How long do you usually spend together with someone you see on a monthly arrangement?

I’m not currently in a monthly arrangement, but in the past I tried one at a rather questionable amount, and things became awkward, so I went back to my current arrangement. Personally, I think that if you’re concerned about the number of meetings or the amount of time spent together—or if you want to set an expected amount in advance—it may be better not to choose a monthly arrangement. That said, to answer your question, compared with the rates that are occasionally discussed, I’d say the arrangement is fairly generous. However, I can’t say how it works for that particular man, and you may also be able to find a more generous supporter, so it’s hard to say for sure. At the moment, I have a few girls I see on a pay-per-meeting basis, with a minimum number of meetings per month agreed upon. Each date lasts around three to five hours. We don’t only meet for an adult relationship (intimate); sometimes we just have dinner. But looking only at the number of adult dates, if we meet twice a month, the amount is about the same as yours. We also go shopping sometimes, and I occasionally give them something extra on a whim. The girl I see only once a month spends around six to eight hours with me per date. This is just for reference, so in reality, I think it would be best to discuss the terms thoroughly with the person you’re seeing.

> I usually wrap things up after about three hours, saying something like, “It’s about time…” Three hours seems like a perfectly reasonable amount of time, so I think the men probably understand and think, “Well, I guess it makes sense to call it a night after three hours.” But if you’re worried they might be dissatisfied and stop seeing you, you could avoid being the one to say it’s time to leave. Even if you run out of things to talk about, just relax and wait without saying anything until they’re the one who says it’s time. That approach might work.

I’m in a monthly arrangement, but some months we meet every week—or even twice a week when we can. There have also been months when our work and schedules didn’t line up and we couldn’t meet even once. Even so, we’re still on good terms. I tend to go on outings and dates more often, and my papa (a male supporter) always says we should plan dates that he can enjoy too, so I have fun every time. I recommend asking your partner what kind of dates they’d like and how often they want to meet.

I’d say that’s on the shorter side. I’ve mostly had monthly arrangements, but when I worked it out on a pay-per-meeting basis, one papa (a male supporter) would’ve amounted to over ¥2 million—though we hardly met, and he mostly just drove me around. With the papa I’m seeing now, there are months when we spend a long time together and it works out to ¥50,000 per meeting. It really varies from person to person. As long as neither of you is unhappy with the arrangement, I think that’s what matters.

I’m Potassium, a female member with a monthly arrangement. Are you concerned about it because you’re feeling dissatisfied or anxious about something? It really comes down to whether you’re satisfied with the amount of time you and your partner spend together. So even if you hear the opinions of respondents or some kind of “general consensus,” I don’t think it will be of much use in your relationship. Why not try honestly telling him how you feel right now? Of course, you may be thinking, “I’m asking here because I can’t ask him directly.” But even if you get reassurance from the few people answering here—“I’m not doing anything wrong; there’s no problem with this relationship”—the person you’re dating isn’t one of the respondents here, nor is he “general opinion.” So your relationship with him probably won’t change at all. It might be fine if you intend to blame him when you break up. But if the only thing you can do in the relationship is blame the other person, then all you’ve done is earn money without growing emotionally. In my opinion, that would mean the time you spent was wasted, which is why I made the comment above. It’s more efficient to earn money while growing as a person, too. 〈There’s no point reading about my kind of relationship〉 To give some background, our relationship is based on prioritizing each other’s time constraints—family, living with parents, friendships, and so on—so sometimes we spend a long time together and sometimes only a short time. We meet two or three times a month. (The allowance is about 50,000 yen per meeting, I think.) When we spend a long time together, it can be from 10 a.m. until 9 p.m. Personally, I don’t mind whether our time together is short or long. I think the most important thing is how we spend that time without having regrets. So I’m fine with either short or long dates. What matters to me is that he makes time in his schedule so we can share it together. It’s about enjoying the time we’ve agreed on. When we spend a long time together, our schedule might include karaoke, lunch, a hotel, napping together, drinking wine while watching a movie in bed, and dinner. Karaoke and watching movies become separate activities. We’ve also arm-wrestled and played card games. We’re planning to go bouldering, hiking, and running soon. I’d love to go snowboarding, but I can’t exactly take my papa (a male supporter) along when he’s not an advanced skier, so that’s a little disappointing... We both suggest things we’d like to do together, and he manages the schedule for our relationship. *Honestly, I do feel a little bad about napping together. But I’m a long sleeper, so if I have to get up early on weekend mornings, the following week becomes exhausting. This relationship is really possible because of my papa’s kindness... I’m incredibly grateful.* This may be an unusual arrangement, but relationships like this do exist. So I still think you should talk things over with the man you’re seeing. That’s just my personal opinion, for whatever it’s worth.

It sounds like a perfectly balanced arrangement. It clearly fulfills both sides’ purposes: intimacy and money. If anything, keeping it that short is probably more convenient for both of you. When the goal is clearly an adult relationship (intimate), shorter meetings like that can also be more convenient for the man. That said, as Dai mentioned, it’s also possible that he only goes to hotels because he isn’t that interested in you. If another woman comes along, he may end things with you. Normally, we spend anywhere from two or three hours to half a day together, and the length varies depending on the day. The allowance doesn’t change based on how long we spend together. If he has some free time, we might meet for just an hour or two, or even meet several days in a row. If there’s a movie we want to see, sometimes we just go to the movies. We might also take a long trip to a destination for good food or something we want, work or go out together, or he may simply serve as my personal chauffeur. It’s like when you tell your family you’re going to the convenience store or supermarket, and they turn you into an errand runner, saying, “Since you’re going, buy me this and this”—things they normally couldn’t buy for themselves. Then, when you come back from the supermarket, they get mad and say, “Why did you buy so much?” I think the benefit of having a papa (a male supporter) is that you can enjoy doing what you want without worrying about the cost, and both sides can have fun while feeling they’re getting something out of it.

I may not be the right person to answer since I don’t see women on a monthly arrangement, but… If it’s 200,000 yen a month for two or three dates, I’d say those are fairly good terms. Three hours at a hotel only isn’t necessarily short, but if she finds someone she’s more compatible with, it wouldn’t be surprising if she moved on. If you’re more of a passive type, why not think about offering something you can both enjoy together? For reference, I’m in a pay-per-meeting arrangement for 50,000 yen. Usually, it’s about an hour of dinner plus a little extra, an hour or so of intimate time at a hotel, and then another one or two hours chatting in bed over sake—so it generally comes to four hours or more.