I was seeing a 21-year-old college student.

I think this is pretty common among female college students around 20. In my experience, the only women who have tried to negotiate a higher allowance after an adult relationship (intimate) have been college students. Maybe they date other men afterward, find out they can get more, and then come back to negotiate. When I used to vary the allowance depending on the woman, I sometimes agreed to a first request, but I decided that any negotiation after the second time meant ending things immediately. In other words, cutting my losses. You should also set a clear cutoff point and stick to it when dating. By the way, I used to offer different allowances, but now I’ve settled on a pay-per-meeting allowance of 5 for everyone and tell the women that upfront. These days, no one comes back later asking to renegotiate the allowance.

It’s probably because the other person doesn’t hold you in particularly high regard. Girls around 20 do tend to be like that, but if they respect you, you should still be able to feel that they genuinely value you beneath their carefree behavior. If she was thrilled by ¥10,000 before, she should still be able to appreciate the value of that ¥10,000, no matter how much time has passed. And if her allowance has increased with other papas, there’s even less reason for her to make money-related comments that would leave a bad impression on a papa she truly values.

Sorry, I showed this question to my papa earlier, and he said, “It’s because you’re a pushover. It has nothing to do with her being a college student.” Personally, I feel that being looked down on by a female college student in your 40s is pretty rough. Maybe you’re just too kind. Once, I introduced a kind papa who paid ¥25,000 per meeting to a friend. Later, she secretly borrowed ¥500,000 from him, then proudly told me, “I managed to get 500 grand out of that guy, too.” There are awful people regardless of their age. I think you’re better off not getting involved with girls like that.

It’s not necessarily because she was a college student—it sounds like that was simply the kind of person she was. Some people can be grateful for anything, no matter their age, while others never learn to appreciate anything. That’s just how I see it. Personally, I think you’re probably a very kind person. You don’t need to feel guilty, but if she was someone you genuinely cared about, perhaps you could have let her go before her sense of money became distorted—or thought about how to prevent that from happening. That said, it’s easy to think that way only after it’s over. Why not use this experience to think about what you’ll do differently next time? I don’t think the solution is simply to stop offering to college students. If anything, I feel that women may be taking advantage of you because you’re too kind. Someone who naturally increases the allowance and gives presents too is pretty rare, and I think such a person is truly valuable. Not everyone will help you just because you’re having a hard time, and not everyone feels like helping others when they’re struggling either. So perhaps it was mutually beneficial in its own way. I hope you meet someone wonderful next time!!

The woman I’m seeing doesn’t seem to have changed much when it comes to her attitude toward money（笑） What I do feel has changed is that, compared with when we first met—when she thought I was just a disgusting, horny old man—she now seems reluctant to leave until she has established a stable foundation for her life, whether that means a salary or another man. She sometimes says things like: “I don’t feel like seeing anyone else,” or “Men just don’t measure up anymore.” So, as someone who worked his way up from the bottom, it makes me feel “happy” rather than proud—though I’m not Mac-san（笑） She says, “I’ll become independent properly someday…” but I sometimes wonder when that will actually be. And with people getting married later these days, I also wonder, “Is she going to stay single forever?” It’s complicated.

Even if you hadn’t given her anything, a girl who already had enough papas and was doing well probably would have gotten the same result from her other papas alone. Some girls become ungrateful or change their attitude after receiving an allowance, while others never change no matter how much time passes. Whether she’ll truly appreciate things once she starts working for herself, or get swept up in the temporary pleasure of making easy money—that’s up to her. You’re far too emotionally fragile. In many ways, female college students are still immature, so I think many men avoid them. Marika

In my experience, about half of the students are like this. Even if they initially say, “Are you really going to give me 50,000 yen?” they quickly become jaded and start asking for this and that. They still think they’re the center of the world and don’t know how to be patient. I used to think that having to deal with difficult girls was just part of papa-katsu, but if they make additional demands exceeding one allowance payment—not counting one or two bills here and there—I see no future in it and end things. The questioner is dragging this out too much. By contrast, the working women with stable full-time jobs whom I target understand how hard it is to earn money and know the importance of keeping promises. Even if they don’t compromise on the terms at the first meeting, it’s rare for them to start asking for this and that afterward. That said, they often care more about the restaurant and hotel, so the total cost of the date ends up being about the same as—or even more than—when I give a student extra money.

I’m 28, so some people may say I’m not exactly stable yet, but I’m a female member named Potassium. First of all, you sound like a kind person. However, I also think you may be the type who ends up spoiling people precisely because you’re so kind. I do think you’ve contributed to throwing off the woman you’re seeing’s sense of money, though I’m sorry to put some of the blame on you. But I don’t think you’re the only reason she became that way. It’s also partly her own issue, and honestly, it’s a bit presumptuous to think you alone had that much influence. If all you want is a relationship where you do it without any emotional investment and simply get your satisfaction, then give her the agreed payment and be done with it. But if you want a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) relationship that adds even a little color to both your lives, then properly “train” each other. And let yourself be “trained” as well. It has to work both ways. Talk about the risks of falling behind as a working adult and as a person, praise her when she does something good, and help broaden her perspective. I think that when a long-term relationship continues and she eventually becomes a fully independent working adult, she’ll feel gratitude that goes beyond the allowance. If “papa-katsu” is just a euphemism for compensated dating, then you don’t need to feel guilty or responsible—the woman should understand that too. But if you genuinely want to be a papa (a male supporter), then it’s better to teach her properly. Not by lecturing her, but by discussing how to think about things now and in the future. If she dislikes that, then she probably doesn’t have much room for growth in the first place. You can’t determine whether a woman’s financial sense will be stable based on age alone. An immature woman who can’t grow will remain immature. Being able to think for yourself about money, gratitude, and its value isn’t a matter of age. Among the women I know, both at and outside of work, I feel that those who have held a regular job for at least three years tend to be less likely to be a person to avoid. That’s when people start earning their own money and developing a sense of responsibility toward their work. Pardon the digression—this is just my personal opinion. *The result of trying hard to summarize it.*

Put kindly, she’s gotten used to it; put less kindly, she may have become numb to it. I can’t tell how serious it is, but I imagine it would take a comparable amount of experience to return to the way she was. Unless she herself feels a sense of danger, she probably won’t want to change, and it’s not really something others should interfere with. I don’t know whether it’s normal. If you felt uneasy or guilty, it might be worth thinking things over before handing over the allowance. Rather than blaming her age or circumstances, perhaps reflect on your own decision to keep answering her every request without question. That said, if you don’t care how the woman’s sense of values changes, then I suppose you can give her whatever you feel like. Besides, it may not be the allowance you gave her that changed her perspective. There could be another papa (a male supporter) who’s been showering her with allowance, and that may be what changed her.

“Normal” means different things depending on what you use as the benchmark, and everyone interprets it differently. I honestly don’t think there’s any word with as much room for interpretation—and misunderstanding—as “normal.” Maybe you’re overthinking it. The allowance you give her is an investment. If you give her ¥500,000 and can see a return on that investment, keep seeing her. If you can’t expect one, then stop. The return—or benefit—a papa (a male supporter) seeks from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) might be an adult relationship (intimate), enjoyable time together, or a potential business partner. Some papas don’t seek anything in return and are simply satisfied seeing their PJ happy. Everyone has different values. I’m of the opinion that an allowance is neither consumption nor a donation—it’s an investment. It’s me.