What kinds of words and actions show that someone has developed genuine feelings? I’m married, but I’ll be careful not to fall seriously in love by dating multiple people and spreading things out!

I’m Marika, and I’m completely, hopelessly in love. When I’m happy, sad, or feel like my feelings aren’t getting through, the tears just come naturally. What I say depends on the situation—if we’re arguing, I complain; if I’m grateful, I say thank you. I’m a pretty intense woman. But he’s just as intense, so we’re a good match. We both cherish and enjoy what we have, even though this relationship can’t develop any further. —Marika

If you start thinking about her constantly, you’re definitely genuinely falling for her. As long as you keep your self-control, I think it’s fine once in a while.

I’m Osaka, a middle schooler. I’m currently pursuing true love in earnest, but it keeps losing definition more and more, lol, so the mystery only deepens, lol. “It’s not that I can’t grow up! I’m choosing not to grow up!” I think I’ll go with that. Maybe I’ll call myself Kildren Osaka, lol. Now, for my answer. Date multiple people and spread things out. In my case, though, it only doubled the emptiness, so it wasn’t for me, lol. Analyzing myself, maybe I simply didn’t have enough partners. I fantasized about whether dating ten or twenty people—having what felt like a date every day—might work, but that’s a strategy where you get so busy you don’t even have time to think. That’s only a fantasy for me, since I don’t have the time, money, or stamina to keep up with it. If you put it another way, I wish I could become Ataru Moroboshi—but come to think of it, he does love Lum the most, doesn’t he? Was that true love, lol? A lazy afternoon spent letting my fantasies run wild, lol. Even so, the Earth keeps turning, lol. I think I’ll go see a movie, lol.

The questioner and I are probably quite different in age and circumstances, but in my case, I treat the women I see very well and genuinely enjoy dating them. That said, catching real feelings isn’t an option in a dating club. Of course, everyone approaches things differently and has different circumstances, so it’s hard to say for sure. Rather than focusing on seeing multiple people, you might find a solution by reconsidering how you approach these relationships.

Seriously falling in love? You don’t need to worry about that. Even if you end up seeing a club girl without giving her an allowance, that’s still different from genuinely falling in love. Why? Because the relationship between the man who gives the money and the woman who receives it is fundamentally different. Even if she wants to see you without needing the money, that still isn’t necessarily love. She’s simply seeing you because there’s something she can offer or gain from the relationship. Since she can no longer receive that benefit if money is involved, you meet without money. That’s all it is. In relationships between men and women involving money, it’s important for the man to believe wholeheartedly that he’s genuinely in love. As long as he maintains a sense of boundaries, the woman can enjoy being admired, feel that the relationship is worth investing in, and the two of them can become mutually captivated and possessive of each other. But if the man’s misunderstanding becomes too strong, the woman feels troubled and has to keep dealing with him while wishing to distance herself as much as possible. In most cases, it ends up becoming the latter—the man’s misunderstanding reaches its maximum and becomes too one-sided. Men’s esthetic salons are similar in that they involve one-on-one conversations in a calm atmosphere within a relationship between a man and a woman involving money. As I wrote in one of my columns, I used to work at a men’s esthetic salon too, so I still have some therapists and women from clubs whom I continue to see without an allowance. But just because a therapist or club girl sees you without an allowance doesn’t mean she’s genuinely in love with you. I’m not genuinely in love with them either—even if we have sex or spend the night together. Not falling genuinely in love at all is probably just part of my personality, though… Also, whether it’s a club or a men’s esthetic salon, you shouldn’t take what women say in money-based relationships at face value. You mustn’t assume that everything they say is sincere. Basically, these relationships involving money are built on the man misunderstanding the situation. That misunderstanding continues because he believes the woman has feelings for him too, and he gradually becomes a generous (well-paying) papa. Believing that she likes you about as much as you like her is important. But from the woman’s perspective, regardless of whether she actually wants it, the man convinces himself that way on his own. She simply goes along with it because that’s what he wants. The more she can gain, the more he gives her, so the structure continues: 99.9% of the man’s misunderstanding keeps reaching its maximum. That’s why a generous papa keeps things going by believing that she has even the slightest feelings for him—0.1%. But in reality, that only applies as long as he continues to satisfy her financially. The stronger his assumptions become, the more calmly the woman is able to view the situation. So, to answer your question: Enjoy becoming completely absorbed in the feeling of being genuinely in love—while of course understanding that money is involved—and don’t spread yourself across multiple relationships. Build a relationship where the other person won’t cut you off, and where neither of you wants to cut the other off. Create a relationship where she feels secure that you won’t leave her, and you don’t have to worry about her losing interest in you. Build that kind of relationship, and enjoy appreciating each other’s appeal. You’re young, so once you no longer have to worry about being cut off, there’s no need to spread yourself across multiple relationships. After that, it comes down to whether you’re the type to get bored easily.

