The papa (a male supporter) apparently used to be involved in an affair, and no money was exchanged. He says they supported each other on a deeper, emotional level without any financial arrangement.
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Recently, he’s been hinting that he wants a relationship with me without any money involved. Right now, he gives me ¥50,000 per meeting, but at one point he asked, “How about ¥20,000 per meeting?”
He isn’t a bad person, and I’d like to continue seeing him, but is it okay to end things if there’s no allowance or if he reduces it?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
When you feel like quitting, that’s the right time to quit.
You really have some nerve calling an affair a deep emotional connection where you supported each other on a profound level.
Men like that are often the ones who will casually cut off their affair partner the moment something happens.
Try asking him, “If you had such a deep emotional connection and supported each other on such a profound level, why did you break up with your affair partner?”
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Let’s give that papa a relationship with an allowance, but also a genuine emotional connection. Let’s show him a whole new world he’s never seen before.
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A good relationship is one where both people want to treat each other even better than before.
Unless you’re so grateful to this man that you genuinely feel his allowance could be reduced and still want to show your appreciation, there’s no need to lower it.
Even in relationships between lovers or married couples—where no money is involved—as they spend more time together, people naturally want to treat each other better than before, whether by buying gifts, giving money, or even purchasing a car or a house for them.
If you don’t feel that you’re being cherished in that way, it would be wiser to move on sooner rather than later.
Also, if this man had truly supported you on a deep emotional level, he wouldn’t have broken up with his affair partner. That’s simply the kind of man he is. (If you have a relationship deeper than marriage, the connection doesn’t just end for life.)
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Truly bad people often don’t look bad at all. Please remember that. Some even genuinely believe, “I’m a good guy.”
Because their lack of self-awareness can come across as innocence, the people they inconvenience may even say, “They’re not a bad person, though.” But that’s an illusion. In reality, they’re often the most difficult kind to deal with.
The best option is to keep your distance. In a papa-katsu relationship, it’s essentially a business arrangement, so you can keep things transactional and deal with them accordingly.
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Yes. If he asks to reduce the allowance or says he won’t pay anything, you should absolutely cut him off.
Just because money is involved, does that mean you can’t have an emotional connection or support each other on a deeper level?
A relationship that falls apart simply because money enters the picture probably wasn’t emotionally connected to begin with—it was a shallow relationship, wasn’t it? You should think of financial support as something that allows you to build an even stronger, deeper bond.
Also, the way this man is hinting at an emotional connection and then asking to reduce the allowance is, frankly, despicable.
When a woman is approached like that, doesn’t saying, “I need the money,” make her feel as though she’ll be seen as money-minded? Doesn’t she start thinking, “This is supposed to be a serious relationship—am I being unreasonable?”
He’s making her feel guilty so he can take all the benefits for himself. That’s exactly what he’s doing.
You describe him as “not a bad person,” but honestly, you’d be right to consider him an absolutely terrible person.
In the end, he just wants to have sex cheaply.
Forget about a man like that.
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You’re perfectly justified in ending things with someone like that.
According to my papa, “The worst kind of relationship is one where no money changes hands—like an affair between coworkers.”
That’s because the whole point of an affair (roughly speaking, papa-katsu) is that while he can’t take responsibility by marrying her, he supports her financially instead.
Even if you eventually break up, having plenty of money left over can make you feel like “at least it wasn’t all for nothing.” But if you’re left with not even a single yen, there’s a risk that all you’ll be left with is resentment and negative feelings.
He also says, “A guy who spends an important period of a woman’s life with her without giving her any money is a pathetic excuse for a man.” Please tell your papa the same thing.
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