Even though we've become intimate, we still haven't really grown closer.
When we sit on the sofa, she leaves about one person's worth of space between us. She won't move closer unless I say, “Come here.”
I understand that she's in it for the money, but personally, I work out to maintain my figure, take measures against body odor and remove unwanted hair, and visit the dentist to prevent bad breath. I'm not perfect, but I do make an effort.
I want to take our time talking on the sofa, not just have an intimate relationship, but she rarely makes time for that.
As soon as we sit on the sofa, she says things like, “Okay, let's get the bath running!”—she clearly seems eager to leave.
I'm starting to wonder whether I'll really be able to grow closer to her and become good friends.
Sometimes I get irritated because she seems to be the one controlling the whole flow of things.
Once, I asked her, “Do you really have to hurry home?” and she replied, “It's okay,” but...
Since this is a pay-per-meeting arrangement with an allowance of 70,000 yen, I feel she shouldn't be in such a rush.
Am I simply inexperienced for expecting to have relaxed conversations together on the sofa?
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂50s👑Member of another dating club
Today’s answers are great（笑）
Especially Dai’s:
> I feel like the reason he’s getting irritated is that he’s already paying an allowance of 7 each time.
So good, so good（笑）
And Rin’s:
> Maybe he just doesn’t want to sit on the sofa and take his time talking.
That one’s great too（笑）
Makeotoko’s:
> When you fully commit to being a papa, the distance between you shrinks; when you act like a man, the distance only grows.
That’s a masterpiece.
As for me:
Well, that’s just how it is.
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Even offering 10 per meeting probably wouldn’t change the outcome.
For starters, you shouldn’t sit right next to her on the sofa. I wouldn’t do that even with a girl I give 20 per meeting.
The farther apart you sit, the closer you become emotionally; the closer you sit physically, the more emotional distance grows.
If you fully commit to being a papa (a male supporter), the distance closes. If you start acting like a man pursuing her, the distance widens.
This is Dating 101, yet you’re doing the exact opposite, aren’t you? You need to drill the basics into yourself. Sitting next to a girl on the sofa is an advanced move that even I—someone experienced at charming women—rarely attempt.
Study women’s feelings much, much more. There’s a mountain of things you can do. You’re nowhere near prepared.
Picking up women is a science.
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Maybe she simply doesn’t want to sit on the sofa and have a relaxed conversation. Why not try seeing someone else for now and find out what other women are like?
If the allowance is ¥70,000 per meeting, does that mean you shouldn’t get intimate? For her, ¥70,000 per meeting may be enough to make her feel that way. Of course, there are also people who pay more than that, so I think it’s problematic to assume that someone receiving ¥70,000 per meeting will agree to anything.
Since you say she’s being considerate, maybe she isn’t such a bad person—but I can’t really say, since I’ve never met you. Still, I think it’s a good thing that she’s being considerate, so I hope you’ll continue treating her that way. I hope you find someone with whom you can have a mutually comfortable arrangement.
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Maybe it’s a matter of experience.
Rather than issues like body shape or bad breath, I get the feeling that the questioner’s desires and inner thoughts may be what women find burdensome.
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I think the reason may be that you’re getting irritated, thinking, “I’m paying 70,000 yen per meeting, so why...?”
I don’t think any woman will want to approach a man who seems irritated.
You may not realize it yourself, but women are surprisingly perceptive and can pick up on it.
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How many months have you been seeing each other?
If things have stayed this way for months, you should say goodbye.
I don’t think you two can become close.
Choosing someone based on looks and youth rarely ends well.
I think you should know your place.
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Rather than dating someone who only irritates you, I think it would be more productive to keep making offers until you find someone who matches your ideal, as Aya suggested.
Judging from the question, it doesn’t seem like the gap between you is going to close.
Also, ¥70,000 per pay-per-meeting arrangement isn’t such a significant amount that it would create a major difference, and I don’t give the women I see the same amount or more with that kind of expectation in mind.
That difference may be why I’m treated differently from the way you’re being treated.
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Isn’t it different for every woman? From the questioner’s perspective, I wonder if her sex or appearance is exceptionally good.
