During a conversation with my papa (a male supporter), we somehow ended up deciding, “Let’s go to a hot spring resort for one night.” Since he can’t drive, we’d have to take the bullet train or an express train. I assumed my papa (a male supporter) would cover the transportation costs to the destination—somewhere around Hakone or Kinugawa—but he made it sound like we’d each pay our own way. I’d like to confirm, but what would be a good way to ask without making things awkward?
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The allowance is 50,000 yen, and if I also have to pay for my own round-trip transportation, would you ladies still go?
We wouldn’t be shopping or anything—just staying at a ryokan.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
You both ended up suggesting a hot-spring trip, but you’re still worried about the allowance?
Even if you’re only covering the actual transportation costs, it’s not like you’re paying out of pocket, so I feel like you should just enjoy the trip together and have a good time…
Personally, I don’t think you should travel together while you’re still in a relationship where you’re constantly focused on the allowance.
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Even with men I dated in the past—not just papas—I’ve never once paid my own travel or transportation expenses.
I know I shouldn’t take that for granted, and of course I’m nothing but grateful… but I honestly can’t imagine it any other way. Sorry.
If you travel separately and meet up there, then I guess it can’t really be helped?! But if you say, “Let’s go together!” and travel from the station together, I feel like he’d probably cover the transportation costs…
Still, if it were somewhere I really wanted to go badly enough that I’d go alone, I might pay for the transportation myself. It would be more trouble to argue about it on the spot… Though with someone like that, I feel like there would probably be more things to feel uneasy about down the road.
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Does “can’t drive” mean his license has been suspended?
And by “just staying overnight”…does that mean you won’t be sightseeing either?
If it’s only staying overnight, I’m not sure—but I’d be fine with it if we were going sightseeing.
What hobbies do you and your papa (a male supporter) have in common?
If it were me, I could play golf or visit temples and shrines, but it wouldn’t be fun spending time with someone whose interests don’t match mine, would it?
I guess it depends on how much the round-trip transportation costs, right?
If it’s going to cost 10,000 yen or so, why not meet your papa and have him buy your tickets?
Also, even though it’s a trip, is the allowance staying the same?
Why?
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Not in a bad way, but given the age and income gap—and the fact that a man of higher social status is taking a younger woman on a trip—I think it’s normal for the papa (a male supporter) to cover the travel expenses. Is he perhaps misunderstanding something…?
Is he seriously planning to travel together as if you were a student couple splitting the bill? That sounds pretty awkward. If it were me, I’d probably turn him down by saying I’m busy with work. I’d only want to travel with someone I’m genuinely close to and trust…
I don’t think there’s any way to ask without offending him, so maybe you could suggest meeting at a major station with a casual “Let’s go there together!” and have him buy the tickets on the spot.
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Is it really enjoyable being involved with someone who makes you worry that much?
That’s not papa-katsu—you should break up with him.
A papa who makes you worry like that is seriously messed up, too...
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If you feel that way—that you won’t get anything unless you go shopping, and that they won’t even cover your transportation costs—I think it’s better to quit.
If you don’t even want to spend a little of your own money just to be together, and you wouldn’t want to be together without an allowance or something you want, then I think it’s best to walk away.
Akari
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It really depends on the individual and the relationship you have with your papa.
Personally, I think it’s best not to get hung up on that amount of money. If he’s the kind of person who would make you anxious over something like that, why not end the relationship or simply avoid traveling together?
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