I’m a man in my late 40s who’s really enjoying papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and I’d love to hear advice from those with more experience.

I completely understand how you feel. I follow my heart, too. We’re almost the same age. I wonder how many more years we can keep doing this—or enjoying an adult relationship（笑）. I’ll just follow my heart and keep going for as long as I can. For about the first two years after joining, I made offers nonstop, but I’ve calmed down quite a bit now. Whenever I part ways with a woman I’ve been seeing regularly, I make a lot of offers all at once to find someone I’ll be satisfied with. Once I find her, I calm down again. That’s become the cycle.

In my case, I thought things through carefully and decided on the type of relationship I wanted before joining a dating club and getting started, so I don’t really experience ups and downs, acting on impulse, or a period of stagnation（笑） That said, during the first year or so, there were times when I felt like making an offer, but I’ve just kept going with the attitude of, “Maybe things are fine as they are（笑）.” Also, as the relationship continues over time, it becomes stable, which makes it nice to be able to carry on comfortably and without worry. I’m sure there are plenty of women who are more wonderful than my current partner, but I’m not particularly rich or handsome myself, so I end up thinking, “Maybe things are fine as they are（笑）.” I could probably manage multiple relationships if I really tried, but since I don’t have any ups and downs to begin with, I don’t feel motivated to do it（笑） P.S. Oh, and yes, I do have favorites. Five at the moment（笑） I’m very selective.

You seem like the type who prefers having a small number of deep connections. The ultimate ideal for someone like that might be narrowing it down to just one person. Once you find a clear No. 1 mistress, you naturally stop accepting new offers. At least, that’s how it was with my papas (male supporters). They started out seeing several people at once, but gradually, the others were weeded out, so to speak. That said, if you’re not dissatisfied with things as they are, I think it’s perfectly fine to leave them that way. You might simply be the type who enjoys having multiple arrangements at the same time. If so, there’s no need to force yourself to choose just one. Take some time to really think about what you truly want.

I understand what you’re saying. I made around 50 offers over six months. Among them, there were times when I thought, “This person is great!” and continued seeing her, but still found myself making new offers for no particular reason. Then, if I met someone through a new offer whom I liked even more, I would stop seeing the person I had previously liked and move on. But before long, I’d feel like making another new offer again... It became a repeating cycle. I’m the type who wants to find one person I can build a solid relationship with, which is why things unfolded that way. But if I were the type who wanted to date multiple people, I imagine I might end up in the same situation and feeling as you. Why do we end up making new offers? Why do we feel like doing it? I think it’s because we haven’t met the woman who becomes our absolute number one. Even if there’s someone among the women you’re currently seeing whom you consider “number one,” she’s really only the【current number one】, not your【absolute number one】. That’s probably why you keep looking for the next offer and the next possibility. Eventually, I believe you’ll meet your absolute number one, so for now, enjoy spending time with the women currently near the top while you wait for her to come along. Once your absolute number one appears... I don’t think you’ll even be able to consider making new offers anymore. I made around 50 offers before meeting my current absolute number one, so perhaps I actually found her relatively quickly. That’s why, if you have the time and money to casually spend on the women ranked third or fourth, I think it’s wiser to cut things off with them early and devote that time and money to searching for your absolute number one.

> Isn’t it normal for things to have ups and downs? It’s probably better if there aren’t any—at least from the woman’s perspective. If you genuinely want to be useful to her and make her happy, you’ll naturally want to meet her in the way she prefers. I think there are two types of people: those who prioritize their own convenience, and those who take pleasure in accommodating the other person. If you’re the latter, there won’t be any ups and downs—you’ll keep trying to be there for her even when things aren’t perfect. > Do you make new offers based on instinct? No, I don’t. If I already have a favorite woman I’d be happy to stay with exclusively, I don’t feel any particular need to make more offers. For that to happen, though, you also need to become someone special to her. Given your age, if you’ve been an adult for more than 30 years, you should be able to judge from your life experience whether someone is the best match—or the best encounter—you’ve ever had. You can probably also tell when you’ve met someone so exceptional that you’re unlikely to find anyone better. I hope you have an encounter like that. Based on your question, though, it sounds like you’re still on the way there. To put it a little bluntly, feeling a > period of boredom isn’t really ideal for a papa. There are many men who are overflowing with admiration and gratitude toward women, and the reality is that it’s hard to compete with the way those feelings naturally come through. To make a woman feel truly comfortable and at ease, I think it’s important to regularly feel that kind of gratitude toward women as part of your own life. A woman who is indispensable to your life isn’t someone you leave gaps between meetings with—assuming there’s a need to meet. That’s probably what being a man means. Of course, unless you’re incapacitated by an accident or illness. Even then, though, the relationship can deepen because she visits you, worries about you, and supports you. As advice, you might want to keep making offers until your current four are effectively replaced entirely. P.S. > I made about 50 offers before meeting my current absolute number-one. So yes, it does seem like making 50 or even 100 offers may be necessary. At first, you might start seeing a perfect number-one out of every 10 or 20 women. After 30 to 40 offers, you may meet someone whose compatibility overwhelms even that. By the time you reach 50 or 100, you might encounter that “absolute number-one”—the one person who feels truly unique among all your experiences as a working adult over the past 30 or 40 years. That only applies to men who are capable of narrowing things down, though—in other words, men who find that kind of exclusive connection appealing. The trade-off is that they don’t find dating several or many women attractive. Some men enjoy meeting several women once or twice a month, while others find that boring. It really comes down to what you find appealing. If you’re confident that you can narrow things down—and that you can be chosen in return—you could try doing it intensively, like making 18 offers in three days or arranging four first meetings in one day. These days, I don’t feel like making new offers just to search for someone, but when I first joined and was actively looking, I made around 20 offers a month.

You have four already! If you’re still feeling restless, why not make an offer to someone new?

It’s like the masturbation abstinence phase middle school boys go through—everyone struggles with these things and eventually grows up. People used to worry, “Will masturbating too much make me stupid?” but you don’t hear that much anymore. You say you’re in your late 40s, but in another ten years, those doubts will disappear. You’ll simply want to make the most of the time you have left. So while cherishing the girls in your life now, you should also keep seeking new women. I’ll keep running as hard as I can until the sun goes down. I don’t have the luxury of stopping to admire the scenery or think about where I’ll end up. P.S. > Adventure Merchant An absolute number one, huh? Girls in their twenties change, after all. In just six months, they may have become completely different women. I’m not talking about them deteriorating. That’s another reason I don’t have an absolute number one. The girl standing in front of me today will surely be a different woman tomorrow. I carry on with this outlook, accepting that nothing stays the same. It’s like admiring the flowers blooming in a garden. At any given moment, there are flowers in full bloom. Just because you particularly love one flower, you wouldn’t fill the entire garden with only that flower, would you? Seasons change, and so do the flowers. A secret garden.