What I’ve noticed is that the women in these arrangements also want relationships that feel safe and secure.
However, since relationships at dating clubs can end so easily, I suspect many women end up seeing multiple men simply because they have no choice.
Personally, I think it’s best to stay with a woman you like for a little longer—around three years, perhaps. During that time, her lifestyle and financial situation will probably change as well.
If you tell her, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to end our arrangement,” then after a year or so, your relationship will become firmly established. You’ll be able to enjoy something safe and stable.
Among the women who register one after another, there are plenty who are beautiful and seem lovely. But I just think, “Well, my current partner is fine. Maybe I’ll make an offer if she says she wants to end things,” and leave it at that.
If you carry on like that, the relationship can continue for a long time, with no end in sight. Still, I assume we’ll eventually drift apart. Who knows—maybe years from now, or maybe soon? Just in case, I currently have five favorites（笑）
I think it’s better to approach these relationships with a longer-term perspective.
Even an unattractive old guy can become incredibly popular.
And once you’re in your forties, you’re practically guaranteed to be super popular（笑）
Delusion?
Fantasy?
Ideal?
The fact that you say:
> Every woman I’ve met normally in the city so far—including those with or without an allowance—has wanted “only you”
makes me think you’re mistaken about the situation.
I’m not denying that there are women who want to be exclusive with you, but plenty of women date multiple people.
For example, I recently heard the following story from a woman I’m seeing regularly. She has a close-knit group of four coworkers who joined the company at the same time—A through D. Apparently, D believes it’s absolutely unacceptable to spend time with another man while you have a boyfriend.
The other three, A through C—including the woman I’m seeing—are the type who will spend time with other men even when they have boyfriends, and D was always lecturing them about it.
Then, at the company department’s year-end party last December, D got completely drunk, openly made a pass at a male superior in front of everyone, and was caught taking him home for her own purposes.
C, who was there, apparently tried to stop her as a friend, but D ignored her and went ahead anyway.
Because D had made such a spectacular scene, rumors spread throughout the department and she became isolated. D assumed that C, who had been there, was the one spreading the rumors, so she berated C and hurled verbal abuse at her.
At that point, A through C were basically thinking, “You lectured us so much, and now you’ve gone and blown yourself up—and you’re verbally abusing C even though she tried to stop you?” D ended up being pushed out of the close-knit group of four.
I used the most recent story I heard as an example, but I often hear similar stories from other women I’m seeing—about their own boyfriends, or their friends’ boyfriends, friends-with-benefits partners, and married partners.
The idea that “every woman wants only you” is simply a fantasy on your part.
I think the first thing to realize is that meeting someone naturally and meeting someone through a club are fundamentally different.
When you meet someone through a club, the relationship is based on receiving an allowance. Of course, some people register not just for the allowance, but also for the sense of security or the life experience, too…
So, if you want her to focus on you exclusively, the simplest solution would be to offer an allowance that makes her feel she has enough with just you—perhaps by adjusting it based on how often you meet, or by arranging a monthly allowance.
Of course, if she feels that she simply can’t be attracted to you, no matter how much she receives, then there’s nothing you can do about that…
That said, I’m personally the type who has fairly ordinary sensibilities. I’d be grateful to receive an allowance, but that’s about it. I can earn my own money and buy what I want myself. Naturally, I’d appreciate a larger amount, and I’d be extremely happy to receive gifts.
But it’s not as though I have anything particularly special that would make someone want to treat me that way. I’ve never dated multiple people at once, and I probably couldn’t do it. I’m not that good at juggling things, and I don’t have the time either.
Besides, it’s not like I get that many first-meeting offers in the first place…
If you’re dating a popular woman who gets that many offers, I’d say you’re lucky, though.
There are all kinds of women, so I think you should make plenty of offers and look for someone who suits you. Since you’re paying the registration and offer fees, there’s no need to force yourself to stay with someone you don’t genuinely like. I’m sure there’s someone who would be a good match for you.
However, I don’t think you should ask things like, “How many offers do you get?” Regardless of how many offers she receives, she’s dating you because she thinks you’re the one she wants. So I think you should feel confident and enjoy the relationship.
It’s natural for a woman to want to be “the only one” for the man she’s dating, isn’t it? After all, it’s hard to find someone who would be okay with a man she likes—or loves—dating other women as well.
However, in the world of dating clubs and papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), at least as an entry point, “having feelings for the man” tends to be considered less important than “receiving stable financial support.”
Even if she doesn’t particularly like the man, as long as she isn’t physically repulsed by him and they can agree on the financial terms, she may still date him. Since she doesn’t genuinely love him in the first place, I think many women simply don’t care whether he’s focused only on them.
(Related to your previous question as well,) if she doesn’t expect the man to date only her, it’s natural that she may also think, “Then he probably won’t mind if I meet other men.”
