How many offers did it take before you met someone you wanted to continue seeing?
This content is machine-translated.
I’m in my late 20s to early 30s and a Type C. I’ve received four offers so far.
I’m probably Standard or Gold, and I don’t have anything particularly outstanding about me.
So I don’t get many offers, and I don’t expect to receive a lot more going forward.
I feel it would be a waste to decide whether to move on to an adult relationship (intimate) based solely on the allowance amount, so I generally agree to whatever amount the men offer.
I moved on to an adult relationship (intimate) with three men. I only turned down men who wouldn’t use a condom. All of them gave me an allowance of 40,000 yen. Compared with my salary, that’s three days’ worth of pay. I think it’s a substantial amount.
But the sexual chemistry didn’t work with any of the three. The reasons varied: one man had preferences I couldn’t accept, such as not showering and spanking; another took so long during penetration that I felt pain and had to give up; and another had bad breath and body odor that I couldn’t handle. These were all things I couldn’t have known without moving on to an adult relationship (intimate), and I think they were simply compatibility issues. I don’t blame the men, and I don’t think I was necessarily at fault either, though there may have been things I could have done better.
Still, I can’t help wondering whether there’s something wrong with me for saying goodbye to all four men despite receiving four offers.
I’ve always thought my sex life was pretty ordinary. We shower, have foreplay—each other’s genitals and preferred areas, but no anal play—put on a condom, and then have intercourse, finishing after about 10 minutes, give or take. We take a break while chatting a little, then shower again. I don’t get spanked.
Is this too vanilla?
If I want to receive an allowance, should I put up with some things and accommodate a man’s preferences? Should I endure it even if I’m in pain inside? Should I tolerate bad breath or body odor, thinking that it goes both ways?
Since we’re not having sex because we like each other, is some degree of putting up with things simply necessary?
When I think about why I signed up in the first place, it was for the money. But I still want to choose my partners and enjoy sex.
Yet I can’t enjoy it. There’s no guarantee that the next offer will be a fateful encounter. For all I know, I may not even receive any more offers.
Should I just give up on papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? Is three men still too small a sample to make that judgment?
I’ve been agonizing over this lately.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
Not showering,
not using protection,
and bad breath are definitely tough to deal with.
As for being spanked on the backside from behind, some women do find that exciting, so I sometimes do it lightly too, depending on how things feel.
There are all kinds of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I think you should do whatever feels right to you.
If this were sex work, you might have to put up with it, but this isn’t a brothel, so you don’t have to endure anything you don’t want to. Of course, you can also choose to put up with it and get your allowance. It’s entirely up to you.
Hopefully, you’ll get an offer from a wonderful papa…
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You really did end up meeting a difficult one.
That said, I feel like there are actually quite a lot of people like that in these clubs. Truly nice—or even just normally gentlemanly—men seem to be relatively rare. From what I’ve heard from women in these arrangements, there may be plenty of men at the same level as the one you encountered.
If it isn’t working out, I think you should end things rather than force yourself to put up with it. However, if you’re in a difficult financial situation, it might be okay to keep one person around until you find someone better. Still, I think you should tell him what you don’t like.
My very first arrangement was outside a club, and he ended up being my first and only partner for quite some time. Since I was using apps and other methods, and it was my first time, I think I met around 30–40 people over two or three months. He was also the only person I met a second time, and the only person I had an adult relationship with.
At the club, the first person I made an offer to became a long-term partner. I didn’t make any more offers for about six months, then after ending things with the girl I had met outside the club, I made one more offer and entered another long-term relationship.
Maybe I’ve simply been lucky with the club, or perhaps you need to meet a fair number of people before finding someone good. Then again, the next person you meet might turn out to be a good one.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
> Are you just not very passionate?
Not at all.
That said, this is different from being with a romantic partner—where physical compatibility often transcends the issue and hardly matters—so the man will also want to find out what your true physical compatibility is like.
I think it helps if you know what feels best or better for you, because that can heighten his excitement too. Since you aren’t mutually in love, compatibility makes up most of the equation for the man who is giving you an allowance.
> Is it too soon to make a judgment?
Wait until you meet someone with whom things feel naturally and effortlessly compatible.
Even while waiting for that opportunity, if you aren’t genuinely getting into it, the man may find it boring. In that case, even if you want to continue, there’s a chance the arrangement won’t last.
> Should I just endure it?
If it hurts even a little, you should say so right away.
Men are happy when a woman is genuinely enjoying herself. On the other hand, it isn’t fun if she seems to be acting or simply putting up with it. Then it just becomes a matter of time passing.
I think it’s best to imagine keeping things brief, with both of you reaching a satisfying finish. If the woman finishes in three minutes and the man in two, those five meaningful minutes can make for more fulfilling sex than something that’s merely long.
Because you aren’t in love with each other, you can actually explore your compatibility and intimacy more deeply.
At a club, women who are too proactive may seem overly experienced and put men off, so the key is how well you respond to and enjoy the man’s lead in exploring things.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I think it took seven offers before I met a woman I could continue seeing.
Things got off to a rough start, with my first offer being rejected and another later being canceled. Still, I figured, “Well, I am an old guy, so I guess that’s how it goes,” and let that year pass.
The following year, I decided to start fresh. Despite being a little older, I was finally able to meet a married woman in her mid-thirties for the first time.
