I’m currently seeing three women, and I’ve told each of them that I’m also seeing other women. Have you all been upfront about that with the women you’re seeing?
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Each of them has told me that they don’t intend to keep seeing multiple men and are planning to leave the club. One of them has already done so.
As long as I’m involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I’m under no illusion that I’m some kind of saint. But I don’t expect to be able to support them forever, so I feel they should keep other options open—and I’ve told them that as well.
Of course, I’m happy when one of them chooses to focus solely on me, but I also can’t deny that it somehow makes me feel guilty.
I don’t think being completely honest is always the right answer, and if everyone can manage things smoothly without finding out about each other, there’s nothing wrong with that. Still, I can’t shake this feeling of unease.
Sorry for the long post, but here’s my question:
How should I respond when a woman says she’s leaving the club? Should I try to persuade her to stay, or be happy for her?
I’ve only been a member for four months. I intended to keep things more casual and detached, but things have unexpectedly become much more involved, and I’m a little overwhelmed. I’d appreciate your honest opinions.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Universe male member
I talk about it openly.
I want to be honest and upfront with the women I see, so I make sure to explain my style before things develop into a relationship.
Of the three women I’m seeing, one is only seeing me.
But she’s comfortable with the fact that I’m seeing multiple people, so I don’t feel guilty about it at all.
Some women simply aren’t able to have adult relationships with multiple partners at the same time.
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I’m genuinely in love with my favorite papa, and the other papas are also somewhat romantically invested, so I haven’t told them I’m seeing multiple people.
There’s just one person I’ve told. When there was a rush of offers, we couldn’t coordinate our schedules, so I took a temporary break. When I resumed, he was the first person I met, and he told me, “It’s fine if you’re seeing other people, so please keep seeing me.” I’m not romantically invested in him, but we’ve continued seeing each other in a relaxed, straightforward way.
Being in an adult relationship with him takes a lot of effort—I really have to go the extra mile—so when I told him that, he increased my allowance a little (lol).
As for anyone who says they’re quitting, I think it’s fine to just say, “Oh, okay.”
Marika
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> She told me she wasn’t planning to date multiple people and would be leaving the service (one of them has already left).
> Honestly, I don’t think telling the truth is always the right thing to do.
You’ve already answered your own question.
From the woman’s perspective, being honest isn’t always the right thing either, is it?
> It’s better to keep other options open. That’s what I’ve told her.
> Personally, of course, I’m happy that she’s choosing to focus solely on me.
Isn’t that contradictory?
In this context, shouldn’t you actually be saying you’re “not happy” about it?
> Should I try to stop her? Or should I be happy for her?
I think both would be completely unwarranted.
Personally, I think all that matters is being able to forget about everything else while you’re on a date, focus on and cherish the woman in front of you, and spend valuable time together.
Whether you keep things casual or develop a deeper relationship comes down to personal values. Since men can make offers, find someone whose values are compatible with yours.
I wondered whether you might be unconsciously imposing your own values on the woman, so I decided to challenge some of what you said.
It’s me.
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I’d probably say something like, “You quit? I’m so happy!” and play along with their little make-believe game.
Maybe they’ve never had the experience of nearly losing consciousness after hours of endless pretend play with their daughter. Women are good at playing make-believe from an early age.
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Wouldn’t it be best to keep in the back of your mind that not every woman tells the complete truth, while still treating her sincerely as a papa (a male supporter) at a dating club?
It would be pretty painful if you got carried away because your partner said she would focus exclusively on you or quit right away...
Akari
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> Do you each tell the women you’re seeing that you’re also dating other women?
I do.
> How should you respond when a woman says she’s leaving the club? (Try to stop her? Be happy for her?)
I try to understand her true intentions by asking carefully why she’s leaving.
I think the important thing is not to jump to conclusions, such as “Leaving the club means she’s chosen me exclusively, so she must have feelings for me.” For example, she may want to focus on just one person to avoid being recognized, and that person might not necessarily be me—it could have been someone else.
Generally speaking, when women leave a club, I think they often keep several papas around, and the relationships gradually fade out. If I were a woman, I wouldn’t continue seeing only one papa. That papa could suddenly die from COVID, for all you know.
Perhaps they tell a papa they truly trust that they’re seeing multiple people, while telling the second- or third-choice papas, “I’m only seeing you.” Sorry if this sounds snide, as usual. I’ve just shared my unfiltered thoughts.
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I wasn’t specifically asked, “I want to leave the club,” but I think I would say, “Wouldn’t it be better if you found someone who’s a good match?”
I’ve always been content with having just one partner, so when we started seeing each other, I told her, “If things go well, I’d like us to continue for quite a while.”
She’s also quite young, and at first she accepted offers from several people, but before I knew it, she had left the club.
Some time later, she asked me whether she should register again. I told her, “That’s entirely up to you.” But in the end, she decided not to re-register.
Since there’s quite a large age gap between us, I thought she might eventually tell me she wanted to end things. But she never did, and somehow, we’ve continued seeing each other for almost five years now.
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If she told you that you don’t need to focus on just one person, I don’t think you need to worry about it too much.
She probably didn’t leave the site just because of you. My guess is that she found several stable monthly supporters—maybe three to five—and then decided to leave. I imagine she gave the same reason for leaving to her other papas too, haha.
She can always come back if the number of papas she has decreases, so it doesn’t seem like something you need to worry about.
When I start seeing someone, I tell them that I support them continuing to see other papas or boyfriends.
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I think it’s best to just brush it off with a casual “Oh, I see.”
Even if you break up, you can always re-register and look for someone new, so leaving the dating club doesn’t mean you’re out of options.
I do talk about the other women I’m seeing. I think one interesting thing about meeting through a dating club is that you can be surprisingly open and candid about things.
So I’ve told my partners about having threesomes and outdoor sex, and they’ve told me about sleeping with a friends-with-benefits partner who has an exceptionally large penis.
Recently, I even asked her to make a sex tape with that exceptionally well-endowed FWB and show it to me.
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