I only recently joined, so I haven’t seen anyone twice yet. For the first meeting, we had dinner for two hours after the initial meet-and-greet, followed by some private time. Has anyone built a relationship where you go straight to a hotel from the second date onward?
Ideally, I’d like to have dinner and talk before going each time, but it’s hard to find the time on weekday evenings. Honestly, I’d even be fine with having some dinner-only (no intimacy) dates.
When I want to see someone but don’t have much time, I’m not sure whether I should invite them for dinner only or ask if they’d be okay with having some hotel-only dates.
I’d appreciate hearing the opinions and examples of how both male members who struggle to make time and female members receiving offers handle this.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
“It would make me happy if we could meet even when you only have a little time. Would you be okay with either just dinner or just going to a hotel?”
It can be helpful to phrase it that way, giving the other person the option to choose either one.
If you went to a hotel on the first meeting, it shouldn’t be a problem. But if you haven’t, it’s probably better not to suddenly suggest it on the second meeting.
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With the men I’ve met so far, we usually went out for a meal and then to a room from the second meeting onward.
Sometimes we’d already eaten and would meet directly at the room, but even then, we’d have tea and spend some time together there.
Personally, if we’ve already met a few times, I wouldn’t mind being invited to “dinner only” or “the room only,” as long as they explained that they wanted to see me but didn’t have much time. If you ask politely, I don’t think she’d take it badly!
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Please ask her directly. She probably has her own thoughts and preferences.
For example:
- “I’m okay with just meeting at a hotel” → “I definitely want the allowance for an adult relationship.”
- “Dinner only is fine, even with just the dinner allowance.”
- “I’d like dinner plus an adult relationship” → “I don’t want it to seem like you’re only interested in my body.”
And so on. Try to find out what she wants and accommodate her wishes.
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Generally, it’s best to go from dinner or tea to a private room.
If there’s a reason, such as not having much time, I think it’s best to ask the woman directly—something like, “Would you prefer dinner only or just the room?”
Some women may feel that, if they’re meeting anyway, they’d rather receive a substantial allowance for just the room than a smaller allowance for dinner only…
But there are also women who wouldn’t want to go straight to just the room.
It might be a good idea to let the woman make the choice.
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Personally, if someone asked me whether we could just meet at a hotel for our second date, I wouldn’t feel good about it. I’d wonder if they were only interested in my body.
In the past, someone who sent me a letter offer unilaterally asked that, from the second meeting onward, we skip the meal and have only an adult relationship (intimate), meeting directly at a hotel.
That wasn’t the kind of arrangement I wanted, so I declined to meet him.
Everyone is different, though, so I think it would be best to ask what your partner wants as well.
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I’m Potassium.
Good evening.
I think it depends on how close you became during the first meeting.
Personally, I might feel a little guarded if the only option early on were going straight to a hotel. As the other respondents mentioned, room service could be a good alternative. I also think it would be perfectly fine to discuss beforehand over LINE—explaining your reasons and saying something like, “This is how I’d like things to go from here; would that be okay?”
I often talk things through—and sometimes even argue—with my papa (a male supporter) about our relationship, but ultimately, I think those conversations are what help us consider each other’s feelings when we meet.
A relationship isn’t something one person decides alone, after all.
If it starts to feel like it’s only about physical intimacy, things may end up moving forward as a transactional relationship....... So if that’s what you want, meeting at a hotel every time could be an option too. People who have been doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for a long time, or who are used to it, may prefer things that way....
That’s just my personal opinion.
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When you’re still getting to know each other, I think it’s best to avoid meeting only at a hotel.
At the very least, you could order room service—or, like I do, have some drinks and cake ready.
Showing her that you’re interested in more than just her body will help the relationship go smoothly going forward.
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Yes, that happens.
Sometimes we order room service at the hotel, and other times we bring food from the department-store basement to eat there. There have also been times when we skipped the meal and got right to it.
It’s probably safest to stick with having a meal, as you did on the first meeting. But allowance-based dating isn’t a standardized service—it’s a relationship. As long as both people are comfortable with the arrangement, I think anything goes.
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