However, after exchanging emails for two or three days, she suddenly said some really hurtful, outrageous things—apparently something I’d said had upset her—and told me goodbye.
I thought I’d try someone a little younger, so I met a woman in her early thirties. She turned out to be possibly guilty of misrepresenting her relationship type.
That’s when I realized I couldn’t find anyone on my own, so I turned to the club and asked them to arrange an introduction.
They introduced me to a woman in her early twenties, which really surprised me. Looking at her photo, I thought, “She’s so young!”
When I asked if she was okay with seeing me, she replied, “Yes!” (lol)
I thought, “All right, let’s see this through,” and we’re still together now—four years and counting.
I once told her I’d massage her small breasts to help make them bigger, but she kept running away, saying no, and never listens to what papa says.
Well, she’s somewhere between the age of my children and grandchildren, so I suppose that’s just how it is. I’ve more or less given up. (Tears)
Sorry for getting a little off track, but in my case, she was the third person I actually met.
I’m sure there are good people out there, so narrow down what you’re looking for and keep searching patiently.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You really did end up dealing with quite a pervert, didn’t you?
I hope your backside is okay.
I think your sense of what’s normal in bed is probably perfectly ordinary.
That makes me realize just how much of a pervert my previous partner must have been.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m still waiting too (⸝⸝›_‹⸝⸝).
I’m just taking my time and waiting patiently. I don’t think there’s any need to rush—I’m sure you’ll eventually find someone you really click with, someone you can comfortably say no to when something doesn’t feel right!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Of course, it’s fine to cut off the weird ones. But when you need a little extra money, you don’t have to cut everyone off—you can teach them how to behave.
Tell them firmly, “Don’t slap my butt.”
Say, “I won’t do it unless you take a shower.”
That level of boundary-setting is easy enough, isn’t it?
My arrangement with my first papa has lasted three and a half years now.
You see, men search desperately through tons of options when they’re looking for their first arrangement.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
That sounds like a truly painful experience from start to finish.
You’re neither being selfish nor unreasonable. Not being compatible in terms of preferences is a dealbreaker, and basic hygiene—like not smelling bad—is something people in a dating club should understand is simply a matter of etiquette.
You’re still very young, so you don’t have to put up with things just because you receive an allowance, and there’s no need to become pessimistic.
The person who means the most to me is someone I was introduced to after leaving Universe Club. And the papa (a male supporter) I genuinely like is someone who approached me after I’d settled down a bit.
You really don’t need to make papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) such a major part of your life, and you absolutely, truly don’t need to measure your own worth by what happens in the papa-katsu world—not even by a millimeter.
Akari
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
Starting with the first one: I’ve actually been seeing that woman for three years now.
But I think I was simply lucky.
I do have the kind of sex described here, but I’d say I’m somewhat on the less passionate side.
I think meeting someone you can genuinely enjoy sex with probably takes more than just three partners. Personally, I’d say it’s about one in ten to twenty.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You sound almost like a single mother in her 40s, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders—but you’re still in your 20s.
If you don’t think you’ll lose heart even if you receive several more offers and go through the same kind of thing again, why not continue for now?
I’ve been seeing my favorite papa for about a year and a half, but for me, he was the tenth offer—or maybe even later. For him, I was the first offer after he joined a different dating club.
I think it’s perfectly normal to want the money, while still wanting to choose your partner and enjoy yourself.
If you’d be struggling to afford even tomorrow’s meals without your papa’s allowance, your level of resolve might be different, though.
Maybe it’s best to take it easy—so easy that you almost forget you’re registered with the club. Accept offers when they come, and turn them down if you’re not interested.
Marika
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
You’ve really had the misfortune of running into some awful people…
A few years ago, I was registered with two dating clubs, including Universe (I was listed as a “secret” member and didn’t appear in the women’s listings, so I didn’t receive many offers).
Between the two clubs, I met around 25 papas, and I think about five of those relationships lasted more than a year. Sorry, my memory is a little hazy.
I’m still seeing the two papas I genuinely liked the most, and coincidentally, they were among the last offers I received.
So you don’t have to force yourself. And you’re not cold or lacking in emotion, either. I’m pretty similar, and I think that’s perfectly normal.
I also met all kinds of people: strange papas who exposed me online, ones who forgot to give me my allowance, those who wouldn’t practice safe sex, men with poor personal hygiene, and ones who suddenly lost their temper out of jealousy. But as I mentioned above, I also met some wonderful people.
Please don’t push yourself, and trust your instincts. If you’re not comfortable, it’s okay to quit. Until you meet someone you genuinely like, make your physical and emotional well-being your top priority.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
So, when you say Gold or Standard, I assume that means you received an offer from a Gold-tier man?
If you received offers from four men, I certainly don’t think you’re lacking anything special.
That said, of the four, one wanted to go without protection, while the other three dropped out because of their kinks, bad breath, or overly long sessions. First of all, you’ve really been through a lot.
I don’t think you’re particularly unadventurous. It might be a little lacking in excitement if it’s always like that, though. But overall, it sounds like pretty standard intimacy.
You’re not necessarily going to find a man who suits you right away, so unless you can agree to compromise on certain things, it’s difficult to keep doing this for long.
Good luck!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
