I ended up parting ways with the papa I loved so much.
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He said he wanted to support me on a monthly basis because he liked me, and we had a relationship that was kind of like being a part-time mistress or girlfriend. But he was also seeing someone else, and she was a business client of his, so it seems he’s in a situation where he can’t do his job without her.
Since he couldn’t break up with her, he asked me to be satisfied with receiving money from him, and we continued seeing each other for a while. But eventually I reached my limit and complained to him, which led to us breaking up.
He hasn’t blocked me on LINE, but he stopped replying, leaving my messages unread.
Is it really not allowed to have your heart fulfilled through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or being a mistress? Or was it simply that I wasn’t enough to fulfill him completely?
I’m overwhelmed with sadness over the breakup, thinking about how things might have been if I had done this or that. I know I need to forget him and move on, but I can’t stop feeling sad. I’m sure he probably doesn’t feel anything about it. That makes me sad too…
Maybe I could have won if I had endured it and continued acting like a sweet, comforting woman until things fell apart between him and the other woman. Does feeling this way mean that my heart is small-minded?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂30s👑Universe female member
You’re free to fall for and care about whoever you want, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
But if this was a compensated relationship rather than ordinary romance, perhaps you should have drawn a clear line between the two. I’m sure the man was giving you an allowance on the understanding that things wouldn’t become too serious. Since you overstepped those boundaries, I think the breakup was inevitable.
Still, regardless of his work, you were probably always going to be second or third in his life, so there’s no point agonizing over it.
If you still love him deeply and can wait for him to come back to you someday, then I think it’s fine to wait. You don’t know whether that day will ever come, but if he’s important enough that you’re willing to waste your life waiting, then I’d say go for it.
Your heart isn’t poor, and if you truly loved him, isn’t that enough? Just become so beautiful and successful that you can make him regret losing you.
Hang in there!!
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That’s way too much.
I keep this separate from real romantic relationships.
If you’re in your 30s, why not try looking for a serious partner instead of coming to a site like this?
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I personally prefer the girl I’m seeing to be a little high-maintenance, so I don’t know all the details, but I don’t think I’d end things over something like this. If anything, we’d probably grow closer.
My guess is either that he simply wasn’t that kind of papa (a male supporter), or that he’d already lost interest in you.
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You can complain about your papa as much as you want, but—
> “I’ve reached the limit of my patience”
What exactly is that supposed to mean?
Don’t underestimate papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Papa-katsu is supposed to be mutually fulfilling.
What do you mean, “the limit”? You shouldn’t make it seem like you’re not satisfied, or the other person will lose interest too.
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Maybe the truth is that you yourself were looking for a relationship like the one in this situation. Yet somehow, you ended up worrying and hurting yourself, taking it out on him, and bringing the relationship to its inevitable end. In other words, you were actually the one writing the script—and you were the heroine, too. Could there be some truth to that?
If you look at it this way, this heartbreak was actually a huge success. You could say it turned out exactly as you had envisioned. Deep down, this is the kind of experience you were seeking.
It may have been painful, but it was also a valuable and necessary experience for you. In other words, this could become the “setup” for your future success.
Now, you’re probably thinking you’ve had enough of this kind of thing. It’s time for you to become someone who can be happy with a man who listens to you and loves you above all else. You were able to reach that point because you went through this experience. Seen that way, it was a meaningful one.
The curtain has fallen on this chapter, so it’s time to start writing the script for your next one.
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> Maybe I could have won her back if I had endured it and kept playing the role of a cute, comforting woman until things became strained between her and the other woman and they broke up. Does thinking this way mean my heart is impoverished?
Maybe it does, or maybe it doesn’t.
That said, when you say,
> I reached my limit, complained, and ended up parting ways,
it does seem like things may have ended a little prematurely.
Since this was an allowance-based relationship, I think being able to endure certain things is also important.
> Is it wrong to have my heart fulfilled through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or by being a mistress? Or was it simply that I wasn’t enough to fulfill her completely?
I don’t think that’s the case.
I think it would be more appropriate to see this as a situation where the papa had other priorities he needed to focus on at that time.
The world rarely works out exactly as we want it to. I believe we all try to live while balancing the circumstances around us with the way we want to be.
It may be best to understand that this parting was simply the result of that process.
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I don’t think you’re lacking in character.
But as you probably already realize, saying she’s a business contact is just an excuse.
It’s sad, but you probably simply lost out to that woman.
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I also broke up with someone I’d been seeing for a long time this past May.
You can’t help falling in love, right? So let yourself cry as much as you need to. Even now, six months later, I still want to see him, and I love him more than anyone. Even just thinking about him brings tears to my eyes.
I wonder when I’ll finally be able to forget him… For now, I’m looking forward to having another great love someday—one strong enough to make these feelings disappear.
To the person who asked: cry, throw yourself into your work, and little by little, you’ll start to forget. Oh, and be sure to wash your face properly after crying. Your eyes will look awful the next day.
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Well, assuming the last sentence is a question, I’ll answer it. Based on this limited information alone, I don’t think Joe did it because he’s spiritually poor. I also think it’s human nature to try to judge everything in life as a win or a loss. At the same time, I do think it’s rather shallow to see things only in those terms. I’m not making fun of you, and you may not be able to see it that way right now, but I feel this experience could become one of life’s treasures.
To start feeling a little more positive, it might not be a bad idea to begin by making a big change to your hairstyle.
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