I’ve met several papas so far, and I’m currently seeing four of them.
One of them is someone I have an adult relationship (intimate) with, but he gives me the lowest allowance.
We’ve known each other for three months, but due to special circumstances, he’s the type of person who takes a very long time during intimacy. It’s starting to become painful for me, and lately I feel more like I don’t want to see him than I do.
My inability to say no has worked against me. I couldn’t negotiate properly when we discussed the allowance, so I just agreed to what he offered, and things have continued that way. I feel like this is bad for my mental health, and I want to end the relationship.
Because of his personality, no matter what I say, he always thinks positively, and I feel like I’m not allowed to refuse him.
(When he asked me if there were any foods I disliked, I told him. Then he said, “But maybe you’d like it if you tried it now? Everything is an experience!” and took me to a restaurant specializing in food I don’t like…)
I’ve also talked to him about the allowance. I told him, “My other papas give me this much without an adult relationship (intimate), so I’d rather not continue under these terms,” but he replied, “The other papas pay more than me, yet you won’t be intimate with them! That means you love me!” I was completely speechless at his positivity and couldn’t say anything.
What should I say when breaking things off with a papa so that he’ll understand?
For now, I’ve been putting off our next meeting by vaguely saying that I don’t know my schedule yet, but he sends me “good morning” messages every day, and it’s getting exhausting.
I’d appreciate any advice, no matter how small…
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
※I edited this because one of the answers mentioned someone by name.
As for the main issue, I think you should work on getting better at saying no. There will likely be more situations in the future where someone tries to push you in a direction you don’t want to go.
For this person, I think it’s enough to send a message via LINE or similar saying:
“As I mentioned before, continuing to see each other for the current allowance is difficult for me, so I won’t be able to meet you anymore. Thank you.”
Then you can leave it at that.
If you think you might end up meeting them again just because they insist, you can simply block them. That way, you won’t receive any more replies from them.
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The opening line of Nana Ayase’s answer is absolutely killing me—I’m laughing so hard, lol. Mr. ○○ is going to live on forever in everyone’s memories. Honestly, I think that makes for better, genuinely funny content, so maybe it’s best to leave things as they are. If he’s considering coming back, though, I feel like he should use a different persona. The “Mr. ○○” character has safely flown the nest. A different name would be better next time—how about “Noda No Side”? Actually, I feel like he should step away from the whole winning-and-losing thing for a while. That includes the character setup.
Oh, right—the answer to the question. Sorry. I think simply fading out is fine. You don’t need the other person’s agreement to end things. If they’re the clingy type, just focus on how to distance yourself from them. Say you won’t be able to meet for a while because work is busy or there’s been some trouble with your family—make up whatever reason you like—and then just leave their messages unread.
Going by the question, you seem like a good person, but let’s consider the situation. It’s not the water trade or the sex industry, but you are still doing something outside the norm, aren’t you? In that kind of situation, if this were the sex industry, there wouldn’t be an agency or a bouncer there to protect women. Legally, it’s treated as consensual dating between adults. So you have to protect yourself. I really want you to understand that.
So, to the person asking the question: first, go to Mimiu and personally lower a shrimp into boiling water and kill it. In a sense, that’s an initiation into becoming an assassin. Once you’ve gone through that and return to the dating club, I’m sure all sorts of thoughts will come to you.
Your essence is wonderful, and that won’t change. I’m talking about how to respond to the situation. It’s about how someone as wonderful as you should act to protect themselves in a gray area. You know how they show that video on airplanes before takeoff? Something like, “We don’t expect the plane to crash, but if it does, sorry—put the life vest under your seat over your head and inflate it by blowing into the tube.” This is the same kind of thing.
Taro
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A common line used by male members:
“I’ve been busy with work lately, so I won’t have much time for a while.”
That might work well. Since it’s a standard excuse among male members, wouldn’t they understand?
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I’m not really sure I understand—are you an A-type?
If you’re a B- or C-type and have ongoing dinner-only arrangements with three people, wouldn’t that make you a woman misrepresenting her type?
If you’re an A-type but only became involved in an adult relationship (intimate) with one person, perhaps you simply clicked with him?
But even though you clicked, you seem to be expressing something that sounds like dissatisfaction with that man.
I’m honestly a little confused by the whole situation.
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Actually, I also met a super-positive man through a club. He only interprets things in whatever way suits him, so I don’t think the relationship will change no matter what you say.
Any reason is fine for turning him down. Please prioritize your own feelings.
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You’re kind, but that kindness may end up causing you trouble.
I think it would be best not to make another arrangement and just block him...
Unless there’s some reason you can’t, of course.
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That relentlessly upbeat older guy… Please block and delete him before your stress rises higher than Mount Everest.
By the way, some people send me a new LINE registration request even after I’ve blocked and deleted them. One person sent it a third time after I’d blocked and deleted him twice. I eventually gave in and told him being friends was okay.
What do you even call this? It feels like borderline stalking.
When I asked what he liked about me, he said it was my kisses and the look on my face when I was eating something delicious.
I wonder what it is about you that he likes so much.
When something about you really gets under a man’s skin and he can’t let go, this is what can happen. Be careful.
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He seems like an utterly self-centered, carefree guy, so I doubt he’ll bring anything positive to your life going forward.
You don’t have to stay in a relationship that only causes you stress.
I think it’s perfectly fine to block him.
Akari
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There are probably several ways to handle this, but Joe’s recommendation is to send a brief message saying that you’d like to end the relationship. Don’t write the real reason you want to break things off. Keep it short—that’s the key. Aim for around 50 characters when drafting it, though it can be even shorter. If you get an aggressive response, block him. Usually, that’s enough, but if anything more happens, don’t hesitate to take action. You may also want to consider consulting the Community Safety Division at a reasonably large police station near you.
You may not know this, but on pages visible to male members, female members are sometimes described with phrases like, “This woman is prepared to go all the way.” Generally, people assume that “being prepared” here means “being prepared to take off her pants,” but Joe sees it differently. Properly saying goodbye to an old guy you don’t want to see anymore, as in your case, also takes resolve. Though, of course, it’s perfectly fine to block him without saying anything.
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Since they seem like the kind of person who won’t listen no matter what you say, why not block them or continue ignoring them?
Maybe they think they can do whatever they want because you’re not good at saying no. But if you were a woman they truly valued, I don’t think they would treat you that way. I think you should end things with them.
Your question doesn’t mention them having your personal information, knowing where you work, or knowing where you live, so I assume that isn’t the case. If so, then if you don’t like what’s happening, you need to make that clear through your own actions.
It doesn’t sound like this is a papa you need to keep being nice to. If you have other papas, I don’t really understand what there is to worry about.
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