This may not apply to many of the intelligent and considerate female respondents here, but as a relationship with a man gets longer and more comfortable, is it common for her to check social media more often during meals or take longer to reply on LINE?

Not during meals, no. On longer dates, though, they might say, “I just got a work message—let me reply,” or “Let me make a call.” If someone who used to reply quickly on LINE starts taking longer, I assume something else has become a higher priority. But if the relationship itself is still good, it might mean they’ve let their guard down—or, in a positive sense, that they’ve simply become more comfortable with you. Marika

I’m a little hesitant to answer, but I try not to look at my phone while eating. I don’t think it’s good manners, so I avoid it as much as possible. That said, I might check it if I find a place like this or if it relates to something the other person is talking about. As for replying, I can’t check my phone while I’m working, so I’ll send messages outside of work hours. Sometimes my replies may be delayed, and I hope that’s understandable.

If that’s just how she’s been from the start, then I can understand it. But if she’s on her phone that much, there’s no way her replies are genuinely slow. Since she’s always checking it, she should usually respond within seconds. She’s simply ignoring you. When an attractive woman joins a club, she’ll often put messages from her club papa on the back burner—or leave them unread—while she’s with you. Even if someone uses their phone a lot, I think it’s better to have a relationship where you don’t worry about exactly how much they’re using it. And having replies that are even slower than phone notifications is incredibly stressful. Young people these days reply insanely fast. Sometimes they respond within the few seconds between me sending a message and putting my phone away, so I don’t notice it and accidentally leave them on read, only realizing it later.

If she’s using her phone during dinner, she already doesn’t take you seriously—she thinks you won’t cut ties no matter what she does. Also, where do you think you rank among the men she’s seeing? Maybe you should consider making a new offer or increasing her allowance.

Someday, I’d love to be able to say, “Oh wow~ ( ´>▽<` )ゞ You’re making me blush~.” I’m Potassium (a female member), though I’m not particularly bright or tactful. I hardly ever check social media while eating. I might do it when my papa (a male supporter) steps away from the table, but… The reason I don’t check my phone during meals is that I’m enjoying the conversation, so I don’t have the spare attention to look at my phone. My conversations with my papa aren’t limited to work—we exchange opinions on all kinds of topics, so my brain is working at full speed… It might also be important to find out what the woman is actually looking at on her phone during the meal. Maybe she simply has a habit of checking it, or maybe it would be better to understand why she’s doing it—whether she’s gotten too comfortable with the relationship, is looking for something to talk about, or whatever the case may be. As for taking a long time to reply on LINE, I’ve mentioned this in a previous answer, but it happens fairly often when my mood fluctuates. When that happens, I try to let them know by saying something like, “I’ll reply later!” My papa worries when my LINE replies take too long, so I make a point of responding to that consideration. If the questioner is worried about what’s happening in the current relationship—whether it’s the complacency that comes with getting used to each other, or simply the woman’s personality—I feel like the dissatisfaction will only continue to grow. If you still want to spend a long time with her, even if this is the kind of relationship it is, I think you should stick with the positive outlook you currently have. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. But if you still find yourself thinking, “Even so…,” perhaps finding another woman you can divide your feelings between would help you maintain your peace of mind. In the world of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I feel that seeing multiple partners isn’t necessarily only for your own benefit. It can also be for the women’s sake, so that you don’t expect too much from any one woman. That’s just my personal opinion, of course, so there are certainly arguments both for and against it.

Recently, a younger female colleague at work came to me for advice about her husband. From my perspective, he’s emotionally immature, gets worked up easily, and is selfish. But in a way, you could also say he’s honest. He has the irreplaceable emotions I’ve lost. On the other hand, I asked my colleague, “Then what do you think of someone like me—someone who’s constantly walking on eggshells around his wife, never says what he really thinks, and doesn’t show his emotions? In a way, that’s just lying.” She replied, “I wouldn’t like that either.” So this smartphone issue is the same kind of thing: it’s a matter of choosing between two options.

Some girls were slow to reply on LINE from the start, but I’ve never dated anyone who became even slower or who frequently checked social media—or their phone in general—during meals. The women I’ve dated have ranged from their early to late twenties. You seem to recognize that you’re telling yourself to take it positively, but I don’t think the presence or absence of tension has anything to do with this issue. Of course, there are cases where it’s simply the other person’s personality or their fault. However, I also think there are many cases where the man’s behavior or the overall treatment—including the allowance—is part of the problem. In my case, if someone is important to me, both my attitude and the way I treat her naturally improve as our relationship deepens. I think you should also reflect on whether there might be anything problematic about your own behavior. If she isn’t someone you feel willing to go that far for, you may be better off ending things—or accepting her current attitude and continuing the relationship.

I’m not as articulate or thoughtful as the other women answering, so I feel a little awkward weighing in, but… I reply to LINE messages right away unless I’m at work! I don’t check social media while I’m eating, because I don’t feel it’s something I need to do during a meal. That’s not because they’re my papa (a male supporter)—I’m the same way with everyone. Your partner may have initially thought, “I shouldn’t behave that way,” but perhaps she’s gotten used to being with you and feels comfortable enough to let her natural self show. Being together has started to feel normal to her. That said, since this isn’t an ordinary relationship, I think maintaining a little sense of tension is important too. If it doesn’t bother you, I think it’s fine to leave things as they are. But since you felt the need to ask, perhaps there’s something about it that’s been bothering you.

I don’t think that’s particularly common. It’s probably a matter of her letting her guard down, so why not try creating a little distance—for example, by spacing out your meetings more? If she genuinely likes you, including the allowance you provide, she may notice the change and naturally adjust her attitude.