I’ve been seeing a girl about twice a month for over a year, but lately she’s been putting in less and less effort, so I’m thinking of ending things.
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I’d like to hear opinions from both men and women: in this situation, would it be kinder to her to gradually fade out by giving reasons like being busy, or should I tell her directly by email or LINE?
She’s quite sensitive, and I feel like she might burst into tears if I met her in person to tell her it was over, so if possible, I’d prefer to end things without meeting face-to-face.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂30s👑Universe male member
If you’re thinking about ending things, but the only reason is that he’s been putting in less effort, why not tell him, “Aren’t you cutting corners lately? I’d like you to do things this way”?
Then, depending on how he responds, you can decide whether to end things.
Of course, if he’s simply gotten bored and wants to pursue other women, that’s a different story.
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As Marika-san said, I think the person who’s cutting corners also bears some responsibility, so I don’t think it really matters either way.
I’ve never ended a long-term relationship with someone except because they got married or broke up with me, so honestly, I don’t know which is better.
Maybe I’m just oblivious, but I’ve never felt like someone was taking shortcuts with me, either.
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If I were to end things, I’d say, “I’ve met someone I like more.” That would probably be true anyway.
If it had been a long-term arrangement, I’d give her a bonus as a final thank-you, depending on how close we’d become.
Marriage is hard to end cleanly, so a dating club is the best.
You’re better off searching YouTube for “Sakura Endo crying” than looking at her photobook.
It’s very much aimed at male fans, so women might find it irritating.
I feel like I could end up throwing 100 million yen at her on a pay-per-meeting basis.
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Well, taking shortcuts can also be a sign from her that she’s losing interest in you and would be fine with ending things at any time, so either way is okay.
Marika
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Everyone handles ending an arrangement differently.
You can tell them in person, send them a message on LINE, or simply let things fade out.
I’ve done all of these myself, but if the arrangement had lasted for quite a while, I’d probably avoid fading out.
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You already feel like you’re being taken for granted, don’t you? If so, why not end things without meeting again, using work or family as the reason?
Even if he seems sensitive, he probably won’t cry. At most, there might be tears over losing tens of thousands of yen a month from next month…
So that you can enjoy your relationships more going forward, it might be worth thinking about what caused him to start cutting corners as well.
Akari
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If you’re going to fade out by saying you’re busy, I think it’s fine to simply tell them you’re busy and stop meeting.
Also, unless it’s a matter of compatibility, why not think of ways to make sure they don’t start taking you for granted?
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If she’s cutting corners, I think it’s fine to part ways.
I’m extremely meticulous about preparing for dates and always strive to make my partner 120% satisfied, so on a human level, I’m just not compatible with women who put in minimal effort.
That’s why I end things.
The fact that I offer a generous allowance may also be becoming a reason to call it quits.
Even though my terms should obviously be better than those of other papas, I find myself wondering what she’s even doing.
This may be completely irrelevant, but I can’t stop thinking about Sakura Endo.
I was thinking of buying her photobook, but apparently it hasn’t been released yet.
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I think it’s best to just stay in touch without meeting.
I once received a message saying, “Due to family circumstances, I’ve decided to stop doing this kind of activity.”
I realize it may have just been an excuse to turn me down, but I appreciated the honesty and felt it showed integrity. Of course, I haven’t contacted her since.
I wonder if saying goodbye becomes more difficult the longer you’ve been seeing someone. But if you had a relationship close enough to date in the first place, I think it’s best to part ways with as little resentment or hurt feelings as possible.
If that isn’t possible, then I think all you can do is ignore them. Rather than having someone be awkwardly kind, I can at least take the hint if they ignore me.
That said, it may also be important to first think about why they started cutting corners. Maybe they’re unhappy about something, or perhaps they’ve found another papa (a male supporter). There must be some reason they’re no longer making the same effort.
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> We’ve been seeing each other about twice a month for over a year.
It’s a little disappointing, because this is when her true personality really starts to show and you enter the stage where you can enjoy the relationship even more.
In my case, things are actually better now—after four years—than they were when we first started seeing each other (up until about the first year), haha.
That said, I do sometimes think there may be someone even better out there than the woman I’m currently seeing, haha.
Since I started using the dating club, I haven’t ended things with anyone after beginning an arrangement. But the general consensus seems to be that when people do end things, the usual excuse is that they’re too busy.
The woman probably picks up on it, too…
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I’m female member Potassium.
Good morning!
Here’s my honest opinion.
Without meeting in person, send something along these lines via LINE or email:
“My wife may have found out, and things could get a little difficult. I’ll absolutely protect you so that it doesn’t turn into a claim for compensation, so please don’t worry. However, considering the risks going forward, it wouldn’t be good for either of us to meet. I’ll contact you once things are settled and I have some breathing room.”
I think that would make it clear that you’re ending things.
If he contacts you after that, block him.
It’s helpful when someone is this direct, because it makes it easier to see what lies ahead.
Just my opinion.
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Some people believe that explaining the reason is the kind thing to do, while others believe that not explaining is kinder. There’s no definitive answer as to which is more considerate.
It seems to me that you simply don’t want to be the bad guy, so why not just gradually distance yourself?
If it were me, before bringing up a breakup, I’d tell her how I feel: “Lately, you seem to be letting your guard down, for better or worse.” I’d encourage her to address the issue. I’ve actually said something like that to several people.
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