The papa I’ve been seeing for over six months suggested taking a trip. I wasn’t particularly excited about it, but I thought that since a trip would mean spending much more time together than usual, maybe my allowance would be doubled. So I replied that I’d love to go, too.
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After that, he told me he had booked the inn and plane tickets, but…
He said that since the inn and flights would cost ¥100,000 per person, he would put the equivalent of the two allowances he usually gives me toward that instead.
What? Not only is my allowance not being doubled—I’m expected to pay out of pocket!?
Is it okay to just tell him clearly that I don’t want to go after all?
Actually, I’m so disappointed in him that I don’t even feel like seeing him anymore.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂Not stated👑Universe female member
I just read the question below, and if two allowances are being put toward the trip, that means she’ll be seeing him twice afterward without receiving any allowance—in other words, she’ll be paying out of pocket.
I’m disappointed in that papa (a male supporter), too. At this rate, I imagine the Christmas and birthday presents will be counted toward her allowance as well. Maybe even the return gift for Valentine’s Day.
Most women doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) probably aren’t going to like a papa (a male supporter) who’s stingy with his allowance. If I were bad about paying allowances, I doubt the women I’ve dated in the past—or the one I’m seeing now—would like me this much either.
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That’s fine. Don’t leave things half-finished—be clear and unambiguous.
The chances are slim, but if your papa genuinely regrets what he did, please forgive him, regardless of whether you decide to go or not.
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As others have said, if your papa (a male supporter) is paying for your travel expenses, then you’re not really paying out of pocket…
If you’re not feeling motivated because there’s no allowance, I think it’s best to turn him down as soon as possible. There may also be cancellation fees involved…
Personally, if I liked the papa, I’d be happy to go even without an allowance! Though, since I receive a monthly arrangement from him, I guess you couldn’t really say there’s no allowance.
If you want him to cover your travel expenses and still pay you an allowance, it might be worth being honest with him—even if you’re prepared for the relationship to end. That way, you may get a better sense of how he really feels.
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I’m a female member, Potassium.
As Rin said, that isn’t coming out of your own pocket, lol. Why are you calling it self-paid?
And, to be blunt: you got carried away by your own desire to make money, made a strategic mistake because you weren’t thinking clearly enough, and now you’re saying you want to turn it down? What kind of woman can’t take responsibility for her own words?
I feel sorry for the papa (a male supporter), too, so wouldn’t it be better for both of them to break things off?
In my case, I’d go. I’d try it once, and if I decided it was impossible, that would be the end of it. You might discover a new side of him, and maybe you could even create an opportunity to increase your allowance in the future!
Oh, I’m on a monthly arrangement, so we can meet as often as we want. I want to go on dates, and I don’t think in terms of an hourly rate.
The more time you spend together, the more you come to understand each other (and I make an effort to deepen that understanding). As long as the papa doesn’t get bored, things stay stable emotionally and in every other way, so I don’t chase short-term gains.
Well, between my feelings and my allowance, this relationship has already brought me nothing but benefits in life.
He’s a very typical stable salaryman, but I never stop putting in effort. That part is non-negotiable.
Maybe if you try turning the crisis—or opportunity—you brought upon yourself into something positive, you’ll come out of it having grown.
That’s just my personal opinion.
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If you don’t want to see him again, be prepared to end things and play dumb by saying something like, “Wait, you mean I’m supposed to pay for myself?”
He might give you an allowance—or he might not. Either way, if you’re never going to see him again, it doesn’t matter. I think it’s fine to be that bold.
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“I’ll put the equivalent of the two allowances I usually give you toward that,” he replied.
A man asking something like that is going to make for a pretty boring trip (unless he’s saying that and planning to surprise you and make you happy afterward… otherwise).
Men like that can only see women and everything else in terms of allowance—just money and payment for something—so you’re better off breaking things off quickly.
Besides, whether you even want to go on the trip should depend on how you feel about it.
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If you’re going to end things anyway, don’t say anything that could cause unnecessary conflict.
I think it’s best to message him, “I can no longer go on the trip,” and then block him.
There are papas who feel the same way about traveling, so if the subject of a trip comes up, make sure to ask clearly, “What will my allowance be for the trip?”
If you wouldn’t go without an allowance, I think it’s best to simply say, “I have plans and can’t make it.”
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I don’t have this issue since overnight trips are a no-go for me, but if it were me, I’d be happy to be taken on a trip.
You don’t mean you’d have to pay out of pocket, right?! He’d be covering the costs, wouldn’t he? “Paying out of pocket” means paying for the travel expenses yourself, doesn’t it?
He’ll be paying for the trip, and presumably covering everything else too—meals, transportation, and so on. In that case, he’s the one paying out of pocket, not you.
The allowance is a separate issue. If you don’t want to go on the trip without an allowance, you should tell him that. Or, to begin with, you could simply decline the trip.
If you’re prepared to end things, I think you should tell him, “I can’t go unless I receive the allowance separately from the travel expenses.” Since you were the one who said, “I want to go!” I think you should try going at least once!
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