He used to give me around ¥200,000 a month, so I quit the dating club.
Recently, he says he’s busy with work and won’t meet me, so the amount has been reduced to around ¥100,000. On top of that, he says he doesn’t know when he’ll be able to see me next month. He messages me every day, but he keeps canceling at the last minute. Yet he still says things like, “I want to see you,” and “I need some comfort.”
I even quit the club because of him, so this treatment is really awful. What do you think?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
It may be awful, but most of the women and men in these clubs are similar types of people, so wouldn’t you do something similar yourself?
If you’re someone who would never betray anyone, then you’re free to think that man is a terrible person.
If you’re looking for sympathy about it, I think you should turn to other women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) who are in the same situation.
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I understand that this forum serves not only as a place to ask questions, but also as a kind of emotional stabilizer.
In the questioner’s case, it seems to be: “My papa (a male supporter) and I have a monthly arrangement, but he reduced my allowance and won’t meet me even though we message every day. Don’t you think that’s awful?”
Joe calls this kind of question “coercing agreement,” but I hope the questioner finds some peace of mind and has a good arrangement. According to the next question, she seems to be moving on to group play, so I hope things work out for her.
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I also read your follow-up post…
So you quit the club of your own accord, without the man asking you to. From his perspective, that may have felt like a lot to take on.
With a monthly arrangement, I would think you’re supposed to receive that amount even if you can’t meet—especially if the missed meetings are due to his circumstances. Personally, I’d be grateful to receive ¥100,000 even without having met him.
As for your question: since quitting the club was your own decision, I don’t think it was unfair treatment. I don’t know whether you told him, “I quit for you,” but some men would find that flattering, while others might feel pressured. I think that’s the difference.
A monthly arrangement is appealing, but I feel it’s better to wait until you know each other a little better before making that kind of commitment.
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I’ll answer here as well, since the next question may be deleted.
I’d simply recommend re-registering with the club and looking for another man.
If the man you’re currently seeing is paying you the agreed-upon allowance and you’re satisfied with the arrangement, I understand why you might feel that meeting other men would be disrespectful.
But in this case, the man is the one at fault for doing things that leave you dissatisfied.
You never know when he might end things, so I think it would be best to take action sooner rather than later.
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It sounds like you’ve already reached a conclusion and posted a separate question—or rather, asked for opinions—but since that isn’t really a question and may get deleted, I’ll answer here.
From what I’ve read, I think he simply got bored. He’s giving the excuse that he’s “busy with work,” paying you ¥100,000 even though he isn’t meeting you, and keeping the connection going one way or another. I think he’s just keeping you on the back burner. It’s a sly thing to do, but I’m not sure whether he considers the ¥100,000 a “retainer fee.” Still, the fact that he is actually paying it does seem somewhat considerate.
With a dating club, to put it bluntly, isn’t it basically a matter of sexual desire and financial desire finding a compromise and entering into an agreement? I think you need to start by facing that reality head-on. Also, the idea that “if things have gone this far, then obviously he should do this” is misguided. Once you’re involved in something this twisted—opening your legs under the label of “free love” and receiving money—general principles no longer really apply. Think for yourself.
That doesn’t mean you should simply distrust everything. There are a lot of lies, but there’s truth as well. I want you to try to find it. If you’re not going to do that, then isn’t this just a transactional relationship with an amateur-escort feel to it?
It’s a matter of probability, so sometimes you get lucky right from the start. But if someone seems questionable, I think it’s better to look at other options. Once you’ve gained a certain amount of experience, you’ll probably be able to make calmer judgments. And if, after that, you still decide you want to take the gamble, then go for it.
I feel like you need to go through another round before you’ll really understand what I mean, but do your best. I’m rooting for you.
Though what do I know.
Taro
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I don’t get the sense that there’s any genuine appreciation, so I can’t tell which of you is at fault.
Generally speaking, when it comes to relationships between men and women, I don’t think only one person is ever to blame.
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If the person asking were a close friend, I’d say, “That’s awful.”
But when someone who doesn’t know the full situation asks, “What do you think?” I can’t help wondering, “Why didn’t you make more of an effort to keep the other person interested?” or “Why did you leave the club?”
Even if the man asked you to quit—which technically violates the rules—you could have chosen to remain registered with the club of your own free will. So I’m not sure it’s fair to put all the blame on him.
That said, I think it’s still not too late. You could re-register and see multiple men going forward, so you won’t be left in trouble even if one person’s allowance decreases. That might be a good option.
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Basically, with this kind of consultation, people tend to lead with only the parts that make them look good, so it’s hard to say. If you could share any inconvenient facts or acknowledge anything you may have done wrong, I might be able to offer some advice.
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