume that going to someone’s room on only your second time meeting is dangerous. If you’re at the other person’s place, hidden cameras can be installed virtually anywhere. They may even have a room where someone can hide and film you from any angle. If so, there’s a risk of being filmed without your knowledge and having the video sold online. Once something is uploaded to the internet, it’s generally considered impossible to erase it completely. With that in mind, I think it’s better not to go to someone’s home until you feel you can truly trust them. > ① I’ve never met someone at their home before. Is this common? There are very few people like that, though I suppose there are some. However, I think the purpose is either covert filming or saving money on a hotel. Many people say it’s because they don’t want to be seen by others, but if that were really the reason, they could simply meet inside a hotel room. So I think you should decide whether to agree only after considering whether you’re comfortable with their explanation. In this case, if that’s the kind of person he was, I think you should be glad you found out sooner rather than later. It simply means he wasn’t a very impressive man. > ② I don’t really understand why he insisted so strongly on meeting at his place until the very end… > Why was he so set on it when we met at a hotel the first time? I assume it was either for covert filming or because he wanted to avoid paying for a room. > I’m wondering whether I should also give the club feedback or complete a survey if necessary. We now know that this man invites women to his home on the second date, so I think it would be helpful to mention just that. After the second date, the relationship is left up to the individuals, so it would probably be best not to complain about that aspect.

Our homes are close by, so we often watch movies at my place and spend time together. Of course, that was after we got to know each other and things continued—but I think we were already at my place by the third date. He’s the one lacking common sense, so don’t let it bother you and look toward the future. To help prevent this from happening to someone else, leave feedback with your complaint: “a man who invited me to his place on the second date.”

I don’t think that’s very common. You should only start visiting each other’s homes once you’ve built a deep level of trust. Even then, make sure you have some way to protect yourself if anything happens—for example, getting their business card.

That’s extremely rare, I’d say. There’s no way a grown man would invite someone to his home on only the second meeting. I could perhaps understand it if it were the woman’s place, but… So it’s completely understandable that you’d feel very suspicious. I’ve been to women’s apartments several times, but only while waiting or helping them with something—I’ve never been intimate with them. The only time I stay for long is when I’ve prepared a special meal for them, and even then, we just eat and relax.

First of all, I think very few men suggest dates at their homes. I’m not sure why you were set on having a date at his home, but considering the possibility of hidden cameras or similar risks, I wouldn’t recommend it. Even if this was a private arrangement after the second date, I think you should still report it to the club.