I know breakups are a part of any relationship, but when do you feel it’s time to say goodbye to a partner you’ve grown close to here?
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He’s a genuinely good person, serious about his work, and someone I respect for having clear goals. However, he isn’t really my type physically. I’m fine with seeing him occasionally, but he seems to want to go on a date about once a week. If I can’t meet his expectations, would it be better for us to part ways?
I know this is my own issue, but I’m wondering whether continuing would only inconvenience him. Have any of you had a similar experience?
> When do you feel it’s time to end things with a partner you’ve become close to here?
I haven’t personally had to say goodbye to anyone I’ve dated yet, but I imagine it would be when the woman I’m seeing tells me she wants to end things.
> I’m worried that continuing might cause trouble for her, so maybe it would be better to end things.
I completely understand how you feel.
In my case, ever since we started seeing each other, we’ve agreed to meet exactly twice a month, and we’ve kept it that way. It probably depends on the person, but she seems to like it surprisingly well. There’s no particular good or bad to it—we just continue along comfortably.
I think men often want to meet more frequently, but don’t push yourself. Just see each other as often as you’re able to.
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I haven’t had a similar experience myself, but…
Couldn’t you simply say, “I can’t make time for that,” and meet once a month instead? If you really don’t want to continue, you could just say, “Thank you for everything up to now,” and end things.
If you only feel that meeting once a week is a bit much, why not meet occasionally instead? Even if the other person only sees you and insists on meeting once a week, you have a life outside of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I think you can come up with any number of reasons.
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Yes, I have.
I once ended things because I couldn’t meet the woman’s wishes.
She insisted that our dates be in private rooms, but I couldn’t accommodate that.
I didn’t want to hurt her when turning her down, so after thinking long and hard about how to say it, this is what I came up with:
“Actually, I’ve somehow managed to put up with it until now, but due to certain circumstances, I’m unable to enter private rooms. I’m afraid of them. I really wanted to continue seeing you, so I’m very sorry, but because of these circumstances, I have no choice but to end our arrangement. I’m sorry.”
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Since this is an allowance-based relationship, I think it’s time to move on once it’s no longer convenient enough for you. It’s not just a matter of how you feel.
If you think meeting occasionally is fine, then just meet occasionally. If your partner feels unsatisfied because you’re not meeting their expectations, they’ll probably stop inviting you.
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