How should I handle it if a papa I've been seeing for about two years gets divorced and develops serious feelings for me?

I’m Paper Airplane, and I sometimes worry about what I’d do if my wife ever hit me with a gray divorce. It’s hard to imagine the man she’s seeing genuinely falling in love with her after being in a financially compensated relationship for two years. Even if he had developed real feelings, I think his self-control would still kick in. At most, he’s getting deeply wrapped up in a serious crush within a relationship based on money. The fact that things have gone so well up to now says something. I think she should continue treating him as she always has and just let things play out for the time being. That said, if several unusual signs start piling up and things seem to be accelerating, she needs to firmly warn him and put a stop to it. If she feels he’s even starting to turn into a stalker, she’ll need to put up a very strong wall. And if she feels she can’t put the brakes on things herself, she should seek advice or help from someone else as soon as possible. I’ve heard from young women who were being stalked by men they weren’t even dating. Once someone gets to that point, it doesn’t matter if they’re rejected, disliked, or completely ignored—the situation can become one where, as Early says, there’s no effective way to deal with it. To prevent that, she probably needs to make it absolutely crystal clear that she has no feelings for him—much more harshly than you’d think, maybe five or even ten times stronger than necessary. Oh, and my wife watched a TV program about a British state funeral and said she’d like to visit the UK, so maybe I’m in the clear after all… Hmmm… I’m probably just getting my hopes up…

They’re mostly business owners, and there are two patterns among the men around me. First, there are those who decide that marriage is too much trouble after going through one divorce and want nothing to do with it again. In cases like that, I don’t think there would be any particular problem with handling things the way the female respondents here have suggested. Then there are those who keep getting married over and over. These men love themselves more than anything, so they always put their own feelings ahead of their partner’s. They may go straight into genuine romantic obsession. I don’t think there’s much you can do about it. Though, eventually their feelings will probably cool off again, or they’ll get divorced. Otherwise, they’ll pass away（笑） Please be careful not to let things escalate into stalking.

I can’t say for sure without knowing the reason for the divorce, but if you want to maintain a certain distance, it might be best to give him a reason he won’t get upset about, such as saying you’re busy with work. Keep telling him that you don’t want to get married. If he still doesn’t understand, you may want to reconsider the relationship itself…

For now, make it clear that you’re busy with things other than romance, such as work or hobbies. The easiest way is to focus on your career and appear busy. If they complain about it, respond with something like, “I love my work. It would make me happy if you valued and respected me for who I am.” In other words, while you’re not seeing each other because of work or your personal life, maintain a certain distance—but don’t act cold when you are together. Continue to comfort him as a “professional girlfriend,” just as you have before. However, keep reminding him from time to time in conversation that you don’t want to get married. I think that should work.

If they were already having marital problems and got divorced, I’d probably just wait and see for now. But if they divorced specifically to be with you, I’d honestly be put off and might distance myself. Before his genuine feelings escalate, how about casually saying things like, “I want to focus more on my work” or “I still want to make time for myself going forward,” just to set expectations? Hopefully you can avoid any trouble…

I replied, “You should get away from him. Divorce is serious. He’s practically guaranteed to become a stalker.” But you’d be wise to follow the advice from the female respondents.

If you want to continue seeing him at the current pace, tell him that this pace works well for you if he starts asking you to come over or spend entire days off together. If he accepts that, you can continue as you are, regardless of whether he wants to get married or you don’t. If he can’t accept it, it’s probably best to end things. Be careful, though—if you don’t break things off properly, it could lead to stalking or other trouble. Marika