That said, I think many women start wanting a man to look only at them once the following conditions are in place:
1. She receives sufficient financial support from him.
2. She can reasonably expect that support to continue steadily over the long term, rather than being temporary.
3. She feels cherished by him as a woman.
4. He is wonderful in ways beyond money—he’s attractive, fun to talk to, shares similar values, and so on—and she comes to genuinely like him as a romantic partner.
PJ girls aren’t unusual in this regard. They’re ordinary women too, so when it comes to a man they truly like, they can also want him to look only at them.
It’s just that, generally speaking, there aren’t many men they can come to like that deeply. That may be why the impression has developed that “PJ girls don’t want men to focus only on them.”
In the end, I think relationships like these rarely leave both sides truly fulfilled because they’re based on men bringing little more than sexual desire and money, and women bringing little more than financial desire and physical beauty.
Night-shift Taro is here, answering questions only after dark.
As for the first question, how does that kind of comment even come up in the first place? I think it’s pretty rare for a woman to bring it up herself. Maybe the guy asked something like, “You’re getting offers from other men too, right?” and that’s how the conversation started. If so, I’d say the person asking is at fault. Especially in the beginning, of course there will be other offers, and women may have things they don’t want to tell men—like being unsure which one to choose or seeing multiple people at once. But once things settle down after the initial period, it usually calms down. Almost all of the women I’ve made offers to in the past have left the site by now, and only a small handful continue being active for a long time.
Some women receive fewer offers because their photos don’t do them justice or because they have a more niche look. But if you genuinely think someone is attractive, other men probably will too, so she’ll likely receive a fair number of offers. Even then, a woman can’t exactly say, “I’m getting tons of offers from other men, so could you give me some time to decide whether I want to see you again?” It’s different from simply being busy with work in the normal business world. So she blurts out something vague—a clumsy lie. I think that’s understandable. On the other hand, if you expect women to have the skill to lie convincingly, you might be a different kind of weirdo（笑）
If you like her, just keep telling her plainly, “I really like you. I want to see you again.” You can probably get a general idea of how she feels from how often she agrees to meet. And the real test begins in the few months after her profile disappears from the site. I’ve even received some pretty cringey LINE messages like, “What would it take for us to meet○ times a month?”（笑）
Of course, there are also women who continue to stay registered with a dating club, and I’m sure there are various ways to build a relationship with that kind of woman. But I honestly don’t know much about that, so if that’s the route you want to take, follow the advice of someone who does. That’s not my style, so I simply don’t have the knowledge or experience(^^;;
On the other hand, from a man’s perspective, isn’t it more problematic when he likes a woman, things don’t work out, and they part ways—only for him to make an offer to another woman right afterward and go on an intimate date with her the following week? In front of the woman, he acts serious, but internally he’s thinking, “Well, if she didn’t work out, why not just make an offer to someone else?” He hasn’t really committed himself. And the obvious truth is that a woman’s heart isn’t going to be moved by the words of a man like that.
Taro
Since the question box is for questions, I removed the parts that weren’t questions.
Even when men lie, they usually get found out eventually… unlike women, I’m sure.
> Women are left worrying about all sorts of things without any security.
Unless you put those worries to rest, she won’t be able to feel at ease, so you need to earn her trust.
As long as you want to date multiple women, the people you’re seeing will inevitably change, and women are very sensitive to that.
There’s a difference between dating multiple women simply because that’s what you want and dating someone you’d be perfectly happy to have as your only partner.
The way that comes across to women is different, and so is the man’s behavior. Even without lying, she’ll naturally choose to believe you in a positive light.
And once she feels secure, some women may even openly discuss or consult you about your other relationships. If that happens, it would be good to hear her out.
Also, if you really like her, you should respond as though you’re willing to see her often enough that dating multiple women wouldn’t be possible—you’ll convey your feelings that way too. But whether you can actually do that… it’s difficult if you’re only thinking about your own convenience.
Unless the woman feels that you genuinely like her more than she ever imagined, she won’t tell you the truth or share her real feelings.
If men are allowed to see multiple partners but women aren’t, I feel it would be difficult to make that work because it puts the woman (the PJ) at too much risk.
(I’m not criticizing the idea, just sharing my thoughts.)
Even if a man supports her generously, there’s always the risk that it could end someday. So while he has a kind of safety net through multiple arrangements, she’s left without one and has to worry about all sorts of things.
Women have to choose between the hassle of lying, “You’re the only one,” while seeing multiple partners, or facing the anxiety of being in an exclusive arrangement. It really depends on personal preference.
Personally, when it comes to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I think multiple arrangements are ideal for both men and women!
Of course, the basic rule is to avoid hinting that you’re seeing others—and not to pry into it in the first place.
