He tells me he sees me as his girlfriend, not his mistress, and gives me a ¥10,000 monthly allowance. I’m dating a married man in his 50s…
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He supports me in other ways too, like buying me gifts and even an air conditioner. He treats me well, doesn’t pressure me into anything I dislike, and makes me feel valued. But am I just a woman of convenience to him?
The moment a married man says he sees you as his girlfriend rather than his mistress, you’re essentially “a woman of convenience.”
That said, unless you want to marry him, I don’t see any problem with being a woman of convenience if you feel that he genuinely values and treats you well…
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It really comes down to whether he’s a man who works well for you.
If you feel good about the arrangement and are satisfied with it, then I don’t see a problem. I don’t think it’s about whether the amount is high or low.
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A partner who gives you an allowance on a pay-per-meeting basis is also someone who’s convenient for you, and I don’t see anything wrong with being a convenient woman.
No matter what kind of relationship it is, you wouldn’t be involved with someone who wasn’t convenient for you.
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Hmm… I feel a little uncomfortable with the expression “a woman who’s convenient.” To me, that phrase implies something deeper, with romantic feelings involved. I’m thinking of the image portrayed in Creepy Nuts’ song “Front 9.”
You’re not genuinely in love with that papa, are you? If not, then you’re not “a woman who’s convenient.”
You’re “a woman paid in goods.”
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If the monthly total for gifts and things like air-conditioning costs is under ¥140,000, you’re just a convenient woman.
The more you become his girlfriend, the more money you’ll receive.
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I think it’s best to avoid anyone who uses “I see you as my girlfriend/partner” as an excuse to reduce your financial support.
Apparently, some men say things like, “I feel psychologically uncomfortable giving you money because I genuinely see you as my girlfriend...” To which I’d simply like to say, “Are you stupid?” lol
A financially comfortable man providing financial support to a woman he cares about...
In that sense, there’s no real difference between:
- giving his stay-at-home wife money for living expenses every month after marriage, and
- meeting someone through a dating club and giving her money on a pay-per-meeting or monthly arrangement.
What the man you’re seeing is saying is basically the same as telling his stay-at-home wife:
“I truly love you, so I’ll buy you gifts and appliances, but I’m only giving you 10,000 yen a month for living expenses. If I gave you a large amount of money, it would make you seem like a mistress!”
By the way, the fact that you’re asking here, “Am I just someone convenient for him?”—doesn’t that mean you already know the answer yourself?
Would you like me, as an outsider, to say it plainly?
Yes. He sees you as someone convenient, and he does not truly value you.
What you do from here is up to you, once you’ve accepted that.
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I’m the same way with my favorite papa (a male supporter). I don’t even receive a monthly allowance.
Marika
P.S.
As Adventure Merchant said, people who use that as an excuse to see you for free are no good. My favorite papa often has to be away for long periods, such as on overseas business trips, so during those times he gives me something to make up for the loneliness—and for keeping myself occupied while he’s away. He also gives me gifts and things, so I probably receive the equivalent of about ¥50,000 per meeting.
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What matters is what kind of relationship it is and whether you’re personally comfortable with it.
Relationships between men and women can take many forms.
If you’re receiving solid support—even things like household appliances—and getting some spending money, isn’t that enough? It doesn’t seem like papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) necessarily has to be clearly defined anyway…
You may want to mock or look down on papa-katsu women who can’t feel satisfied without receiving an allowance, and that’s your choice. But in your case, it might be better not to cross that line.
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