I've been seeing my papa for a year and a half.

This is just Joe’s opinion, but in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), the one word a woman should never say is “cheap.” I doubt you actually say it, but even thinking it is a no-no, haha. To a papa (a male supporter), “cheap” is a forbidden word—and sulking won’t make him any less cheap. So what should you do? There’s an age-old rule dating back to the Edo period: don’t give in too easily to a cheap man. Keep him waiting as long as you can! Then, lo and behold, if he’s merely stingy but has a thick wallet, he may suddenly become much more generous. To put it bluntly, over the past year and a half, the questioner has been getting pushed around by her papa. Now is the time to fight back. For starters, try hitting him with: “You think I’m crazy about your little thing? Oh, please—what are you talking about with that sad excuse for one?” Wishing you the best of luck.

Very few female members are involved purely for the money, I think. And unfortunately, they may still be receiving a fairly substantial financial benefit from someone like you. I used to think there couldn’t be that many delusional papas who believed there were lots of women like that. But the reality is that they’re fairly common, and when you end up with a papa who’s mistaken like you, I can’t see it as anything but unfortunate. Some male members and respondents are in adult relationships and financially well-established, so perhaps they see something beyond money. Personally, I’m extremely focused on the money, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with caring about the allowance. That said, putting too much emphasis on it can also work against you, so it’s all about balance. Also, every girl I’ve dated or am currently seeing has told me, “I’m not doing this for the money.” But I don’t respond by lowering or cutting back her allowance, of course. If anything, I increase the pay-per-meeting allowance, and I’ll give her the same amount even when we don’t have an adult relationship. So find a papa who’s easy to get hooked, and skillfully make him devoted to you（笑） Before you know it, you’ll be getting over ¥100,000 per meeting（笑） I don’t know whether that papa is stingy or simply doesn’t have the money, but it seems difficult to correct the situation from there. Find yourself a better papa next.

I’m a female member, Potassium. It sounds like the questioner and her papa just aren’t on the same wavelength. > Maybe she’s mistaken a monthly arrangement for being able to meet and do whatever she wants as often as she wants. → If that’s how the questioner feels, then maybe that’s the case. But if she’s willing to have sex with him, I think that also means she sees him as nothing more than someone who gives her ¥50,000. > Should I tell him, “I don’t have much of a sex drive”? → I’m the type who would tell him. I’d probably say something like, “I don’t feel any sexual desire toward you,” but the relationship would probably end instantly, lol. > If a man were told that by a woman, would he think, “Then why are you having SEX with me?” → I’m not a man, so I don’t know. 【The following is Potassium’s inane rambling that can’t be summarized. If you dislike me, feel free to scroll past or just skim it diagonally.】 As Mac-san said, I’m not doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for the money, so I’m an exception to the kind of female member the questioner has in mind. Of course, I’m happy to receive money. But if I want to, I can earn money myself. Even if the hourly pay I can make through my own work isn’t as time-efficient as the allowance I receive from my papas, I see it as representing my own social value. If that hourly rate is low, there’s nothing I can do about it—it’s the life I chose, and I’m responsible for the consequences. Male members have worked hard in many different ways to reach their current income level. So in the end, I feel like I’m getting the best parts of my papas’ lives. That’s precisely why I think it would be extremely disrespectful if I didn’t engage with the papas themselves—their efforts, knowledge, and life experiences from the past through the future—but only with their money. I want to be someone who can add new color to a papa’s life. I believe there are things I can do precisely because I’m young, and I work hard for that reason. I only date papas who are happy to be with me because of that. As for the questioner, if it’s only about the money, I think you should keep that papa as a once-a-month arrangement and look for a new one. If staying together is only going to make both of you unhappy, wouldn’t it be better either to maintain a comfortable distance or end things? That’s just my personal opinion, though.

I gave a similar answer before, but we’re not at the point where this should become a monthly arrangement yet. I won’t deny that women do this for the money, but I believe there are also people who aren’t in it solely for financial reasons, unlike you, the person asking the question.

I’m sorry for the self-promotion, but please click the “Column Articles” button above and read my column, “Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) Is Governed by Psychology.” It might be helpful—even if only as much as a single grain of sand in the vast Sahara Desert.

From the man’s perspective, he may simply not be very satisfied with you. Or maybe your attitude—that you’re only doing this for the money—is too obvious. For example, you try to get started as soon as you enter the room (and then say you just like sex), leave immediately afterward, and make it clear that you’re focused on getting the most bang for your buck. Normally, once a month would be enough, but if it’s a cost-effective arrangement where he can do whatever he wants, then maybe he’s fine with it. If you make too many demands, he might cut things off instead. If that leaves both of you feeling relieved, then everyone’s happy.

It sounds like you two just weren’t a good enough match for a monthly arrangement… If you were getting along well, you’d naturally start seeing each other more often. But for now, it doesn’t seem like you’re that eager to meet this papa (a male supporter) that frequently. His stingy attitude also makes it seem unlikely that the relationship will improve. So, if it isn’t too unpleasant for you, maybe you could keep the pay-per-meeting arrangement at 50,000 yen once a month on the side, while looking for another papa you’d actually want to have an adult relationship (intimate) with.

Many people seem to think women love sex too, probably because they watch too much porn. Women generally want to be intimate only with someone they truly love. Is your way of thinking a little off? Besides, since he’s only having sex for his own convenience, he sees you as nothing more than a free hole. Whether you break up with him or keep him around because you still want the money is up to you.

Are you really in your 30s and asking a question like this? I don’t know whether he’s cheap, but perhaps he believes that guaranteeing a monthly arrangement should naturally mean meeting more often. I think calling his desire to meet three or four times “being able to meet and do whatever he wants whenever he wants” is an exaggeration. > When a man is told that by a woman, does he think, “Then why are you having sex with me?” Everyone is different, but I wouldn’t think that. However, it would be like being told that she’s meeting me 100% for the allowance, and I would completely lose interest in her. Sexual services are something you can get at a brothel, so in an allowance-based relationship, I want the woman to enjoy spending time with me to some extent as well. What I’m looking for through an exclusive dating club is “a relationship that comes with an allowance.” I see it as a relationship between two people; I’m not under the impression that I’m simply buying sexual services. If all you want is a woman who will have sex with you for money, it would be much better to go to a soapland, where you don’t have to make appointments, take her out to dinner, worry about keeping her happy, or think about whether she’s satisfied. For a total of 80,000 yen, you can find someone quite beautiful who will open the door, give you oral sex right away, have sex, let you finish once, wash you and let you take a bath, cover herself in lotion and lick your entire body including your anus, and let you ejaculate inside her without a condom. If you’re only going to talk about cost performance and money, compare it with that.

You should probably end things. This sounds less like papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) and more like independent sex work. With a monthly arrangement, I believe the point is for the woman to still benefit even if the man sees her less often or isn’t able to meet. Since this man thinks the opposite way, he doesn’t qualify as a papa (a male supporter). A papa is someone who, through his wealth of life experience, shares the benefits of that experience—and his gratitude—with women and younger people alike. If you don’t feel that from him, then this may not really be papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) at all.