The single papa in his early 40s whom I told I liked will now only meet me for coffee. It happened right after I told him how I felt.
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He never used to initiate contact and only messaged about logistics, but now he won’t contact me unless I invite him, and even then he asks, “Would coffee be okay?”
Does this mean he’s wary of me? Once things have changed like this, would it be difficult to return to an adult relationship (intimate)?
👤Asked byGuest👩GenderFemale🎂20s👑Universe female member
> Once things have reached this point, do you think it’ll be difficult to go back to an adult relationship (intimate)?
It probably will be difficult, but things were normal before you told him how you felt.
You could give up on pursuing anything romantic and say, “I’ve been struggling financially lately. Would you be willing to resume our adult relationship and give me an allowance?” I think that would be okay.
That said, there’s also a chance it could end the relationship completely, so it’s a tricky situation.
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Well, the thing is, the person asking the question may be a good person, and having dinner with her is enjoyable, but sex with her is boring.
Isn’t she just lying there like a dead fish? Just giving the same predictable reactions and softly moaning “ah, ah”?
So I don’t think she’s worth paying a 50,000-yen allowance for, but I’d be fine with 10,000 yen.
If Sakura Endo asked me to marry her, my brain would probably short-circuit. I might marry her, give her all my money, and then die.
In the presence of Ms. Sakura Endo, I’m less than a bacterium, virus, or microbe before an angel.
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Even if he were married, I’d say that man is fairly sincere. “Fairly” being the key word.
A bad guy would take advantage of your feelings and try to get intimacy for free.
Or maybe, like me, he’s simply “complicated.” I openly say that I want to fall seriously in love, but I recently realized that the moment a woman starts to fall seriously for me, I suddenly lose interest.
My ace is starting to become a little dangerous—in other words, she’s beginning to genuinely fall for me. Normally, that should make me happier than anything.
She’s like Sakura Endo, in Seattle’s terms. But if Sakura Endo genuinely fell for Seattle, I think he’d be like, “Huh?”
Men enjoy chasing after women, but once they’re the ones being chased, they sometimes start thinking, “Wait, what?”
P.S. Paper Airplane’s answer is perfect. Definitely the best answer.
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Simply put, I don’t think he sees you as a woman in that sense.
Just like Shin, the protagonist of *Roppongi Class*, I think he has never viewed you as a woman he could potentially date or marry. (Shin did eventually fall for Aoi because they had always been together.)
If that’s the case, he welcomes your feelings as long as they stay within the scope of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but anything beyond that would make him uncomfortable. If he’s been divorced, he may be even more cautious and better able to assess the situation.
> He was never the type to initiate contact, and only messaged me about practical matters.
I think he probably sees you as someone he doesn’t mind meeting, rather than a favorite. From now on, it may be best to meet only a few more times, or very occasionally.
That’s why men aren’t happy when things go beyond what they expected. They only feel happy about that kind of attention from a favorite partner. Even then, it isn’t easy to openly accept affection from a woman doing papa-katsu—especially since they’re doing papa-katsu themselves. If it’s love within the boundaries of papa-katsu, though, they may welcome it wholeheartedly…
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Female member, Potassium here.
I’m voting for the “he’s married” theory....
Oh, wait—maybe I think that because, somewhere deep down, I believe most men lie as naturally as they breathe...
Oh no... I’ve accidentally revealed something about myself..
Knock on wood, knock on wood...
But as things stand, there’s probably not much the questioner can do. They’ll just have to go with the flow, I guess..
I think digging any deeper would be risky.
That’s just my personal opinion.
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Isn’t that man married?
When I was new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), I hid the fact that I was married. If you assume that man is married too, doesn’t everything make sense?
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> I find it strange that she’s willing to meet for coffee with someone she’s wary of.
My guess is that she’s trying to calm him down and gradually fade out, because she’s worried he might turn into a stalker if she cuts him off too abruptly. It may be easier to understand if you reverse the genders.
P.S.
Could that man be a real ladies’ man who’s had trouble with women becoming stalkers in the past? Maybe that’s why he joined a dating club.
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At this point, I don’t think he’s necessarily wary of you. It’s probably more that, due to personal circumstances, your papa (a male supporter) would prefer to keep things to just tea.
A man who doesn’t turn down your invitations probably doesn’t dislike you, but may want to maintain a healthy distance in a good way.
He sounds like a genuinely respectable man—someone you don’t often come across at a dating club. I can understand why you’ve developed feelings for him.
I think it might be best to keep a little distance while continuing to see each other on good terms. That’s how things are with everyone, but life rarely goes exactly as planned, does it?（笑）
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Only she can say for sure—or maybe even she doesn’t know herself—but I think it would be difficult.
Personally, I find it strange that she’d agree to meet someone she’s wary of, even just for coffee.
Adding this after reading Mac’s answer:
> I imagine she’s trying to calm him down while gradually fading out, because she’s worried that cutting him off too forcefully might turn him into a stalker.
I see. If that’s the reason, it makes sense.
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