I’m the person who posted this question:
https:\/\/universe-club.jp\/help\/questions\/view\/14300
I knew it was a long shot, but following Maezawa-san’s advice, I messaged him on LINE: “I’m short on money, so I’d like to see you again soon for an adult relationship (intimate).”
He replied, “I can’t have an adult relationship (intimate) with you anymore. We can only meet for meals or coffee, as before. Of course, I’ll continue to pay for your meals and drinks, but I can’t give you any money.” (After I told him how I felt, we had met twice for coffee or meals without anything adult.)
Normally, I would think, “If I can have a meal with someone I like and have him pay, I’d be happy to see him even without receiving any allowance.”
But because I have feelings for him, there’s a chance I might eventually start thinking, “I want to have sex with him too. I like him, so I want to see him more.” To avoid making myself feel even more pathetic, I sent him: “I used to like you, and I enjoyed spending time with you. It seems you dislike me, so I won’t see you anymore. Thank you for everything.” Then I blocked him on LINE.
When I asked my friends for advice, they said, “If someone you like is willing to treat you, that’s great. Why did you block him? What a waste.” But in the world of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I didn’t make the wrong decision, did I?
I’m sad now, but wouldn’t choosing to “put up with it and keep seeing someone I like even though I’m not receiving any money, only having meals with him, and not being able to have sex” just make me suffer even more?
I know this may sound like I’m leading the answer, but please share your opinions—even if you disagree or have a harsh take.
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
The man was already at the point where he would have been fine ending things at any time. It was more like I gave him the final push and helped him break things off.
> “I’m short on money, so let’s have an adult relationship (intimate) again sometime soon.”
That line was meant to leave a bad impression and make him break up with me. There was no deeper meaning behind sending it. I simply made him decide to end the relationship.
> “In the world of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), my judgment wasn’t wrong, was it?”
You were wrong. If your feelings were genuine, you said—and asked for—far too many thoughtless, careless things. Stop relying on him so much. Wake up and face your own feelings.
Whether it’s papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) or anything else, if your feelings are genuine, I think you’d say:
> “It’s fine if the person I like treats me, right?”
Before worrying about how the other person feels, it’s important to face yourself and understand your own feelings. If you can’t make up your mind, nothing will get through to the other person, they won’t respond, and things won’t turn out the way you want.
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This time, it would only be a meeting—nothing more. I don’t see any benefit in meeting you if you’re hoping for more than that. I think you made the right decision this time.
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Do you really have to meet him after he said something like that?
He’s insulting you…
Besides, it would be too awkward and embarrassing for me to meet him.
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100 points out of 100. You made the right call.
It’s obvious he was only after free sex. He’s genuinely a terrible guy, so blocking him was absolutely the right decision.
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I don’t think anyone else can decide whether it was right or wrong.
But since you said you were “forcing yourself to meet him,” I think ending it was probably the right choice for you!
You’ve already blocked him, so just put it behind you and treat it as a memory.
By the way, I’m seeing someone I met through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and we hang out without any allowance—he pays for everything. He’s exactly my type and just the right age, and more than anything, I really love his looks, personality, and the way he is in private. Just being with him is so healing. He’s truly an ideal supporter…
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I’m Potassium, a female member.
That turned into quite an unexpected situation, didn’t it?
I guess you couldn’t exactly ask the man why he wanted to do that…
I thought knowing the reason might clear everything up.
I was betting he was married, though. lol
If you were considering dating that man as a regular couple and even getting married someday, you might have been able to continue while looking toward that kind of future. But based on everything I’ve learned from answering questions, I think that, in the world of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), most people would say your choice was the right one. (I’m still learning, though.)
Personally, I don’t think there are objectively right or wrong decisions in the papa-katsu world.
You’re putting too much weight on the label “papa-katsu.”
Whatever kind of relationship it is, if both people are happy with it, I think it’s perfectly fine even if it doesn’t really look like papa-katsu.
What matters is that, after making this decision, you think about whether your future self will regret the choice you made—and how much you can reduce the chances of thinking, “I wish I’d done things differently back then.”
I think that’s what will make you happier.
That’s just my personal opinion, though.
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