I started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) because I thought it would benefit me and be worthwhile financially.
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I’ve genuinely enjoyed meeting and spending time with many men, almost like it’s a hobby. The men who have continued to make offers have never turned me down.
But sometimes I feel incredibly empty. I want to put this emptiness into words so I can live more positively. Could you help me with that?
What do you think I’m feeling empty about? And how can I manage this kind of work more successfully?
Some men simply assume they can treat me however they want as long as they pay. But in reality, I often encounter situations that make me wonder, “What am I to them?”—for example, them taking advantage of the fact that I probably won’t resist, withholding my allowance, or having unprotected sex with me.
I wonder if it’s because I’m not overwhelmingly beautiful, but have a calm and gentle demeanor.
The other women here seem to have met some wonderful papa (male supporters), after all.
Please share anything you do to make sure you’re treated with care and respect.
It’s normal to feel empty, too.
If you believe that genuine love or marriage is what people truly need, then involving money can feel like something no one would really want to do. It’s important to recognize and understand that.
On the other hand, if you view the world of dating clubs as a place where both sides can get what they want, just as they want it, there may be no other world that gives you such a strong advantage over people you don’t know.
I think it’s best to decide where you place your own value and how you want to feel about yourself, then try not to let that waver too much.
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What I think is different about my situation from yours is that even if someone likes me and wants to continue seeing me, I won’t stay with them unless they’re someone I genuinely want to be involved with.
When I first started papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I saw several people as long as they weren’t unpleasant. But once I had saved enough money, the quality of the relationship became more important to me. As I gradually ended things with people, I was left only with those who truly valued me.
But you know, the person who can value you most is yourself. I believe that people who can’t value themselves can’t truly value others either, so I think that’s where you should start.
Don’t underestimate your own worth, and make an effort to value the other person as well. That’s what I recommend.
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You should be clear about what you don’t want and say no to anything that makes you uncomfortable.
If you’re receiving offers from several people, there’s no problem with parting ways with a man over it.
By filtering them out this way, I think only the good ones will remain.
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Be clear about what you want, what you can tolerate for money, and have the courage to firmly refuse anything you don’t want to do, anything that isn’t worth it financially, or anything you can’t bring yourself to tolerate even for the money.
Money isn’t my top priority, so I only do what I want and meet only the people I want to see. It’s stress-free and enjoyable.
—Matsurika
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I’m Potassium, a female member.
As Adventure Merchant said, I also think the problem lies in being willing to spend time with just anyone.
The moments when I feel empty are when I’m spending time on something that consumes too much of me while giving me very little in return.
For example, when I’m working and suddenly think, “I’m just repeating the same thing every day. What am I even doing?” Or when a man I have no interest in talks at length to me…
I think there’s a difference between prioritizing money and prioritizing emotional fulfillment, but people who can enjoy papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) may be those who can accurately choose situations where spending time with a man gives them greater productivity than it consumes.
(For example, if money is the priority, it might depend on the allowance amount. I imagine someone who reaches their target amount, sets a new goal, and keeps moving forward.
If emotional fulfillment is the priority, it means spending time together in a way where you influence each other, and the time produces more for your mind and body than it consumes.)
> The other women here have all found wonderful papas, after all.
Looking at the other answers, I get the impression that most people have at least one relationship where emotional fulfillment is the priority.
I think each of them has chosen a man who is highly productive for them emotionally—someone they like or even consider their favorite.
Of course, those papas are wonderful in their own right, but I also think it’s possible because these women have the strength to influence each other and build a relationship where they can create something together.
With my current papa, I’m aiming for that kind of relationship. We argue sometimes, and we also have discussions and exchange opinions on all kinds of subjects.
So, what I’m trying to say is that while some people may simply get lucky and find a good papa, there may also be cases where, through various twists and turns in the choices they make, they influence each other and turn him into “a good papa for them.”
I believe the strength needed to build that kind of relationship is the confidence to say no and to clearly express when something makes you uncomfortable.
If you simply let your feelings and body be swept along, you can’t create a relationship that is productive for you. You won’t be able to influence the other person either, and you’ll only end up feeling empty because you’re merely being consumed.
Why not start by finding the courage to say no and showing your individuality, then trying to build a productive relationship where you can influence each other and create something together?
Well, that’s just my personal theory.
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I feel like the real issue behind the questioner’s struggles can be seen in the phrase, “Those who receive offers without ever being turned down by a man continue [their arrangements].”
It feels empty because you’ve lost sight of the question, “What do I want?” You feel empty because you don’t clearly say NO! to the terrible men you describe in your question.
Blaming it on your calm, gentle demeanor is just being too generous in your self-assessment. The truth is, they’re taking you for granted. I think the emptiness comes from refusing to face that fact.
I once felt empty in a relationship, too.
She canceled at the last minute with a hangover on a day that was important to both of us. Even though I was giving her a substantial monthly allowance, she only made time to see me once a month. Whenever differences in our views or values came up and we tried to talk them through, she always took the attitude of, “If you don’t like it, we can just break up,” leaving me to give in completely every time....
I felt truly empty when I continued seeing someone like that, telling myself, “I’m the only one she has, so I have to support her,” and “I have to protect her.”
