The other day, I met a man for the first time, and when things turned intimate, he tried to enter me without putting on a condom, without saying anything. When I asked, “Aren’t you going to use one?” he said things like, “I had the mumps, so it’s fine,” and “I won’t finish inside you anyway.”
(I just searched online and learned for the first time that mumps can potentially cause infertility.)
In the end, he lost his erection that day, so nothing happened. But do male members generally assume they’ll be able to have sex without a condom? Should women tell them beforehand that they want one, or should I simply end things because a man like that is dishonest?
I know the answer is ultimately “do whatever you want,” but I don’t have anyone else to ask, so I wanted to post here. I’d appreciate any advice.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
A man who asks to have sex without protection once will probably ask again another time.
He’s infected with the “I want to have unprotected sex” disease.
If you can always skillfully dodge that request, then you can keep seeing him.
Also, as Mac mentioned in his answer, he’s more likely to contract an STI.
I’m totally fine with a woman seeing other men, but I won’t continue seeing someone who agrees to unprotected sex.
The moment she tells me, “Unprotected is fine with me,” I say goodbye.
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He’s beyond creepy… Given how utterly tactless he is, he might even be demanding unprotected sex at brothels or other sex-service establishments.
He also seems like the type to visit soaplands. There’s a chance he could have an STI, so for your own health, breaking up with him is the only option.
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If he tries to pressure you into it, it’s perfectly fine to end things right then and there.
At a club, using protection is a given, so normally I don’t think women need to ask about it. If a woman brings it up, it can leave a pretty bad impression (not a single woman I’ve met so far has ever asked), so it’s probably best to get a sense of whether he’s someone you won’t have to worry about before moving forward.
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As Mac and It’s Me said, when you consider the risk of infections, condoms are a must. If he won’t agree, it’s time to say goodbye.
He’s probably asking other women to go without one too, and some of them may be willing to let it slide.
Usually, “I can’t stay hard with a condom” is just an excuse. That’s not your problem.
Marika
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Should the woman bring up wanting him to use a condom before anything happens?
Most male and female members assume condoms are a given, so in many cases, you shouldn’t have to say anything. But some people don’t see it that way, so if that happens, it’s important to be clear:
“Condoms are non-negotiable for me.”
“Because I won’t finish inside” or “I have the mumps” are not valid reasons to skip protection.
Rather than arguing over that, I think it’s best to respond:
“Condoms are absolutely required—not just for contraception, but also to prevent STIs.”
A man who treats unprotected sex as normal with someone he’s meeting for the first time, before there’s any trust between you, is at extremely high risk for STIs. More than being dishonest, he’s simply ignorant.
Just end things cleanly. That’s your only option.
—It’s Me
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Whether it’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or meeting someone privately, the reason I wouldn’t continue seeing a man like that is that he’s probably doing the same thing with other women, which means there’s a higher risk of catching an STI from him.
And if he knows that but still tries to have sex without a condom, that shows he’s selfish and self-centered—he prioritizes his own desires and disregards the woman’s risk.
For those two reasons, I wouldn’t continue the relationship.
P.S.
I’m sure some people think that men who date multiple women have a higher risk of STIs. But which do you think carries the greater risk: a man who dates multiple women but always uses condoms, or a man who says, “You’re the only person I’m seeing, so it’s okay to do it without one, right?”
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