I recently joined and, to be honest, I’m not very familiar with the going rates for allowances, so I feel a little awkward when someone asks me about them…

You’re a member here, right? You should look things up online before joining. Just ask Google—there’s plenty of information out there. Did you join without preparing first? You need to be careful. Preparation is important. If you leave it up to the papa (male supporter), you may be able to secure an ongoing arrangement, but depending on the circumstances, he might offer you less. So I think it would be best to decide on your own minimum acceptable amount in advance...

If you genuinely have no idea how much to ask for from the bottom of your heart, then in a sense, any amount is fine. In that case, I think Marika’s approach is a really good one. Letting the other person decide is a great option. However, you need to be comfortable with the possibility that the amount may be low. Of course, if it’s too low, you can simply decide not to see them again. But if you’d still be upset about that one meeting, I wouldn’t recommend this approach. That said, if you would get angry, it’s probably because you already have a set amount in mind—either what others receive or how much you want. If you don’t have a specific amount in mind, I think it’s fine to leave it up to the other person.

I don’t think it’s something you should decide based on the going rate. I ask for an allowance of 50,000 yen per pay-per-meeting arrangement, because that’s the amount I’m least likely to be turned down for. Taking your own appearance, background, and so on into account, I think you should decide on an amount by considering what allowance will make the man want to continue seeing you. Even if you receive a large allowance for a one-off meeting, it’s meaningless if it doesn’t lead to something ongoing.

① Start by agreeing to the allowance they offer when they say, “I’ll leave it up to you.” ② Once you find someone you meet regularly, try asking for a higher amount in your subsequent offers. ③ If they agree and the arrangement continues at that higher amount, ask for the same amount—or even more—in future offers. ④ Don’t try to negotiate an increase with someone who agreed to a lower amount. I think that’s probably the best approach. I’ve only ever done number ①. Marika

I think it’s something you decide through discussion with the other person. There may seem to be a going rate, but in reality, each member has their own standards—or personal sense of what the going rate is. If you genuinely don’t know what your own rate should be, I’d suggest asking what allowance the man is offering and then deciding whether you’re comfortable accepting it. That should help you figure out your own baseline.

Something like “I’ll leave it up to you,” or “I’m not really sure,” or “I can’t answer that” would probably be best. Actually, not giving an answer at all might be the best option. Even if it’s the same allowance, I’d be a little taken aback if the woman brought up the amount herself. I’d think, “So that’s your baseline...?” These days, since I’m already more than satisfied, I wouldn’t continue if a woman asked for six or seven. (In reality, they accept five and say they’d like to continue.) Even if you’re receiving dozens of offers for seven, ten, or more, there’s nothing wrong with choosing a man offering around five. When you think of papa-katsu as being about enjoying time with someone you genuinely like... How much weight you place on each factor is entirely up to you.

It’s usually an amount you arrive at after looking things up online and thinking, “This is probably about the going rate.” When you receive offers, the amounts people propose become your benchmark, for better or worse. If you get a lot of offers, you start to think the highest one is the “right” amount, so your expectations gradually rise. I think it also depends on how much importance the woman places on money. One woman told me over dinner that she felt we were compatible. But when we started discussing the terms, she said she had only met one other person and had an adult relationship (intimate) with him, and since he had offered 6, she wanted 6 as well. I’ll never forget how she avoided eye contact while saying she wanted 6, then glanced at me right after saying it. Another woman told me I was her third papa (a male supporter). When we started negotiating the terms, she said, “Just for reference,” and mentioned that the previous two had offered 4–5. When I said I’d be comfortable with 4 at that level, she replied, almost to herself, “Yeah, I guess that’s what it comes down to. But money isn’t my only motivation,” and agreed. With one more woman, we hit it off on our first date, and since she left the terms up to me, I offered 4. Apparently, she was then flooded with offers, and a few months later I heard she’d received 60. Most of them were offers of 7 or more. I thought she might negotiate and ask me to increase the allowance, but at one point she said something like, “No, never mind.” We continued chatting on LINE afterward, but we never met again. This is from a man’s perspective, but I’ve written the facts without exaggerating, so I hope it’s helpful. Honestly, if you’re getting a lot of offers, market forces come into play, so it’s probably best to negotiate based on the highest amount someone has offered. If not, I think leaving the terms up to you is the safest option. You can always cut things off later if the situation changes, once you’ve made the connection. Strategically speaking. Taro