I was deeply in love with her, so telling her we were over was heartbreaking—but I’m glad I ended it.
Here’s what I learned from my own experience about how to be treated with care and respect:
【Cut out, completely, anyone who doesn’t value and treat you with care.】
No matter how much you like someone, how much you want to cherish them, or how much you hope they’ll eventually change if you treat them sincerely, people’s core nature doesn’t change. In the end, they’ll betray you.
You need to develop the ability to see who they really are.
Please find the courage to cut off those who don’t value you, so that you can meet people who truly will.
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Since you’re surviving the terrifying world of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), where all kinds of strange characters roam, it’s only natural to feel scared sometimes.
If you didn’t feel anything, you’d be a cyborg.
You’re a person with your own thoughts and feelings, so of course it feels awful to be treated like an object. I think your feelings are completely natural.
I believe you should quickly distance yourself from anyone who made you uncomfortable and focus on finding a papa (a male supporter) you genuinely click with.
Let the good memories gradually erase the bad ones. I feel like that’s how I’ve grown thicker-skinned too.
Please don’t push yourself, and always put your physical and emotional well-being first.
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I’m not sure what got you started, but in the end, I think what you’re doing has turned into sex work.
I’ve never heard the term “vagina investment” before. “Investment” is something you do to grow your money, right? So does that mean that if your vagina investment succeeds, you’ll end up with more vaginas? Is that what you’re aiming for? Or, if you mean making trouble-free use of your vagina for your daily work, I feel like “vagina service” would be more appropriate. If you shouted, “The Bartholin Line is operating normally again today, with no delays. Penis departing!” somehow, I feel like everything would fall neatly into place.
Getting back to the point, I think that although you describe it as being like a hobby, you kept providing sex-work services without ever saying no, and as a result, your mind broke down and you developed a case of “I-don’t-wanna syndrome.” Asking someone to help you put it into words only means you don’t know the terminology—if you search for “I-don’t-wanna syndrome,” you’ll find countless articles. Apparently, it’s pretty common among women who enter the sex industry.
If you want to live positively, you should stop providing sex-work services. A dating club isn’t that kind of place. If you don’t like something, you should refuse. Your vagina may be important, but your humanity comes first. If I had offered to see you, I don’t think I would have continued. People who never say no seem unnatural and impossible to read. The people I maintain long-term arrangements with have a strong sense of self and are, in a way, selfish—but they’re also genuinely interested in me. That can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings, but when our fingertips meet as we reach out through the fog, I hold on and never let go.
Since you’ve achieved results through sex-work-style vagina investment, I think it’s fair to call the first stage a success. For the second stage, let’s try something a little more advanced: competing through your own personality and character. Say no to things you dislike. And when you like someone, let the vagina service begin—penis departing! Give it your best shot.
Taro
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The best thing you can do is avoid disappointing men who think, “As long as I pay…” or “She probably won’t resist…” and actually act on those thoughts.
That isn’t papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—it’s exploitation. That’s probably why it leaves you feeling empty.
If you want to be treated with care and respect, start by treating yourself that way, and make sure your partner sees that and understands it.
When you’re tired, it’s best to take a break! It’s the holiday season, after all, so take it easy and enjoy some downtime.
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You get tired and feel empty because you’re trying to put into words things that can’t be put into words, attempting the impossible.
Leave the “vagina management” to your vagina. Don’t think—feel.
This may sound blunt, but my true self is my penis. My brain is just an accessory.
I’ve let my penis guide me while working and making money. You should try thinking with your uterus, too. In other words, don’t do anything your uterus doesn’t like.
You should only date men who treat your uterus with care. I only deal with women who treat my penis with care.
P.S.
The advantage of thinking with your uterus or penis is that, since they don’t come with brains attached, they don’t get mentally worn down.
People with supposedly steel-trap mentalities generally aren’t thinking with their brains. They’re thinking with some other part of themselves.
When you’re making money through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), you might get depressed over the gap between that and how little you earn at your daytime job or part-time work. The more you make, the lower your self-esteem can get.
Avoid putting unpleasant experiences into words. It’s important to run from those memories—and keep running. You may want to cast a bad papa (a male supporter) as the villain and portray yourself as some kind of tragic heroine, but at the end of the day, it was papa-katsu, and you chose it yourself. There’s no way out that way; you’ll only make the trauma more complicated and deepen it.
Let me put one obvious thing into words that you’ve forgotten: gratitude. Gratitude toward every papa you’ve met.
Your sense of emptiness comes from forgetting that basic feeling of gratitude.
Every good person has bad sides, and every bad person has good sides. Make a conscious effort to remember only the good qualities in other people. That should leave you feeling fulfilled.
The other respondents are saying, “Keep only the good papas,” but that’s not it. You should consciously rewrite your memories so that every papa you met was a good papa.
At the same time, when it comes to future relationships, don’t let your head decide—let your uterus or vagina make the call. That way, you’ll be able to manage your vagina properly.
As for me, I operate using my penis, so I guess that makes me a penis train. Actually, I just wanted to tease Tarō a little at the end, lol.
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