My periods are really heavy, and the stomach pain is unbearable. I got my period today, and I’m supposed to meet someone for tea tomorrow. It’ll be our first time meeting, although we had plans to meet once before—but I came down with a fever and had to cancel.
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If I cancel again tomorrow, it’ll basically be my second last-minute cancellation. What should I do?૮( ̳ т ̫ т ̳ )ა
Female member, Potassium.
As the other responders have said, I don’t think this will end well.
That said, putting too much strain on your body isn’t good either, so I think it’s important to carefully consider which matters more.
Personally, if your period pain is really that severe, I think it would be better to get examined by a gynecologist and have medication prescribed that suits you, including birth control pills, rather than simply enduring it.
I once fainted because my period pain was so severe. When I saw a gynecologist, they explained potential future risks and prescribed medication, which made my period pain much more manageable.
So before doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I think it would be more efficient to get yourself into good physical condition first, so your schedule goes smoothly.
That’s just my personal opinion.
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If you cancel again tomorrow, it won’t just be “like” a second last-minute cancellation—it will be the second last-minute cancellation itself.
That said, I assume you have a legitimate reason, so I think it would be best to explain it honestly.
Normally, if someone gets stood up at the last minute twice in a row, they’ll probably assume it wasn’t meant to be and end things there.
If you don’t want that to happen but still can’t force yourself to go out for coffee, I’m afraid I can’t think of any other option.
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Two cancellations would definitely be a dealbreaker.
Some people would end things after just one cancellation, so I was honestly surprised he waited as long as he did…
For period cramps, getting into the old-fashioned floor-scrubbing position can help ease the pain. I used to do it secretly at work when I was working at a hospital because my cramps were so bad. Give it a try.
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I believe health issues can involve a kind of hardship that only the person experiencing them can truly understand. However, I also think it’s important to consider the feelings and schedule of the person who set aside time for the appointment.
If it were me, I would probably take a painkiller and go. But I’m not recommending that. Until I know what someone is really like, I value building trust.
Of course, it’s important to take care of yourself, but I don’t think caring about the other person is something that applies only to this kind of arrangement.
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This time, I think it’s unavoidable, so you should probably explain the situation.
That said, if someone canceled on me at the last minute twice, I’d probably offer the date to someone else...
If your periods are particularly difficult or irregular, try scheduling dates for a time when you can reasonably expect not to be on your period.
For example, if your period usually starts around the first week of the month, discuss scheduling the date around the third week, and so on.
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The person I’d like to hear from is a woman, but I’ll answer anyway.
If he’s a really pleasant man, tell him, “I’d absolutely love to see you a third time—please, please!” and send him plenty of dates when you’re available.
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At first, it’s all, “Wow,” “Whoa,” “Amazing,” or “Can you believe this?”
Even when everything goes incredibly smoothly, what matters is whether it continues afterward.
So if things get off to a bad start…
That said, even an absolutely terrible first impression can sometimes become a memorable story—and the arrangement can still continue without any problems.
One woman threw up in the passenger seat on the first date, then threw up again after going into a convenience store to get a bag…
Sometimes someone is delayed for hours because of some kind of trouble… (Even so, I’m genuinely happy when they actually show up.)
Sometimes, simply being honest about what happened can lead to a good outcome.
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From their perspective, rescheduling twice in a row could very reasonably be grounds for ending things immediately.
If you don’t want to cut ties with this person, go to the meeting place tomorrow, even if it’s difficult.
Explain the situation there, make plans for another day, and then say goodbye.
Going forward, since you’ll know there’s a chance your period could coincide with a date, it would be best to let them know in advance.
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I think the only thing you can do is explain the situation honestly to the other person.
They may become suspicious, but these things come down to timing and compatibility. If they take it the wrong way and offer to meet someone else, you’ll just have to accept that. If they can’t trust you even after you explain, then they probably wouldn’t understand you in similar situations later on either.
The other person may also wonder whether they can continue seeing someone whose health suddenly gets worse so often. Timing and chance encounters are part of the whole experience, so if they’re willing to wait and meet you another time, I feel you may be able to build a good relationship.
As for what to do: tell the staff exactly what happened. Or, if it’s a letter date, explain it directly to the other person and suggest another day. The only other option is to force yourself to go.
Those really are the only two choices. I understand that having a particularly difficult period—especially on the second day—can be painful, so I don’t think you should push yourself.
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If I were stood up at the last minute twice, I’d start wondering, “Are they really sick or dealing with a particularly bad period? Maybe they’re just pretending because they don’t want to meet.”
I’d also think, “If they really are sick or on their period, the timing is just terrible. I guess this person and I simply weren’t meant to meet.”
In the end, I’d let it go without meeting them.
What should you do? Just tell them exactly how you feel.
After that, it’s up to the other man whether he wants to reschedule and meet. I don’t think there’s anything more you can do.
If it ends without you ever meeting, accept that you simply weren’t meant to be connected.
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I think you should just tell him exactly that.
He’ll probably understand that it can’t be helped.
And if that ends the relationship, then it simply wasn’t meant to be.
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