I keep finding myself being possessive of the woman I’m dating【early 20s】 this time.
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For example, I tell her that I want her to reply to my messages sooner, or I ask her, “Where are you right now?”
She seems a little put off by it.
I want to stop being so possessive, so I’d appreciate some advice on how I should think about things so I can become less controlling.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂Not stated👑Universe male member
Unfortunately, you should assume she’s not just a little uncomfortable—she probably genuinely dislikes it deep down.
At this point in life, a personality that’s become so deeply ingrained isn’t going to change, so I’d suggest raising the allowance as much as possible and asking her to put up with it.
You can’t take your money with you when you die, so you might as well spend it while you’re alive.
If, at his age, he’s offering a low allowance and still doing this, it’s honestly too painful to watch. I’d recommend that he retire from papa-katsu.
That said, the fact that they’re still seeing each other may mean the other person has financial reasons for continuing as well.
Taking advantage of that would be incredibly tacky, so show the dignity you’ve built up over all these years.
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Haha, I totally understand how you feel.
The solution is simple: from the woman’s side of the relationship, “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.”
She’s young, so she has plenty of things she wants to do—and probably lots of things she doesn’t want her papa to know about.
You’re both old enough to know better, so just be a convenient papa for her. She’ll reach out when she needs help or feels like contacting you… Sometimes, it’s important to wait.
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If it’s ¥500,000 or ¥1 million or more a month, they might be willing to put up with it.
Maybe it’s the same as the late pitcher Murata, who was arrested at Haneda Airport.
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I see multiple women because I don’t want to end up feeling that way.
But I’m not perfect, so for the first few months after making an offer, I still get anxious if she takes a long time to reply.
For example, if my message remains unread for two full days, I start wondering whether something happened or whether I said something that hurt her.
Sometimes I even think it might be best to just accept it as a transactional relationship and move on to another woman—and actually start taking steps in that direction.
But once the relationship has continued for around six months, we both get a feel for each other’s pace and settle into a comfortable way of seeing one another, so I generally stop worrying about things.
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Just do the opposite.
If you do that, they’ll naturally start replying quickly and telling you where they are and what they’re doing.
If you can’t afford to have that kind of leeway, you probably shouldn’t be a papa. Given your age, you really need to have plenty of room to spare…
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If she’s in her 20s and you’re in your 70s, the relationship is more like that of a granddaughter and her grandfather.
If you want to date a woman in her 20s, you need to treat her as kindly as you would your own granddaughter.
The ideal is a grandfather who never contacts her first, is gentle, buys her anything she asks for, and gives her lots of spending money at New Year’s and Obon.
This may sound frightening, but have you heard of the “Don Juan of Kishu” case? Apparently, the victim—a man in his 70s—would nag his 20-something wife, who was out partying around Tokyo and rarely came home, telling her to “stay home more.” Terrifying, isn’t it?
In any case, please treat your partner kindly. Thank you.
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Female member, Potassium:
That’s not really papa-katsu anymore—it’s just pretending to be a parent.
If she’s uncomfortable with it, I think she’s probably starting to feel quite suffocated.
Long-term relationships are built on trust. If you find her cute and want to cherish her, then trust her. Trying to control her and keep tabs on what she does is, in my opinion, the opposite of trust.
Even if you’re going to be possessive, you need to keep the door of your own birdcage open and create a relationship where she can come and go freely. Otherwise, you’ll end up keeping her captive. Or the moment you open the door, she’ll fly away somewhere.
That’s just my personal opinion.
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