Thank you… Sorry for posting again. The foreplay was rough and painful, and I could feel him touching me impatiently. When I pushed his hand away, he clicked his tongue at me. I started crying, but did he ignore that too? Since it was dark, he may have pretended not to notice, but I endured it the whole time.
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But I still couldn’t calm down, and I wanted him to understand that I’m not a toy, so I honestly told him over LINE afterward that I’d been hurt. He’s usually very kind, but he treated me like this only that day. I was deeply hurt, but I wanted to forgive him, so I talked to him about it. As Basil-san suggested, he apologized, but I think I hurt his pride.
I feel that I should do something to restore his pride the next time we meet. I’d be grateful for any advice on what might be appropriate…
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Member of another dating club
That’s something the papa should apologize for later—not you.
Personally, I don’t understand why you’d still want to be with someone who does things that make you uncomfortable.
If you can put up with things you dislike for money, you’d probably earn more working in the adult entertainment industry.
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That’s not papa-katsu anymore. He’s crossed the line.
You should look for a more respectable papa (male supporter).
Since papa-katsu involves money, both parties are supposed to be very considerate of each other. You don’t do things that make the other person uncomfortable. The moment he ignored your reaction and continued with foreplay—even after you told him it hurt—it would have been perfectly fine to end things.
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Maybe he’s a papa (a male supporter) whose feelings are a bit up and down?
I wonder if something was bothering him.
If something makes you uncomfortable, you need to say so at the time, or it’ll gradually become the norm.
I think it was good that you brought it up over LINE afterward. Even if you continued seeing someone who wouldn’t change, it would only be painful for you.
Hopefully he won’t do anything unpleasant the next time you meet...
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Speaking for myself, I would simply “check” what the next time will be like without saying anything.
If things are good, I’ll continue as they are. But if he’s rough, I’ll end things.
I think I’ve answered a similar question before, even though the question itself was different.
Marika
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If it was only that one time, there was no need to bring it up afterward. It sounds like he was already somewhat irritated, and mentioning pride only added fuel to the fire.
What matters is what happens next time.
By the way, are you perhaps being too passive in bed? If the rough foreplay continues, try suggesting the kind of attention you prefer—or take the initiative yourself—so the unwanted touching naturally stops. Think about how to communicate with your partner in bed.
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Hmm…
In this case, I don’t think his pride was hurt either.
You said he’s always kind, so if that’s the case, I think something unusual must have happened that time. He probably realized it himself and apologized.
Next time, it might be good to figure out whether he was just being polite or whether he genuinely felt bad about it.
> I think I should do something to restore his pride.
I don’t think it’s exactly about restoring his pride, but when you see him next, you could say something like:
“Your dates are always fun, but last time was painful and difficult for me. I enjoy being with the usual you more, and it’s easier for me to get in the mood.”
I think it would be fine to say something along those lines.
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I think the kind of relationship you have depends on your purpose in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Are you seeing him in exchange for an allowance to satisfy the papa’s sexual needs, or are you aiming for a balanced relationship where you both enjoy yourselves, including intimacy?
This papa is probably the former, don’t you think? If you want to continue seeing him, I think things can be repaired if you take his pride into consideration, apologize for refusing with your hand, and honestly tell him that being clicked at was hurtful.
Seeking your own pleasure can put a considerable burden on the other person. Conversely, making the other person feel good often means putting your own pleasure aside to focus entirely on pleasing them.
I think that’s probably the reality of intimacy for many couples.
Which type are you?
Once you’re clear about that, you may have a better idea of how to continue the relationship.
It’s me.
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If he was only rough and painful that one day, I don’t think his pride was hurt. Next time, if you really let loose during sex, he’ll probably be in a better mood.
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