Tips
Oct 16, 2022 20:52
11 answers
🏅 パパ活歴7年目突入
彼氏/既婚/他パパ/セフレOK/全力応援
Age: 50s
👨 Male
Universe member
So you’re a male member, then.
Since it’s about what’s in that person’s heart, if you judge them based on your own ideas about chastity, then I suppose that’s how it may seem to you.
How do you define love?
Being married doesn’t necessarily mean you love someone, and being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you love them either.
The sex I have with my monthly arrangement partner here feels so good that I can’t stop.
When I imagine no longer being able to participate here for some reason, I think I’d feel empty.
Other
Sometimes I actually do cry.
When I’m on my back, I bury my face in the pillow and go, “Waaaah! (><)” lol
I’m not sure if I’d call it emptiness, though.
I’ve been seeing my regular for a very long time, so I don’t feel empty at all with him.
It only happens with about 10% of the new, younger men I meet.
It does seem like some kind of trauma, maybe (っ﹏-*)
I guess I’m just not suited to the club scene.
Even when I want to get closer to someone, I can’t bring myself to make the first move.
I’d love to meet someone I could develop an almost-mistress-like relationship with, but it’s not easy.
I do want to be loved, but I’m so emotionally detached that it seems like I give off a strong transactional vibe.
I’m the one creating that distance, yet I keep falling into an endless loop of thinking,
“What am I even doing?”
I understand how you feel, too.
I’ll take the other respondents’ opinions into consideration as well (o・・o)/~
Other
It doesn’t feel empty to me.
① There’s love, but the sex isn’t good
② There’s no love, but the sex is good
③ There’s love, and the sex is good
That’s the order from least to best.
① is the most disappointing, though.
Of course, having neither love nor good sex is out of the question.
In the end, even with a papa (a male supporter), I wouldn’t have sex unless I at least liked him, even if it wasn’t quite love. And if the sex wasn’t good, I wouldn’t keep seeing him. So I think things usually continue with someone who falls somewhere between ② and ③.
Marika
Other
I wouldn’t know, since I don’t have that kind of sex.
🏅 倶楽部女性のご主人様に潤いを！
Mパパ、永遠の交際継続中！
B1タイプ〜A寄りパパです！
会う度大人は嫌と感じる方………ご相談ください。
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
Don’t you feel a little empty asking a question like that?
It’s only natural.
Sex with love doesn’t necessarily mean you’re sexually compatible. In fact, the odds are probably pretty low.
That’s why papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) can come out on top if you find someone you’re truly compatible with.
It’s simply that you haven’t gotten there yet, right?
You can have much better sex through papa-katsu than with someone you love… and even if it’s papa-katsu, you could argue that it still counts as sex with love.
Hmm? Wait a minute…
Are you saying that you’ve realized sex with perfect chemistry is better than sex with love, and that’s what makes you feel empty? You’re quite the player, aren’t you… lol.
Other
Is there love in it? That’s a line from a famous commercial, right?
You can be intimate because you like someone.
You may not feel love on the first day, but I think making an effort to ensure the other person enjoys themselves could be considered love.
What do you think?
Other
Female member Potassium here.
Below, you can read whichever answer you prefer:
① My opinion, mainly agreeing
② My opinion, mainly disagreeing
③ The Potassium perspective
①
It feels empty, doesn’t it?
Even without love, both men and women can still reach orgasm during sex if they want to. And for human beings, whose brains have evolved so far, what we’re doing is still so animalistic that you start wondering, “What happened to human reason?” I’m sure.
If you feel that sex without love is empty, perhaps you have a well-developed sense of reason.
②
When it comes to sex through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), it seems you don’t feel any kind of affection toward your partner—not love, necessarily, but even liking them or having a soft spot for them.
That’s kind of sad.
Maybe you feel empty because you’re having sex while thinking it’s empty in the first place?
Even if there are no emotions involved, we’re still animals, after all, so there’s nothing inherently wrong with two people being together simply to satisfy their sexual desires. In fact, that’s more instinctive and predatory—and in a world with so many herbivore-type men, it might even make you more attractive.
The moment you decide it’s empty, maybe empty sex is all you’ll be able to have.
③
After writing ① and ②, I thought, “Wow, this is really complicated,” but personally, I don’t think this is a question that can be answered simply by agreeing or disagreeing.
I don’t know whether it’s love or something else, but if you have the desire to make your partner feel good, then I think there are genuine feelings in that moment, and it isn’t empty.
Even if it’s only for that moment, you focus on your partner, watch their reactions, and enjoy yourself too.
(Your own pleasure can also help satisfy your partner.)
If sex involves that kind of consideration, then even if the time together is short, I think there’s some kind of love—or something similar—in it.
If you still feel empty even during that brief time, then it’s no different from having sex with a masturbator. And if you think that would feel even emptier, perhaps you’re not feeling empty because your partner is a woman who isn’t alive, but because you feel empty about being unable to find a woman yourself.
*Defining “brief sex” is a little difficult, but I consider pillow talk and sleeping together to be part of sex too. In that sense, it might not actually be short in terms of time.
So, yes—this is just my personal opinion.
Other
Yeah (T_T) I feel like “キルドレオオサカ” is just empty, so I want you to quit. If that’s how you feel, you don’t have to do it.
🏅 手コキ評論家
入会して8年。いまだ彷徨中です
Age: 60s
👨 Male
Universe member
It’s obvious you’re going to get attacked from all sides for asking a question like this, but I have to admire your spirit of challenge.
If I were to answer with plenty of sarcasm, I’d ask: Doesn’t the person who posted this feel pathetic for asking such a brain-dead question?
When Christian missionaries came to Japan, there was a problem finding a translation for “love.” In Japanese at the time, translating it as 愛 implied something sexual. So they came up with ご大切, meaning “to value someone dearly.” Joe isn’t a Christian, but I think the important thing is whether he can treat women with care. That’s why the allowance matters. At least I can say that I treat Erotic Jou and G-chan with care, so I don’t feel empty about it. Thankfully, I believe both of them care about Joe, too.
A～Dまで一通りオファーの経験あり、多くても月１程度でLINEはスケジュール調整のみ、スマートに無理なく長期交際するスタイルです。
Age: 50s
👨 Male
Universe member
It’s not empty at all.
I pride myself on being good at foreplay, so hearing that someone had their first orgasm thanks to me going down on her makes me happy—and I really enjoy it.
I did marry for love, and I’d like to think I know what sex with love feels like. But does the person asking the question even know what sex with love is in the first place?
For women, whether they’re truly in love definitely shows in how wet they get. As for me, being in love didn’t make that much difference—though maybe I’m just insensitive…
Age: Private
👨 Male
Universe member
Especially. What is love, anyway? I do like the person I’m dating.