Are you bothered when someone falls seriously in love with you, or do you make sure not to fall seriously in love yourself? Which is it? I’ll answer assuming it’s the former. Other than the monthly parking arrangement, Marika-san very rarely agreed with me on this in the past, so I’ll answer with confidence (though I’m actually trembling): - “She keeps sneaking glances at my profile.” - “She says she doesn’t need an allowance.” The first one (with Marika-san’s agreement) comes as a set with her quickly looking away whenever I notice and look at her. That said, in most cases it stops at “I really love him as my papa,” so the chances that she’s seriously in love with me as a man should be vanishingly small. Humility is important. By the way, “I really love him as my papa” is what I call “gacha-love.” I might get scolded for naming names, but that’s probably the current state of Misora-san, one of the female respondents. It’s not like she’d stop accepting her allowance, after all. True, serious love = sneaking glances at my profile × not needing an allowance. That’s about it, I think. - “I want to see you even without an allowance.” - “I can’t accept your allowance.” These are actually quite different. The former is still just the gacha-love stage. From the papa’s side, even when he says he’s seriously in love with a PJ, he probably doesn’t actually want to abandon his family and marry her. So when women say they’re troubled because their papa has seriously fallen for them, it may really be gacha-love. Pota-san may get angry with me for saying this, but papa-katsu is a game with rules—it’s “pro wrestling.” If you really punch someone with your fist, you could kill them, so you pretend to punch for real and ease up at the last second. A full-force lariat could leave someone paralyzed from the waist down in one hit, and even a headlock could make someone pass out if you applied it seriously. I remember when Shinsuke Shimada and Sanma Akashiya were filmed together in a dressing room for the first time in over a decade, having an absolutely hilarious exchange. The viewers thought, “That’s incredible—they didn’t even rehearse it.” But I remember Matsumoto from Downtown calmly explaining on another program that it was basically pro wrestling. ◎ Both sides falling into gacha-love with each other I think that’s more than enough of a goal for papa-katsu. If you keep sprinting at full speed even after crossing the finish line, what lies ahead is eloping, stalking, or even a violent incident. I often use the word “fatherly affection,” but that’s a reminder to myself. If I faced Ace without suppressing my fatherly feelings, what lies ahead would be nothing but a living hell. To prevent that, with my important monthly partners, I try to put my paternal feelings first and keep my feelings as a man hidden behind them. I don’t want to be too serious, so I’ll make fun of myself at the end. In my experience: “I want you to try harder” may indicate either gacha-love or serious love (I’m going to get killed). There have been two women who wanted that from me in the past—one was seriously in love, and the other was in gacha-love. And Nakata-shi isn’t gacha-love or anything like that. Ninety-nine point nine percent of PJs come to papa-katsu looking for a clean, gentlemanly older man who’s experienced with dating and knows how to spend money properly. They may seem to want something serious, but they really don’t. We should both be careful not to misunderstand that. The rules matter precisely because we’re treating each other as individual women and men with personalities and feelings. Tell her the allowance in advance, and of course pay it upfront. Respect the date’s time. And don’t get unnecessarily close; wrap your feelings as a man in fatherly affection and keep them from showing. I’m extremely serious about this. I wouldn’t show fatherly affection if I didn’t truly care about them. So please don’t throw stones at me without knowing—or even trying to understand—how much preparation I put in before a date (though honestly, I kind of want you to throw them, lol). After all, you’re amateurs (I’m picking another fight now). If you prepare for meeting your papa as much as I do, feel free to fire a Taepodong missile at me. You give it your all when you’re with your papa? Hmph. That doesn’t even count. You should settle the match before you meet him. > Still, there’s one girl I don’t know if I’d call it serious love, but I genuinely find her adorable. Whoa, you said it out loud!! If my monthly partners see this answer, they’ll go “squee!” and probably put extra effort into their makeup the next time we meet (what a sinful man). As I’ve said many times, I’m especially unattractive facially. But I prepare and polish myself to the extreme, so I’m the type who can use his overall vibe to cover it up and make people think, “What is this old guy!?” According to Flag Maker, the most handsome respondent by far is Taro-san. If I’d been born handsome, I wouldn’t be working out like an idiot every single day. Sigh...