This isn’t someone I met here—we have a relationship similar to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but with a university professor. I feel like he knows the going rate but pretends not to, and the allowance is only 10,000 yen. Still, there are major benefits to being close to him, so I can’t bring myself to cut things off. What do you look at besides the allowance when deciding whether to continue?
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We’ve been seeing each other for about six months, and our compatibility—both mentally and physically—is almost cruelly good…
papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) isn’t really that widespread, so I don’t think the professor meant it that way.
I only learned about it in the past two or three years myself, and before that, I didn’t even know there was a going rate.
If you started because you thought there would be other benefits, but they don’t make it worth your while, I think you should just quit. The way you get started matters in anything.
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Are you really concerned about the going rate? Are you frustrated that the professor pretends not to know the going rate, even though he does? I’m not mocking you. If that’s the issue, try negotiating an increase before asking here.
That said, university professors are generally poorly paid. And, for better or worse, many of them are eccentric. You’ll need to negotiate carefully, but it may go more smoothly than you expect. In the end, wouldn’t it be enough if you can simply enjoy your time together?
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You seem to be compatible, so I think you should continue enjoying the benefits until you graduate.
If the allowance is only 10,000 yen and there’s nothing else good about the relationship, I think it’s fine to end things. But if you think he might harass you after you bring up breaking up, you should probably keep evidence, like Mac suggested.
If it were me, I’d keep seeing the professor for now while quietly finding another boyfriend or papa (a male supporter).
Marika
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> A relationship like papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)
Then even 10,000 yen—or 20,000 to 30,000 yen—would be more than enough. This isn’t papa-katsu...
> I feel like you know the going rate but are pretending not to.
Even if they know the going rate, they see this as a different kind of relationship from papa-katsu, so 10,000 to 23,000 yen is perfectly normal.
> The allowance is 10,000 yen.
It’s not an allowance.
> But there are also major benefits to staying close, so I can’t bring myself to cut things off.
You don’t need to cut things off.
> After the allowance, what factors do you look at when deciding whether to continue?
First, think about the relationship itself, beyond the allowance.
Even with papa-katsu, whether things begin with the allowance or with other aspects of the relationship affects what you prioritize—and how fulfilled both the relationship and your needs are.
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Perhaps the professor doesn’t see this as papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
I think you should be grateful that he gives you 10,000 yen at all…
What do you think he’d do if you two broke up?
What would you do if he made it so you could no longer stay at your university?
Whether it’s at work or school, if the other person is your boss or professor, don’t you think about what might happen down the road?
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Considering that you didn’t meet through a dating club and that staying close to them has its own benefits, I think simply receiving an allowance is already something to be grateful for.
I get the feeling that the qualities women value in their partners vary from person to person. For example, if Girl A has three papas, she might find Man B interesting, appreciate Man C because he gives a generous allowance, and get along with Man D because they share the same hobbies.
I’ve listed just one advantage for each to keep things simple, but in reality it’s probably more complicated—like, “He’s boring, but the allowance is good and we only meet about once every two months, so I’ll keep seeing him.”
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