You can’t know what the man is thinking unless he tells you, so I think it’s best to look at the situation from your own perspective.
Since you’re doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it’s natural that you’re hoping for some financial support.
Do you feel that the support you’re receiving for dinner-only dates is enough for you? I give my favorite women the amount I would normally give for an adult relationship (intimate), whether or not we actually have one, but generally, the amount is lower when it’s dinner only.
If you feel the support isn’t enough, I think it’s fine for you to invite him to take things further. Of course, rather than saying, “The support isn’t enough,” try saying something like, “I like you and I’d like us to become closer.”
If the support is enough—or if he gives you a generous amount even for dinner-only dates—then I think it’s best to invite him only when you genuinely feel that you want to have an adult relationship (intimate) with him.
Men who want to become intimate with women of dating type A apparently go on several dates like that, waiting for the woman to say something like, “I’d be okay with that kind of relationship.”
That may be expected when dealing with a dating type A woman, but I get the impression that some men may also wait for a dating type B woman to bring it up first.
If you only enter that kind of relationship after the woman has decided she’s comfortable with it, then even with money involved, you may be able to enjoy dates that feel close to those between romantic partners.
There are all kinds of men, so you might want to consider your own approach—whether to tell him how you feel directly or wait for him to say something first.
That said, men apparently tend to assume it isn’t going to happen and give up if the woman hasn’t brought up the subject after six months or a year—in other words, they stop meeting her. You may want to keep that in mind as well.
Since your current arrangement has lasted a full year and you’re happy with the allowance, it’s probably best to keep things as they are until your papa (a male supporter) brings it up.
You must have enough appeal for him to want to keep seeing you, even for dinner only (no intimacy).
It’s probably fine to leave things as they are.
Even among Type B arrangements, some men and women want an adult relationship every time once things have progressed that way (more like Type C), while others don’t. And, like you two, some are perfectly happy with dinner only, without an adult relationship, for over a year.
The man you’re seeing seems closer to the latter type, and it’s possible he already has enough partners for adult relationships.
If he’s a Type B who isn’t more C-oriented, and he already has enough partners for adult relationships, he may not feel the need to bring it up himself. So I think it would be worth asking him once.
I think the woman should be the one to bring it up.
With a Type B arrangement, unless she’s explicitly not open to it, I generally assume things will become an adult relationship by the second or third meeting. Sometimes there are women who say they want to “take things slowly” or “wait until they meet the right person.” I can understand where they’re coming from, but it makes things extremely confusing from a practical standpoint. Honestly, I wish people like that would just say they’re Type A.
Normally, you show interest, hold hands, have some gentle physical contact, kiss, put your hands under each other’s clothes, and eventually say, “We can’t exactly do this here, so should we go somewhere else?” But at the end of the day, this is still a relationship involving money. So when are you supposed to discuss the money? And how much is the allowance for just kissing or touching? When you really think about it, the whole thing gets complicated. Maybe the man is supposed to keep score—dinner is a 1, but since we kissed today, it’s a 2; since I put my hand inside her underwear, it’s a 3—but that seems ridiculous too.
For about the first three months after meeting someone, I’ll try to feel things out. But if it becomes obvious that the woman isn’t interested and she doesn’t even leave room for things to develop, I start giving up. I end up with two choices: think, “So this is just dinner, then,” and continue if dinner only is fine with me; or decide that intimacy is the whole point and stop contacting her. If you’ve been seeing each other for nearly a year, I think the first option has probably already been established.
If, after nearly a year, she suddenly says, “I think I’d be comfortable having an adult relationship, so I’d like to discuss the allowance,” the man is going to think, “Wait, really?” “Why now?” “Didn’t you say no before?” So I think she should explain more carefully how her feelings changed over the past year. That way, he can understand and emotionally catch up. Then the relationship might continue for a long time even after becoming an adult relationship. Without that kind of thoughtful explanation, I’ll probably enjoy the opportunity since it’s there, but I suspect that will be the end of it.
Maybe you think men are simply happy to have dinner with a young woman, and even happier if they can be intimate with her. But that’s not really how it is. There needs to be a genuine relationship between two people; otherwise, it’s basically just an individual providing an escort service. If that’s not what you want, then the relationship itself matters—and I don’t think that can be understood unless you put it into words.
Taro
