I’d especially like to hear from women, but men are welcome to answer too.
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About my papa (a male supporter): is there anyone who continues seeing a papa purely for the allowance even though talking to him on the phone is painful, you can’t wait to hang up, and of course meeting him in person is painful too?
That’s how I feel about my current papa. He calls me every day, keeps sending me LINE messages, and if I don’t reply for a little while, he sends follow-up messages. It’s really annoying. I have a hard time taking time off from my job, but he keeps insisting that I take time off “for him.”
The allowance is extremely generous—probably so generous that I feel I’ll never find anyone else willing to pay me more if I end things with him.
But every time I meet him, I find it incredibly difficult.
Should I just treat it as a transactional relationship for the sake of the allowance? Or should I look for a papa I can actually enjoy talking to and meeting?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
In that case, it might be a good idea to find a papa who can be your emotional support person—someone who says, “You don’t need to give me an allowance. Just meet me and let me listen.”
The key here is to make him feel special by saying things like, “You don’t need to give me an allowance,” or “For you, ○○, it’s not about the allowance.” (Because he won’t let you leave without giving you one anyway.)
You’ll be amazed at how much easier and more refreshing it feels to meet someone without receiving an allowance. You can relieve your stress, talk about things you can’t tell your friends or anyone else, and vent as much as you want. Once you’ve gotten it all out, you’ll think it would be a waste to spend the whole time talking about complaints, so you can just enjoy yourselves.
I was basically a paper airplane who came running whenever summoned—an errand boy and a professional listener for complaints. Call me, and I’ll pop up anytime to help deal with the chaos.
And papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is, quite literally, an activity that helps you come alive through your papa.
If it makes you feel more alive, that’s great—but if it doesn’t…
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There seem to be a lot of breakups lately. If it were me, I’d think of each message as worth 1,000 yen and save the money. My family didn’t have much, so I’ve worked hard to build up my savings.
If you’re just blowing the money on stress spending, that’s no good. I’d use it as seed capital and invest in stocks or real estate. It’s easier to stick with it when you think of it as a lifelong asset.
Find a backup person first, then politely let the other person know that you don’t like follow-up LINE messages or phone calls and shift things over.
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I’ve also been involved with that kind of possessive papa (a male supporter), but it didn’t last more than a few months.
There are definitely people you can be with comfortably and naturally, so you’ll feel much better mentally if you end things.
That’s when you may finally realize, “It’s not just about the money…”
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Your job should come first—no question about it.
Anyone telling you to take time off work isn’t really thinking about what’s best for you, is they?
I assume you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for your future, not just for the allowance. What do you think?
Try going back to the basics and think it over again (× ×).
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I’m Zuiki, the annoying male member who keeps sending follow-up LINE messages.
Isn’t it that you’re not confident you can find a papa (a male supporter) with better terms than this difficult one? You’re looking for empathy from female respondents who are putting up with circumstances similar to yours, after all!
You do find that allowance appealing, don’t you?
If I were in your position, I’d accept the transactional relationship for the sake of that allowance.
The reason is that you said so yourself at the beginning. You want to keep things transactional, right?
Then you should focus on finding ways to ease the discomfort. Actually, that’s not quite how I’d put it—you should focus on making yourself someone who doesn’t feel the discomfort in the first place.
Isn’t that what you mean by “keeping things transactional”?
By the way, the women I date tell me they look forward to seeing me every time.
Though my monthly allowance is pretty low.
That’s just my rather forceful personal opinion.
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Ultimately, whether you continue or quit is entirely up to you.
I think it simply comes down to this: if the allowance is generous, you need to offer something that matches it.
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Looking through the questions submitted to the Q&A box, it seems some women continue seeing men they find unpleasant because of the allowance.
Whether to accept a transactional relationship for the allowance or look for a papa (a male supporter) they actually look forward to seeing is up to the person asking. It’s not really something other people can decide for them.
Personally, though, I don’t think it’s worth forcing yourself to keep seeing someone who causes you stress.
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In the past, I continued seeing someone like that for a few months, putting up with it, but the stress built up, so I ended things pretty quickly.
Since then, I only continue seeing people I genuinely enjoy spending time with!
Personally, I don’t think papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is something you should do if it causes you stress.
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I think you should keep your current relationship while looking for papas who don’t make you feel uncomfortable and who respect appropriate boundaries.
Even if each papa offers a smaller allowance, having several of them could add up to about the same amount.
Once you have several papas, try telling your current papa something like:
“It’s hard for me when you keep calling and messaging me every day. I’d like to limit calls to once a week and LINE messages to once a day.”
If he says he can’t accept that, I think it would be best to end things.
After that, you can continue seeing multiple papas and work toward maintaining the same lifestyle you have now.
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