After going out for meals and becoming intimate a few times, he asked how much allowance I wanted if we were going to continue seeing each other.
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I had an amount in mind, but since he was my favorite papa (a male supporter) and I didn’t know his budget, I ended up saying I’d leave it up to him.
I felt like he liked me, so I thought he might offer a little more, but it was less than I expected—and it’s been that way for over a month now.
I like my papa, but if this continues, I may have to reconsider.
Since I was the one who said I’d leave it up to him, how would he feel if I tried to renegotiate?
Also, I’d prefer to increase my allowance without negotiating directly. From a man’s perspective, even though he decided the current allowance himself, what would make him want to increase it a little?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
> What do you think would happen if I said “I’ll leave it up to you” but then tried to renegotiate later?
If you felt the allowance was too low after saying you’d leave it up to him, you should have negotiated when arranging the second meeting, along the lines of:
“This was my first time, so I left the allowance up to you, but I was actually hoping for around ¥〇〇. Would ¥〇〇 be difficult for our next meeting?”
If he refused, the basic approach would be not to meet him again after the second meeting.
(Actually, the usual thing would be to block him without saying anything and cut off contact, because a man who offers a low amount when you leave it up to him either has no intention of paying more or simply can’t afford to.)
Since it sounds like you’ve already met several times, it’s probably going to be almost impossible to negotiate at this point.
Still, I think there’s nothing wrong with trying, even if you don’t expect much.
> From a man’s perspective, if the allowance being paid was originally decided by him, what would make him consider increasing it?
I’ve never heard of a man increasing the allowance on his own, although I vaguely recall some respondents mentioning that they had done so in the past.
That said, I think you should assume that men like that are extremely rare—almost nonexistent.
To give you an idea of how uncommon it is, they’re probably about as rare as a man who gives you ¥200,000 as an allowance at the first meeting.
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If you said you were leaving it up to him, you should stand by your word.
If you want to negotiate, it’s probably best to do so only after deciding that you’re okay with the relationship ending.
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Negotiating your allowance is too risky, so I’ve never done it myself…
But if I were to try, I might:
- Become his favorite and increase how often you meet
- Give up the allowance and ask for gifts instead
- Hint that you’re busy with a side job to earn money and can’t meet often, then wait for your papa to say, “Why don’t you quit your side job? I’ll increase your allowance.”
Either way, it seems difficult unless your papa really likes you.
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I don’t think you should be the one to initiate negotiations for a higher allowance. That’s why the initial negotiation is so important—if you’re not satisfied with the terms, I don’t think the arrangement will continue.
Once you’ve built a good relationship, as Kazu mentioned, some men may give you gifts or extra money separately.
I can’t speak for every papa (male supporter), so I’m not sure how helpful this will be, but I’ve been told, “When you enjoy our dates so wholeheartedly and look so happy, it makes me want to give you more.”
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From now on, decide on your minimum amount in advance.
When the subject of the allowance comes up, ask:
“How much did you have in mind?”
If it’s acceptable: “That works for me.”
If not: “I’d need at least ___.”
If you don’t make your minimum clear from the beginning, it’s extremely difficult to raise the amount later.
If the current amount really isn’t acceptable to you, try negotiating for an increase—even if you have to be prepared to end the relationship.
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First, become your papa’s favorite.
Once he likes you, you could say something like:
“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about… I have no complaints about you, including financially, but given my situation, I’m thinking of finding one more papa to support me.”
A lot of them might be willing to pay more if you put it that way.
I once had someone tell me, “Another papa said he’d give me ¥〇〇 a month if I dated only him. I don’t know what to do!”—and I fell for it and started paying her ¥〇〇（笑）
We ended things pretty soon after, though…
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Everyone has their own opinion, so I don’t think asking a third party will necessarily be helpful.
That said, I’ll answer based on how I would feel in that situation.
I understand that it can be difficult to bring up, so I wouldn’t be particularly bothered if she said, “I was hoping to receive a little more.”
I would ask how much she had originally wanted, then consider whether I wanted to continue seeing her for that amount.
It’s not exactly the same as your situation, but I was once told, “Work has been getting busier, so I want to focus on just one papa. If you can raise my highest current allowance to ¥10,000 pay-per-meeting, I’ll only see you, Kazu.”
At the time, I was already seeing several other women successfully at ¥5,000 pay-per-meeting, and I couldn’t possibly consider her worth the equivalent of two dates with them. So I declined and ended things.
I think it would be difficult to increase the amount without negotiating.
In my case, I don’t increase the regular pay-per-meeting allowance even for women who treat me well.
Instead, if a woman needs money for some reason, I might give her a bonus separately from her usual allowance. Or, if there’s something she really wants but would normally hesitate to buy for herself, I might give it to her as a gift.
However, I only do this for women who have been seeing me for at least a year, return the allowance by saying things like, “You gave me a gift, so I can’t accept the allowance today,” or invite me out to eat without regard to the allowance.
In short, when dealing with a woman who fixates on the pay-per-meeting amount, I also fixate on the pay-per-meeting amount.
I think that’s simply how relationships work.
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If she says she’s struggling financially, I’ll increase it.
But I only raised the amount after we’d been seeing each other for a year.
If you don’t bring it up soon, he might settle on that amount permanently.
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