I have a papa (a male supporter) whom I’ve met about four times. We’ve also become involved in an adult relationship (intimate), but he has never called me by my name—not even once.
I like him, so I make a point of calling him by his name. What do you think is going through his mind? Does this mean he doesn’t really like me?
I feel awkward asking him directly, so I wanted to ask here.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Traumatized, lol.
I once called him by the name of a previous partner and apparently ended up saying it in my sleep, right next to his wife sleeping at home.
Since it’s a fake name anyway, isn’t it fine? Even if he doesn’t call me by my name.
Women don’t really call me by my name that often either.
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If you say it all the time, you might start saying it in your sleep, so he’s probably being cautious. Or maybe he just can’t remember because of his age.
Marika
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If I know her real name, I’ll call her by her first name, but I don’t feel inclined to do that if it’s just her club name.
It’s not that I particularly want to know her real name, but somehow I feel a bit more distant when she uses a club name.
When I only know her club name, I address her by her last name with “Miss” in public, and I don’t call her by any name at all when we’re in private.
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I’ve never called any of the women I see by their first names.
They’re all quite a bit younger than me, so I feel a little awkward about it.
As Kazu-san says, I think it also depends on the kind of distance you and your papa (male supporter) have between you.
You’ve only met four times, so your relationship is still just getting started.
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When I want someone to call me by name, I use this a lot:
“I think I’ll get pudding~♪”
“Himatan’s getting pudding~!”
For people who refer to themselves by their name! “Himawari” is a bit awkward to use and can sound cutesy, but with a more ordinary name, it feels natural (lol).
When it’s hard to say in person, try starting with LINE!
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I usually tell the person I’m seeing early on, “I’d like you to call me ___.”
From experience, once you settle on what to call each other, it’s not easy to change later, so I make sure to establish it from the beginning.
I’m particular about names, too. I think the way you address someone is pretty important because it reflects the nature of your relationship.
That’s why I always take part of my papa’s first name and call him “___-kun.” Even when there’s a big age gap, I use the affectionate “-kun,” like I would with a boyfriend. When it’s just the two of us, I’ve never once been told he dislikes it, haha.
I also ask him to call me with “-chan”!
If it’s only been about four meetings, it’s definitely not too late. I recommend telling him over LINE or something: “I’ve actually been thinking this for a while—would it be okay if I called you by your first name? I’d be happy if you called me ___ too ♡”
If you leave it in writing, he can look back at the messages later if he happens to forget, haha.
Good luck!
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You can’t really know what’s going on in someone else’s mind.
I rarely call my dating partners by name either. I do so after weighing the benefits against the downside of getting it wrong.
Another tricky question is how to address someone. Should you use the surname or given name from her club profile, or her real surname or given name? Should you add “-san” or use a more familiar form? It’s not easy.
Personally, I dislike using the overly familiar “-chan,” so I use “-san” when calling someone by name. But I’ve been told that “-san” feels too formal and distant.
I suspect the fact that you don’t feel comfortable asking your papa about this is precisely why he doesn’t call you by name.
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Are they just shy? Or are they still carefully feeling me out? Maybe they’re simply introverted, like me—that’s all.
If they didn’t like me, I don’t think they’d keep meeting me.
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