I’d like to ask about the etiquette of ending things gracefully through a dating club.

I’m Saito, a column writer♪ I found the questioner’s perspective very insightful. I used to be the type to simply say, “Thank you very much,” too. But little by little, the atmosphere among people involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) seems to have changed, and I feel like there are more so-called “persistent people” now: “Why?” “If that’s the reason, I’ll fix it.” “Please meet me again anyway.” There’s no sense of dignity left at all. It became extremely frightening. So I had no choice but to deal with it by blocking them and cutting off contact. When both people respect each other, can speak openly about anything, and interact with humility, it’s possible to have a wonderful relationship and part ways gracefully. But manners only work when the other person has manners, too. This is a bit personal, but recently, two women I had been seeing for five years got married to ordinary men. lol (We could have continued if we wanted to, but we decided to make a clean break and bring things to a proper close.) “Let’s meet again someday.” “We probably will.” That was the smiling exchange we shared when we parted. Of course, I don’t think we’ll actually meet again.

This is Mac, the columnist. The philosophy of parting, you mean? Since it’s a philosophy, I suppose it’s about how beautifully you can say goodbye. Hmm… I’m sorry, but whether in my private life or through club activities, I’ve never had an experience where we parted beautifully. As for the right mindset, perhaps it’s best to go on each date and give her the allowance while keeping in mind that you may never see this person again after today—that this could be your final farewell in this life. If you keep repeating that to yourself as you go on dates—“one meeting, one opportunity,” and that it’s only natural that you may never meet again—then even if they suddenly stop responding one day, it probably won’t hurt as much. The key is not to take it for granted that you’ll meet again. It’s kind of like the samurai mindset of dying in the morning and dying again at dusk. (笑) In the end, a philosophy isn’t about outward form; it exists in a person’s heart. Forms and etiquette are merely tools that make it easier to cultivate that mindset, I think.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. I thought, “That’s a great question!” So I told my branch that I’d like to answer it, and they kindly made that possible. I get the feeling that you, the person who asked this question, may be enjoying a fulfilling relationship. Actually, I’m also the kind of person who hopes things can end that way when it’s time to part. I feel that, for that to happen, it’s probably important for both people to be on the same page. Whether it’s a transactional relationship or something serious, I believe that checking in with each other about the terms of the breakup, expressing genuine gratitude with a “thank you,” and openly sharing our thoughts during the relationship can help ensure that, when it ends, we can still say “thank you” instead of simply losing touch. That’s how I try to approach my relationships. (I only joined recently, so I haven’t actually had to say goodbye to anyone yet—sorry.) I think the way you end a relationship reflects the way you conduct it. And even if you can’t bring yourself to say “thank you,” it’s important to remember: don’t chase someone who’s chosen to leave. I wonder if it’ll all end with an email—or maybe I’ll just get blocked（笑） In any case, I believe that when someone who feels this way puts it into practice, it can become the spark that changes the usual pattern of a relationship naturally fading away through silence.

Maezawa here. The etiquette of parting… That’s a difficult one. What feels ideal varies from person to person. In some cases, after talking about ending things, they may go to a hotel one last time and say, “This is really goodbye.” But even if it doesn’t go that far, I think it’s better to exchange a few words in person and part ways properly. That said, the person who decides to end things often feels there’s no point in meeting anymore, so sometimes they may end things through messages alone. And of course, there are also cases where contact simply stops. Once one person has lost interest, perhaps a proper farewell is difficult. > Is disappearing without a word and letting things end naturally really the best and most sensible way to say goodbye? I don’t think so. I just happen to hear more stories about women suddenly becoming unreachable, so it seems that women may be more likely to cut off contact. Still, I’m sure there are people who do end things properly.