Maybe you’re getting irritated because you’re comparing everyone to just one person. Why not make offers to other women and experience dating them as well?
One of my monthly arrangements has been pretty much the same even after three years. She’s probably not good at, or comfortable with, being affectionate. She’s pretty, has a great figure, and is tight down there. The adult relationship is never half-hearted, but we don’t have those kinds of conversations, and there’s no pillow talk either. But that’s fine with me. I’m satisfied.
I simply see it as part of her personality. If I tried to get too close, we’d probably part ways. She’s attractive enough that I’d be the one getting cut off.
Another woman I see monthly reaches for my hand while we’re walking around. (Sometimes I shake her off because I’d rather she didn’t, haha.) She talks nonstop, takes forever to leave, and suggests things like going to karaoke after our adult relationship.
She’s average-looking and has an average figure, but she’s charming. She doesn’t have much technique, but she’s very sensual and reaches climax a lot, so I have a great time with her.
Of course, having both qualities would be ideal, but there’s no such thing as a perfect woman. So why not enjoy dating multiple women?
With the latter woman, I made offers several times before I finally found her. Sorry for bragging.
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I think that’s simply how it is for you. You can’t go any further than that.
Papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) doesn’t count as a dating history with the opposite sex, so things won’t progress beyond that.
I think there must be some major issue on your end—especially your initial vibe and perhaps your scent.
That said,
> You leave enough space for one person when sitting on the sofa.
Wouldn’t you end up sitting right next to each other once you go to a love hotel?
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If you’re already paying that much attention to your appearance, I think it ultimately comes down to compatibility.
One of my papas is the type who often gets turned down—or rather, people tend to be put off because he comes across as an inscrutable science guy.
According to a true story he told me, he once deliberately took off his wedding ring for a date, only to be mistaken for a “single papa who would fall seriously in love” and have the other person run away.
But for some reason, that was exactly the kind of thing I found attractive about him. He was sexy once he got undressed, and we had amazing physical chemistry, but more than anything, I simply liked how kind he was. Apparently, that kindness came across as creepy to other girls, but all I could think was, “They really don’t know how to judge people.” He’s such an ideal supporter.
So my advice is to keep making offers until you meet someone you’re compatible with. You might also want to go premium and ask your concierge for advice. That’s apparently how my papa ended up making me an offer.
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> Am I just too inexperienced for expecting this?
It’s not that you’re inexperienced for having expectations. I think you’re inexperienced when it comes to how to act in a hotel.
First of all, since things aren’t going the way you want, you should recognize that you’re basically a beginner—not advanced or even intermediate.
And yet, you keep making arrogant comments like:
“Because I only pay 70,000 yen per meeting,”
or
“I’m not perfect, but I am making an effort.”
It makes me think talking to you would probably be exhausting.
I’d like you to always maintain a more humble attitude, such as:
“Maybe it’s because I can only offer 70,000 yen per meeting.”
“Maybe some things are difficult to achieve through effort alone.”
With that in mind, one approach for a beginner would be to say:
“I’d like to have about ten minutes of conversation afterward, so I’d appreciate it if we could do just that.”
Women aren’t monsters. She should be willing to accommodate you for about ten minutes.
And if she’s enjoying herself during those ten minutes, the conversation will probably continue even after the ten minutes are up.
If she isn’t enjoying herself, she’ll probably get up right around the ten-minute mark.
Since you’re a beginner, it will probably end right at ten minutes. But I recommend gradually building up your experience through repeating those ten-minute conversations.
> When we sit on the sofa, she says things like, “Okay, let’s run the bath!”
I think there may be some issue with you, the questioner. I don’t know exactly what it is, but she clearly seems unwilling to sit on the sofa with you.
You might want to figure out what’s causing that.
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If you’re thinking, “I’m getting 70,000 yen pay-per-meeting, but still…” then perhaps you’re starting to feel that he isn’t worth that much to you.
Rather than saying, “Come over,” why not try closing the gap yourself when there’s an empty space beside him, or telling him, “I’d like to take it easy and talk today,” and see how he responds?
If you still don’t feel like you’re getting any closer, let it go and look for someone else you can talk with comfortably.
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