I’m seeing a papa (a male supporter) who has several PJs. It makes me feel down knowing that I’m clearly not his number one—and that I never will be.
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He’s not the type to treat everyone equally, and there are obvious differences in the dates he plans and the gifts he gives… I’m clearly just a backup for when his number-one girl isn’t available.
If I’m only going to feel depressed every time we meet, would it be better to end things? It’s really hurting my self-esteem. I guess it’s probably because I’m not attractive enough or just not his type, haha.
That sounds awful. How do you even know he’s treating you differently?
Is it because your papa (a male supporter) tells you? Like, does he actually say, “I have someone else who’s number one, and I give her better gifts”? What a strange papa.
If it’s taking a toll on you, you should end things. Most other papas have enough tact to make you feel like you’re their number one, even if you aren’t.
At least, most of them do.
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If they take you on dates and give you an allowance, isn’t that enough? Are you dating someone just to become their number one? That’s not even genuine feelings—it’s simply a matter of vanity, isn’t it?
Marika
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How can you tell that he isn’t the type to treat everyone equally?
If the man himself says that, he’s a terrible guy, so you’re better off ending things with him.
Even if he doesn’t treat everyone equally, I think a true gentleman should at least act as though he does.
Personally, I make a point of treating every woman equally.
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Since you’re currently seeing each other, she probably likes you to some extent, even if you’re not her number one.
Personally, when I decided to get into papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I never wanted to be someone’s top priority. I once told a man, “I don’t mind what number I am,” and he seemed to really like hearing that. Since I’m in an allowance-based relationship, I don’t particularly care what number I am. As long as I feel valued when we’re together, that’s enough for me.
But if that bothers you, you can always end things.
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If you end things with him, there’s no guarantee you’ll quickly find another man who makes you his number one. The loss of financial support while you search would be the main drawback.
I think you should stop expecting anything from your current papa, continue to gratefully accept the allowance, and keep looking for a man who will either make you his number one or focus exclusively on you.
Becoming someone’s number one or only one is quite difficult, after all. For both men and women, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to keep someone around as a temporary arrangement until you meet the right person.
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Is this man your number-one papa, or do you have other papas as well? If so, why not take advantage of this man too?
I don’t know how much allowance you receive from him, but even if it’s ¥30,000 once a month, you’d normally have to work hard for two or three days to earn that much, right?
So try thinking, “Well, at least I’m getting ¥30,000♪” It’s better to look at things positively like this.
Enjoy it and keep a positive attitude.
But if you look at everything overall and still feel that you can’t do it, say goodbye as soon as possible. It would be a waste for you to spend your precious time on a man like that. Please take care of yourself.
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There’s a classic Showa-era song by Aming called “Matsu wa” (“I’ll Wait”), so you might want to really take in the lyrics.
You won’t land anyone if you get discouraged that easily.
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I’m a female member, Potassium.
If you’ve already given up on it ever happening, I think it’s better to end things quickly so you don’t waste any more time.
I hear there are more male members than there used to be, so I don’t think you need to force yourself to keep going in a situation you can’t handle.
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) is entertainment, not a job. There’s no need to pursue something that makes you miserable.
Though, if you consider it a job, then I suppose you’ll just have to put up with it.
And if he didn’t like your looks, he wouldn’t have reached out in the first place, so you should have at least a little confidence!
Just my personal opinion.
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