I have a papa (a male supporter) I see on a monthly arrangement.
This content is machine-translated.
The monthly amount was set by him.
Recently, he said he wants to increase how often we meet each month—more than doubling the number of times we’ve been meeting.
But the allowance would stay the same.
I’ve told him that I can’t do that if the allowance doesn’t change, but he keeps saying things like, “Then just add two more meetings,” or “Let’s have more overnight stays.”
It seems like the type of person whose demands will keep escalating if I give in, but should I compromise a little?
For reference, if I convert my current monthly amount into a pay-per-meeting rate, it’s right around the going rate.
If I doubled the number of meetings, the pay-per-meeting amount would be half the going rate, which would honestly be too difficult for me.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
Men generally want to meet as often as possible, while women usually prefer to meet as little as possible.
If you’re constantly thinking about the going rate, choosing a monthly arrangement may not be the best option.
I think a monthly arrangement lasts longest when you feel, “For this amount, I’d be okay meeting however often our schedules allow.”
Be willing to compromise where you can, but I recommend looking for another man as a backup, so you’ll be prepared in case things end at any time.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
In that case, it might be better to meet on a pay-per-meeting basis rather than have a monthly arrangement…
Alternatively, you could give a reason and tell him that you can only meet a certain number of times per month…
I always thought a monthly arrangement was something special.
It makes me sad to think there are people like that. If you don’t really want to meet him often, I’d recommend asking to limit it to a set number of meetings or switching to pay-per-meeting.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Even if money changes hands, a relationship isn’t all about the money.
I always say this: make it something you both enjoy and benefit from.
You need to compromise, but you also need to ask for what you want.
Try to get along and make it work（笑).
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
With a monthly arrangement, things can easily become problematic unless you’re highly compatible with each other. Especially in this case, since the person asking the question doesn’t seem to like her papa (a male supporter) that much, it’s likely to feel even more unpleasant…
If it were me, I’d honestly tell him, “I’m busy with work.” I’d also make a point of regularly mentioning things like, “This is what I’ve been working on lately,” so he sees me as someone who’s dedicated to her job.
Then I’d steer the relationship toward having him support “me, someone who values her work and wants to do her best.” That way, even if I’m too busy to meet, he won’t complain.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You should break things off.
If it’s a monthly arrangement, you should agree on an expected number of meetings, and if you meet more often than that, the man should pay extra for the additional meetings.
It’s completely unacceptable to make the woman lose out.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Early on, I once agreed to a monthly arrangement even though I could only offer a mediocre allowance, and it led to some trouble, so I switched back to pay-per-meeting.
Since then, I’ve used pay-per-meeting arrangements with everyone. As the relationship develops, I may increase the allowance per meeting, pay the same amount even without an adult relationship (intimate), or set a minimum number of meetings, so it’s kind of halfway between pay-per-meeting and a monthly arrangement. But at least those kinds of hassles don’t happen anymore.
Other problems do come up, though（笑）
Even from a common-sense perspective, I don’t think negotiating with the person on the receiving end—the questioner—to unilaterally worsen the terms (by asking for more meetings on the papa’s side) is likely to work out. Besides, once a man starts negotiating like that, he’s probably thinking that he’s fine with the relationship ending, or that he’d continue only if it were at half the amount.
Whether you accept it depends on your financial situation and your pride. Since you’re guaranteed a certain amount either way, I think it comes down to whether you prioritize securing that income, or whether you have other papas and can afford to refuse the demand, accepting that you may lose this papa.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I stick to pay-per-meeting arrangements because with a monthly arrangement, it feels like the negotiations never end.
If you’re not happy with it, then just end things.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
If he’s asking to meet more than twice as often, I think he’s prepared to let the relationship end if necessary.
You should probably present the terms that would make you feel comfortable continuing under those circumstances.
There’s no fixed going rate.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
