I’d like some advice about my relationship with a PJ I really enjoy having dinner dates with.
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Every time, we have dinner and then enjoy an adult relationship (intimate).
I genuinely love our dinner dates, but what comes afterward is pretty underwhelming, and honestly, I don’t enjoy it much.
I know I’m being stingy, but I find myself wishing we could keep it to dinner only and lower the allowance just a little—maybe by 10–20%.
When we first met, she told me that the arrangement included an adult relationship and that the allowance would be this amount, so I’ve been paying her asking price. Honestly, though, I feel the dinner dates are well worth the money and I’m completely satisfied with them, but I don’t feel the same way about the adult part...
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂Not stated👑Universe male member
It’s been a very long time since I last answered, but I feel like this has become an even more enjoyable place than before!
As for my answer, I think it depends on whether you’re prepared to part ways with this woman.
If you absolutely don’t want things to end, it would be best to say, “I’d like us to continue seeing each other for dinner only from now on. I’ll keep your allowance the same.”
If you feel that ending things would be unavoidable, then you’ll probably need to be honest and say, “I’d like us to continue with dinner only from now on. With that in mind, would it be okay if I reduced your allowance to ●● yen?”
I also think it would be better to keep the reason why you want a dinner-only arrangement as vague as possible.
Since the reason is that you’re no longer enjoying the adult relationship (intimate), telling her that directly could hurt her unnecessarily. Whether it’s because of your health, because you’re not enjoying the adult relationship (intimate), or for some other reason, I don’t think you need to spell it out.
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From a man’s perspective, he may feel that if it’s dinner only, the allowance should be lower—or perhaps not necessary at all. But for a woman who originally agreed to an adult relationship (intimate), being told that her allowance will be reduced because it’s now dinner only can feel like an insult to her pride.
That said, if you’ve already built a relationship where you can speak honestly with each other, she might accept a dinner-only arrangement with a 10–20% reduction.
However, there’s also a chance it could damage your relationship. If your goal is to lower the allowance, I think it’s better to leave things as they are if you want to continue enjoying pleasant conversations together.
If the allowance itself isn’t an issue and you simply don’t want to be intimate, you could try switching to dinner only without reducing it.
As a general rule, bringing up a reduction is a taboo subject. If you feel the allowance is too much, you should end things and look for someone new. If you don’t want to break up, you should continue seeing her under the current terms.
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If you’re offering the same allowance for dinner only (no intimacy) as you would for an adult relationship (intimate), there shouldn’t be a problem.
However, if she has made it clear that the allowance is set at that amount on the assumption of an adult relationship (intimate), I think it would be difficult to reduce it.
She may also be budgeting for living expenses, student loans, and so on based on entering into an adult relationship (intimate) with you.
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Why are you putting up with this and staying in the relationship?
You’re a man, so why not move on to the next offer?
At dating clubs, men are generally in the stronger position and can make offers to women they like.
Women may not receive any offers, even if they wait.
So come on—apply for your next offer now.
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You’re C-type, not B-type, right?
If so, tell her you’d be perfectly satisfied just going to a hotel and cuddling, and increase the allowance by 10–20% as proof of that.
That’s probably the only option…
Papa-katsu is about making women feel happy and fulfilled through both dinner and an adult relationship. If you’re considering your own satisfaction—not hers—in relation to the allowance, then you’re seeking a certain level of satisfaction or service in return, which isn’t much different from cabaret clubs or the adult entertainment industry.
Also, a man’s satisfaction is an important factor for women too. So if the woman asking the question isn’t satisfied with the adult relationship, there’s a good chance she’s not getting much satisfaction from the dinners either.
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I’m not in favor of cutting things off—I’d rather reduce the allowance—so I think that approach is perfectly reasonable.
Compared with being cut off and ending up with nothing, I feel that even a reduced allowance is better when you consider the woman’s goals in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and the man’s satisfaction with the relationship.
From the club’s perspective, they’d probably say, “You should make a new offer and look for a new favorite,” while many male members would likely say, “It’s a package deal. Replacing her can’t be helped!”（笑）
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Let’s say the allowance is ¥50,000. A dinner date plus an adult relationship isn’t worth ¥50,000 to you, and neither is a dinner-only date. So you want to lower the amount to something more reasonable, in line with the value you’re getting, right?
A 20% reduction of ¥10,000 would make it ¥40,000 for dinner only. Most people would recognize that as a very generous offer. And yet, it feels difficult to bring up.
In other words, I think the person asking isn’t really worried about the reduction itself—they feel awkward because it would indirectly communicate, “I don’t see any value in having sex with you.”
I want to say this loud and clear: Why would you even choose to tell them that? lol
Just make up another reason and lie.
For example: “My doctor diagnosed me with an enlarged prostate, and maybe because of that, my erections have suddenly gotten weaker. But I don’t want to take ED medication just to have sex. So from now on, would ¥40,000 for a dinner-only date be okay?” Something like that.
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I think he’d probably be happy with that. If you cut it in half—or down to one bill—it might be the end of things, but a 10–20% reduction should be okay.
If there’s no adult relationship and we part ways after a short time, I think he’d say, “Thank you!”
I give higher priority to papas who say they’d still like to see me even if it’s dinner only.
Akari
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If I genuinely enjoyed their company, I’d be happy to meet for dinner only—even if they suggested lowering the allowance.
That said, I’d probably also feel a little sad wondering whether the adult relationship had really been that disappointing…
So I think it would be good to explain it tactfully, such as saying that you really enjoy your meals together and would like to spend more time on that.
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